I Cried

I cried!!!

It feels strange to say it out loud

But I cried 

I cried for what happened 

Cried for a realisation 

That what was beautiful 

Has now come to an end

A step o could never take back

I cried!!!

For things were not meant to be

For  things that I thought it would be

But all of this has now come to an end

Leaving gaping hole

A heart broken

I hope it can mend

Though a piece will always be missing

I cried!!!

Cause I thought I was the one to blame

Bringing that was beautiful 

To an abrupt end

I blamed me and my overthinking 

For not being able to accept differences 

That were bound to be there

But then I realised 

I wasn’t to be blamed alone

I cried!!!

Knowing that it will never be

Or even an us

And we will go our separate ways

Not too sure

If our paths would ever cross again

Or we could have again

What we shared before

Cause things would never be the same

I cried!!!

Like I have never cried before 

Like I have never cried for anyone

Save for my dog

I’ve tried to be brave

I’ve tried to be strong

But then I let my emotions

Get the better of me

And opened the flood gates

And let it pour

I cried!!!

Got this heavy feeling off chest

An eerie uneasiness 

An anxious feeling

That threatened to consume me 

Cause I wouldn’t be able to tell 

The pain that I am in

I cried!!!

I had to let it all out

Cause I couldn’t hold it together anymore

So let the rivers flow

But then I wiped those tears

Determined to continue to survive

To bounce back and move on

Trying not to regret

To cry anymore for what I’ve lost

But treasure the moments

In my broken heart forever 

All Quiet Uptown

She sat on the stone bench in the rain. It was all quiet up town, with only sound being the patter of the rain. She sat quietly by herself staring into space. The quietness was unsettling but it was what she needed right now, to find a little bit of peace and quiet, a little time to herself, to find herself.

She seemed calm but there was storm brewing within her. She felt all grey and gloomy like the weather around her. She appeared strong and collected but inside she felt shattered and falling to pieces. She was grateful to the rain cause it helped cover up the tears that streamed down her face.

What she would not give to see him once again, to hold him in arm once more. She would willingly trade places with him in a heartbeat so that she could have him here, in this world.

She had been so consumed by herself, her grief that she was guilty of ignoring him, though it had been unintentional, and now he’s gone and there’s nothing she could say or do to make up for it. She was so consumed by her pain, her grief, her betrayal that she didn’t see that he was hurting too, he felt betrayed too, shattered and heartbroken.

She saw him from her distance. He had betrayed her, broken her trust, brought her life crashing down on her, the partial cause of her pain. But the man she noticed coming towards her was broken, shattered, drooping. Gone was the ambitious and pompous man she had known, in its place was a grieving soul who had aged more with the pain of the outcomes of the past day. She thought she would never bring herself to forgive him for what he had done to her, but now somehow she felt sorry for the man who was coming towards her, cause somehow he was in the same boat as she was, sharing her grief. 

She had chosen him despite of he was, his short comings, his ambitiousness. Her family and friends had warned her that he would end up betraying her, hurting her, and he did as they had forewarned. She would never ever forgive him but now was not the time for it. They needed each other, they needed put aside what had happened between them and be there for each other in their moment of grief. 

He joined her on the stone bench, siting besides her,  holding the umbrella over her head providing some respite from the rain. She rested her head on his shoulder and he put his arms around her. They were two lonely souls bound by grief. Together they sat on the bench staring at the spot, the grave where they had just buried their first born.