So often you wonder why do you do the CRAZY SHIT you do like running a 50k, even singing up for a marathon when very often you promise yourself you would never do it again, and yet somehow you find yourself doing the same thing again.
This is the question that you ask yourself when you are all racked with cramps, despite you doing all that you had planned, despite executing a plan you had already successfully executed, despite all the hours and hours of training you have put in and the miles you’ve covered.
It’s the question you ask yourself when your feet are screaming at you “why oh why do you put us through this torture; what have we done to you; how have we offended; answer me!”
As blasphemous as it may sound, these are thoughts keep running through your mind when you are running all by yourself, in the dead of the night, with only your little headlamp to light your way ahead. Your friends have gone ahead, and you have fallen behind. You’re like the sheep that strayed away from the flock all lonely and alone (even where there are others around you).
You’ve given up on playing catch up as your Achilles tendon has flared up forcing you to reevaluate and slow down.
You try to pick the pace but somehow your body doesn’t respond so you just slow jog and run steadily trying to convince yourself that time isn’t of the essence, completing 50k is. But at the back of your head you’re feeling a bit dejected and low knowing that you can’t do more. Knowing your friends will be completing much ahead of you doesn’t make things better in your head.
So you continue on your way a bit dejected and all alone questioning your life choices and situations you put yourself in, like running this marathon. But through it all you vow to never give up cause you didn’t come this far, both literally and figuratively, to just to give up.
So you trudge along, walking up slopes, steadily running on downhills and rolling parts, taking water and oranges and salt from water stations, if they had any, hoping to escape any signs of cramps which have not made an appearance.
Another thing that you are happy about is that sleep hasn’t made its presence felt, something you feared after you got separated for flock.
All through the first part of your run you can’t wait for the u-turn to come. And when you run beyond the 25th km and there’s no u-turn in sight you get anxious and flustered. You get even more annoyed when you realise the turn is beyond the 28th km.
In the second part you want to cover as much as possible before the sun comes up. But then you realise you’ll get the chance to flaunt your glares and run style.
With this thought you continue on, walking and running when you can, trying to calm your overthinking mind with a smile, telling yourself you’ve got this.
By and by you make your way back, down slopes you had climbed. You get a flustered to realise that many of the water stations have run out of water but at the same time you’re glad that you had a presence of mind of carrying an extra bottle or two in your water sack based on what you had previously experienced.
As you finally approach that finish line you give that one final push. You still can’t pick your pace that much but you continue to push through trying to give it the best that you can.
You pump the air and raise your hand in elation as you finally cross that finish line. You are happy that you completed what you set out to do but somehow you can’t shake off this feeling of disappointment knowing that you could have done better.
And in this all you promise yourself to that you’ll comeback stronger and better prepared and rested, and know that no matter how many times you said you wouldn’t do this thing again you’ll be back with a vengeance cause after all this is indeed the crazy shit you do!
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