I ran a 50k.. but I am no Ultra Runner

So I ran a 50k, an Ultra, in running terminology (just in case you were wondering what is this jargon cause the only Ultra you know is your ultra strong beer), but I am no ultra runner. As I mentioned in my Insta post, that’s if you follow me, I.e. rodmandsouza (damn, me and my shameless self-promotion), a single ultra run doesn’t make you an ultra runner. I am neither inclined towards it nor do I have time to train for it , cause it can take the hell out of your daily life, that’s if you even have one thanks to us being slaves to our jobs. It’s never been on my bucket list of things I wanted to do (I did, at one time, toyed with the idea of running the Comrades), but still I found my myself standing at that starting line up waiting for the  click to strike 1:30 (that’s in the am and not the pm, and root cause of my bane).

So here I was at the starting line, waiting for the race start. I had done my stretching, courtesy of Coach, and done all the pre race mingling and socialising, so it was now the time to run. So moment the clock struck 1:30 and the fireworks went off, it was now time to run. So I start off all my apps (well it was three plus my iWatch, damn that’s a lot of tracking devices), make the sign of the cross (though I am not overly religious but these little beliefs I do), and I am off.

I realise I am bringing up the rear, there’s a sea of runners in front of me (surprisingly there are plenty of runners participating in the 50k), but try not to give into the temptation of speeding up. I have this constant voice in my head that sounded like Natty, Maya and my dearest Sangy ma’am , telling me to go slow and start easy and conserve energy, or maybe it’s just my sleep deprived mind playing tricks on me. But whatever it maybe, I am determined to run nice and easy.

So you run pass sleepy villages and sleepy dogs who just ignore you, their sleep way too important than to chase and bark after a group of crazy fools who are pounding the road instead of being tucked up in their beds. You run pass Bushy Dam and reach INS Shivaji, and from there begins your climb.

You decide to walk the slope, paying heed to the advice of Quintin and Ajay, not burning up energy tackling them. And while you run up the slow you take in the moment. The moon’s nowhere to be seen, and stars are out in all their glory. In the distance you have the lights of the town. And if that wasn’t enough, you have the headlamps which you were asked to carry, making it feel like a stream of fire flies slowly making their way up the hill, a kind of homage to the lantern scene from the movie Tangled.

So you slowly make your way up the hill, walking the slopes, slowly jogging where the route flattened. You can heat someone behind you chanting some shlok, which kind of bothers you, but then you are saying your rosary, like you always do (and because you are missing your Sunday mass), you try not to loose focus.

You finally make it to the top, and off you go, trying to run at a steady pace, walking up slopes, but running steadily and constant, not pushing for pace.

It’s a beautiful night, and although the moons is nowhere to be seen, the twinkling stars more than make up for it. There’s a chilly nip in the air that occasionally makes you shiver, making you feel glad you chose to wear a tee and not a vest, like you love to do. There’s silence, except for the feet stomping the road, and the chirping of crickets and the hum of the electricity flowing through the cables above.

You have this constant fear that you may need to crap, since you were not able to do your business in the morning, then you may need to go behind some bush to relieve yourself, like you have done before (shhhhh let this be our little secret). But thankfully that fear doesn’t come to pass.

As you pass by Cloud 9, you miss Srini Sir, with whom you have volunteered so many times in past training runs.

You continue to run up and down inclines and declines, past volunteers who are there in the dark to guide you, past photographers who make you hit your best strides and smiles, running slowly but steadily.

Soon you become kind of restless. You want the the u-then to appear soon, you already past the 35k u-turn, but your u-turn is nowhere in sight. It doesn’t help that you know when the turn will come and your apps doesn’t make it easy by telling you how far you are.

Then you see the first runner go by you, then a second and a third , and so and so forth. You gradually see all those fire flies coming your way, bringing you hope that the much awaited u-turn is coming up soon, but again your apps tell you to be patient .

You try to make out your friends, as they pass you, wondering if you could just turn there and joining them instead of running all those kms. But you continue to soldier on. When you you finally reach the u-turn, it’s like a great relief, you finally reached the halfway mark of you crazy adventure.

And then it’s hits you like a ton of brick. No, no, it’s not the infamous wall, but it was sleep. You begin to doze off, like only you could do, veering treacherously off the road, like a drunken runner who’s had one too many beers before going for a run, or a zombie that’s decided to take up running.

I try hard to wipe the sleep off my eyes, but that doesn’t help. I even put off my music and put my earbuds back. I constantly keep

pouring and splashing water on my face and my eyes, but that doesn’t quiet help either. For a few moment I am wide awake and then I am off in another world, only to find myself in the bushes, like only this sleepy head can do  (just ask Natty and Rups about my capacity to fall asleep). I even approach an ambulance hoping there’s someone who could help me, or even offer me a place to sleep. I even toy with the idea of just going off the road and going to sleep (after all the beautiful cool weather didn’t make it easy in my fight against sleep). I even contemplated about giving up, but then Greens don’t give up, oops I meant D’souzas never give up. So I once again soldier on, constantly battling sleep, constantly veering here and there like a drunken running fool.

A few runners stop by me asking me if I was ok. I sheepishly tell them, well make that sleepishly, tell them that I am ok, just damn sleepy. My head starts to question myself why did I even take up this stupid silly endeavour and at this ungodly hour. But for now there’s nothing I can do but like Dory, but on land, I have to just keep running.

I pass by water stations who by now have run out of water, making you feel the pain of all the slow runners, making you feel worried for the ones behind you. But you can only keep running and hope nothing untoward happens.

By now the suns up but you are grateful that it’s not hot but rather pleasant. The sounds of the birds chirping is like music to the lonely ears.  But every rustling sound in trees makes you attentive least something should leap out and surprise you, and not in a good way. 

By now your sleepiness has gone but there’s still quite a lot of road to cover, and you have miles to go before you sleep (couldn’t resist adding this) and inclines to cover. But now you can proceed steadily.

You finally reach then airforce station, knowing that now it will be just declines and rolling hills, things you can easily cover. So you grab a gloucose water and you are running steadily and strongly, knowing there’s roughly just 10 more kilometres to cover.

By now you are passing your well wishers who had stopped and checked on you when you were sleepy, who marvel on how you were able to make up time. You cheer your fellow runners on, like you love to do, and having conversations too. But once you hit downhill you run steadily and strong and focused knowing there’s just few more kilometres to go. And you got this in the bag.

You marvel at the fact that you haven’t felt s single cramp or muscle pull or soreness. So you definitely did something right. And touchwood, that wouldn’t happen for the last part of the race.

You surprise yourself that you are running at a pace that you started, and though it maybe slow, you don’t feel sore, just you feel a bit tired.

You finally hit the last part and you are even able to speed up and overtake runners, speeding down the ramp and to the finish line, without a single cramp.

You give yourself a cheer and a pat on your back for pushing through sleep and the urge of wanting to giving up, persevering on and getting the run done.

Well no run is complete without gratitude for the people who got you there.

So a big thank you to my dearest coach Jayesh, who has been pushing me and keeping me on my toes, and bearing with all my whining and grumbling (I can be quite the grumpy old man) with regards to my fitness and strength training, which is very important for us runner. 

To coach Girish for your constant motivation and inspiration and your tips and guidance on tackling TUM and not to forget the training runs (although I ran only once and volunteered for the remaining, which is more like me).

To my dearest Sangy ma’am, your advice is my blessing. 

To my support system, my backbone, my constant North Star, Nikhil, Natty, Maya, Rups and Yash, you all gave me so much positivity, and encouragement, even when I doubted myself.  You believed me more than I believed in myself.

To Quintin and Ajay, I learnt soo many things running with you both, so many things I could apply in the race and that worked well. 

To Dyloo l and Panks, I am because I was  able to run with you. 

And to my Stride with GB and MRR family, I am each day grateful that I am part of such wonderful group of runners who have constantly inspired and motivated and cheered me on.

And finally to my family, for being there for me (if my mum was there she would have scolded me for running s 50 and not a 35).

So to answer the question I started with, would running a 50k make me an ultra runner? The answer still is a resounding NO. Cause even though I was able to attempt and complete an ultra, I don’t see myself doing one again (although I am not quite shutting the door on that one), I don’t plan to run another. But then who knows, if some crazy pagal kutta may bite me and I will attempt another. So till then I will savour the fact I ran a 50k and was able to complete it.

Memories at Sea

I sat there staring at the vastness of the sea that lay before me. The sea in all it beauty and mightiness and vastness, twining with the sky above, separated by just one fine line in the distant horizon, dotted with sailboats, yachts and what-nots, bobbing up and down as seagulls flew above trying to perch themselves on its deck.

There was something soothing in those rhythmic rise and fall, ups and downs, which were at times unsettling, but always calming. I wondered if the sea would ever calm when it’s constantly caught in the game of tug-of-war between the pulls of the earth, the moon and the sun. Somehow this beautiful and vast and unsettled sea in its way was a reflection of the mind thats constantly unsettled.

The beautiful sea breeze that blew on our face and messed our hair, filled the sails of our beautiful little yacht, powering us onward and forward, leaving us mesmerised as to how quick we were moving onward, leaving land behind, as the Taj and the Gateway of India, in all their regal splendour, became just distant specs in a distant shore, as the wind propelled us onwards.

And then there was the sun that was slowly clocking out for the day, but not before it painted it’s canvas in various breathtaking hues, the golden, hour, the perfect light to click pics, which we took full advantage of, but not before spending moments marvelling at the vast painting before us, that was being painted before our eyes, a truly breathtaking sight, a memory that will remain forever and eternity, outliving even our mortal souls.

I sat there listening to Sagar as he explained the various points at sea, educating us about his passion and love for sailing and his many fascinating and captivating anecdotes about his time at sea, as he guided our little yacht onward, with the help of the crew and of course Yaanez.

As much I was fascinated listening to Sagar and the conversation of my fellow landlubbers, the painting in front of me kept drawing me to it, a constant ever changing canvas.

The sun by now had gone beyond the horizon, off to bring light somewhere beyond that horizon. And now that the sun was gone, the moon was no where to be seen, the stars came out to play, to shine and twinkle in the night sky, to their heart’s delight, like beautiful diamonds on a velvet cushion of inky blue, un obstructed, not outshined, by the light of the moon. A beautiful site, with the only competition coming from the twinkling lights of oil rigs, exploration vessels, ships, and other yacht on one side, and the lights of the distant shore.

We sailed deep into the ocean, aided by the wind that filled our sails and moved us forward and onwards, ridding the waves, bobbing up and down, an exhilarating feeling, and at time a bit scary too, if you have done it before, like riding a roller coaster. We sailed past the final point indicating the Mumbai harbour.

And then it was time to make the journey back, back to the shore that we had left behind a few hours ago. So Sagar and the crew shifted the direction of the sails and guided the yacht, directing it to shore.

While we sat there, some talking, some quiet, but all taking in every moment of the wonderful excursion, this wonderful experience. 

And somewhere Stand by Me began to play. Ok Yaanez played it on her Spotify, and we all joined in, singing as B. B. King, singing for the joy in our heart, singing because we were happy and our spirit soaring, more appropriately l, sailing.A moment that will etched forever in our memory.

We slowly made our way back to shore, making it pass lighthouses that were unmanned and not operational, and other landmarks and boats, slowly as we were against the mighty breeze.

Finally we came to the little boat that would take us back to shore. We one by one made got into the boot, not before thanking the wonderful crew, and our gratitude to Sagar and Yaanez for this wonderful experience, and giving us wonderful memories at sea. 

Sailing was ever on my list, on my list of things I wanted to do before I go to the great beyond, it was something I never I knew I needed to experience. But now that I had , now that I did, I was going to savour the memories, relive every moment of this beautiful memories at sea.

I am Never Gonna Not Run Again

After the events of 2020, and the months that followed, I never thought I would race again. Well, not race, but at least run if not to your pre-COVID form. So getting the opportunity to run a Full Marathon of a race that’s close to your heart (well you can say and criticise it all you like, and even call it overhyped, and that may even hold true, but it’s all about the spirit of Mumbai) is indeed a blessing. It’s a way of showing your gratitude of having made it through the pandemic and still have good health and being able to do what you love the most, that is run and dance. 

So signing up for TMM was a no-brainer. So you register, first-day, and get all excited and begin your training for the race. But sadly you have to train by yourself as most of your friends are nursing injuries, runners fatigue, or still trying to find that spark that had spurred them on.

So you train on your own, running within your ability, and the time that you can give to your training, every now and then trying to push yourself to see you can find that form again, the spark within you to actually try and be better. And when you run with others you kind of question yourself if you’re doing enough, every now and then doubting your ability to even run a marathon.

But then here you are on race day, at the holding area, with your bib clipped on (you realise it’s off centre). Your nerves have been playing up, not letting you sleep the previous, and the train running late doesn’t help your nerves. You try to stay calm, try to stay zen block all these out. 

You put on your water belt, tuck your gels in your pouch, put on your Bose Soundsports (yeah I can be kind of brand conscious), you handover your baggage at the counter (after you get someone to get back in line, after all everyone is starting together and there’s no use of cutting line), you make your way to the start point, greeting friends and fellow runners, wishing everyone luck. You relieve yourself just before you start, cause you didn’t want to do it out in open, just stepping out of the station.

You slowly make your way to your holding area and from there to the start line  from your slot. You avoid running to the start like many around you. You put on your music and start all your running apps, and then you see the lights, and it hits you, you are at the start of yet another marathon, but this is going to be special one, cause you’ve made it through the pandemic and now you are blessed with the opportunity to run this race again.

So you start all your apps (I have three, not counting my watch), start your music, make the sign of the cross, and off you go.

At first you try to run steady and strong, trying to pick your pace. You run together with Naresh sir and Quintin, running with them for a while before you go ahead. On the way you see your buddy Thyag running strongly. You desperately fight the urge of going way too fast.

You then realise that your watch has stopped tracking your run and one of your app has been giving you wrong pace. You desperately try not to panic and take everything within your stride. So you just keep running.

So you go on and try and focus on running a good strong first half (as per what Dyloo discussed with you). On the way you get a hug from Kinjal, hi fives and cheers from Manoj, Jitesh and Cheryl, and you being you, you keep a lookout for your friends, and keep cheering everyone on (even if they are on the other side of the road) as you run pass all the construction that’s happening for the costal road. You even make it up Peddar Road without much fuss, even hugging your friends at the MRR water station. 

You keep a track of your body and how it is feeling and your heart beat, grateful to be alive and running. You feel some small niggles and aches, but you keep telling yourself “you’ve got this boy”.

And then you hit the Sea-Link, something that a lot of runners take pride in the fact that they get to run on the Sea-Link. And though it is an experience and an opportunity, it can also be tough due to its hidden incline. And while you are on it you get to witness a beautiful sunrise as it covers the city with a beautiful hue. You dodge people stopping to capture a selfie on the bridge, even obliging your friend Nikhil for a pic (no I am not snob). You too can’t resist the temptation, of capturing the beautiful sunrise (and not a selfie). So you click your pic snd move on.

As you come to the 22 Km mark, you feel a bit of fatigue set in and begin to feel cramps. So you take your walk break, as you discussed with Dyloo. So you walk for 30 seconds, before you start to run again. 

But now you start to feel your legs and the cramping seemed to get worse. You once again try to walk off the cramp. But every time you start to run, well in this case a jog, they come right back again. And then you begin to feel light headed bringing flashback of 2017. 

You slowly and steadily make your way to a medical tent cause you want to check your pressure. And then you are told that you have low blood sugar, thanks to having a late lunch-early dinner, and then not having anything. So you actually did the opposite of 2017 and still had the same problem but this time you are determined not to DNF.

So you will yourself, determined to finish what you have started, so it’s a matter of mind over body.

So you resign yourself to the fact you will have to walk most of the rest of the way. You occasionally try to jog, but your leg is totally jammed up and refuse to obey you. So you continue to walk as people and buses, I mean pacing buses, pass you by.

And while you walk you marvel at the elite runners who pass you by. Damn do they have awesome strides. 

On your way you meet your running buddy Sanket, who like you is determined to finish and willing to walk to the end. You finally have company. On the way you help your fellow runners who are cramping like you. You lend a helping hand and many runners stop to help, that’s what you call  the runner spirit.

On the urging of Saket you begin to jog. After a few kilometres you once again feel your legs, so you have to walk, while your company has taken off and you are once again on your on.

You then reach the dreaded Peddar Road, which to be honest is not at all as dreadful as many make it to be, as it is where you have the spirit of Mumbai on full display, and where else will you be served by the posh people of Mumbai. You are grateful to see your buddy Shweta at the MRR water station, who hands you a bottle of thumbs up that you gratefully sip. Then there’s Charu who has kept aside a bar of snicker and chikki for you with one more bottle of coke. You grateful for these beautiful souls who have been supporting runners since morning.

So you hug them tightly, click pics, say your thank yous, and are off on your way. 

By now your legs feel better, so you once again take off, though not literally or not any literal.

When you come down towards Babulnath you meet an Angel in the shape of Huafrid, who not only eggs you but also starts to pace you to the finish line. You totally grateful for his support. He keeps willing you and pushing you, talking to you, taking your mind off the the work you are putting your body through, not taking no for an answer when you want to stop. Of course, giving up was never an option, not after coming so far and overcoming all the setback. And then you’ve got Huafrid l, an athlete who has overcome all the odds of life to become an awesome inspirational athlete. 

There are moments when you let out a scream of agony, from all the pain and the cramps, and want to just stoop there, but with Huafrid’s support and motivation and the motivation of your friends at the StrideWithGB/ASICS and Kinjal’s support, you keep going.

 When you finally reach the final stretch, Huafrid tells you to give it your all. So you close your eyes, determined to give it your all, running on pure adrenaline. 

You finally cross the finish line, grateful that you did not hobble across it, running strong. You turn around and give your Angel a big hug, almost breaking down, overcome with emotion and gratitude. You fight back pain and tears, grateful to your spirit and determination and your Angel. You struggle to stand or even walk, but you hobble to collect your medal and refreshments, trying to get help for your legs, and at the same time posing for pics. 

Though the run may have not gone as plan, and you are a tad disappointed that you couldn’t make the most of the amazing weather, you are grateful to have being able to finish what you have started. So

you wear that medal with pride and refuse to call your run the worst, cause it wasn’t your worst and you are definitely going to learn from it and come out stronger!

Post Note:  Grateful to my super awesome trainer Jayesh for helping stay fit both physically and mentally and beating with b me. To my super awesome running family at MRR and Stride with GB, always grateful for the support and motivation.To the wonderful and noble Angel volunteers who supported all the runner so wonderfully throughout the race. And to my super awesome buddies Nikhil, Natty, Mata, Kartik, Rups, Dyloo and Pankti for all your support and motivation and inspiration. The race may not have gone the way I would have wanted it to go or I how I hoped it would be but this only going to motivate me to come back stronger. And when all is said and done I am never going to not run again!!!!

Dear 2022

Dear 2022,

As you draw slowly to a close, I thank you for being you. Unapologetic, unabashedly, you. And I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.

You may not have always been good, but you weren’t as bad as your predecessors, in fact you brought back some form of normalcy to the chaos our lives were in.

And although there were lows, there were sprinkling of highs, after all you can’t always have highs and you need to have those lows to appreciate the highs, you need those moments of sadness to appreciate the moments of happiness and joys you have been blessed with.

Though there maybe times, make that many times, where you made me scream “Why Me”, it was your way of making me make difficult decisions, move on from situation that have stagnated. It was your nudge, your push that made me move on. And although I may have cried, cursed and wondered why, and sometimes even hoped to die, but you gave me strength to move on.

So as I prepare to bid you goodbye, I just want to say THANK YOU for being you. And yes I will always be grateful and thankful for you.

You’re a Candle burning bright!!!

You’re a candle burning bright

Just breathe and be who you are

Just relax and be the best self

And let your flame burn bright

Let your passion fuel your flame

You’re a candle burning bright

Don’t let your flame ever flicker

Don’t let your flame ever waver

Cause when you waver you dull your flame

And take away your shinning light

You’re a candle burning bright 

Let no one dull your flame

Let nothing dull your flame 

Let no one take away your flame

If someone or something even tries

Shine brightly right into their eyes

You’re a candle burning bright 

The secret to your flame is you 

The magic of your flame is you

So shine brightly and radiantly for all to see

Lighting up the world

Yours and everyone else’s 

Who need the light of your flame

You’re a candle burning bright

Continue to shine with all radiant

So much that when you flame is no one

All who knew you

Or were to be to know you 

Would always remember 

How brightly your flame burned!!!!

I’m Never Gonna Not Dance Again!!!

I may not be the best dancer

I may not have the best moves

But the moment I lace up dancing shoes

I become a whole different person 

Who can dance to the groove

I no longer have two left feet

And like everyone I have just one

Though I really don’t think I even had two

When it comes to dancing

Though I know I don’t always 

Dance to the beats

Or even keeping count 

But when the music begins 

I let it take over me

Letting my cares fade away

And even though 

I may not be the best dancer

In my head I’m dancing better than the best

Cause  no one can take the dance away

Dancing is my happy place

A place where I go to when I feel low

To escape the care that trouble me

And express myself through movement

That I best know

Dance it not just my idea of fun

It’s my expression of joy

It’s my expression of passion and pain

It’s my ME time

It’s what keeps my anxiety at bay

Where I can be self all again

And read and smile again

So I may not always keep on beat

Or give the best or right leads

But no one can take the dancing from me

And even in the lockdown

When world was all behind close doors

And no partner around

Somehow dance found its way to me

So you there’s no not dancing for me

Cause as soon as I hear the music

Like Tracy Turnblad 

You can’t stop my dancing feet 

Cause they just won’t stand still

So come what may

No matter what

I am never gonna not dance again!!!

Running on my Own

Running can get lonely 

Especially when you sign up for a distance

That your friends aren’t running 

Or are not interested to run

For injuries and lack of confidence 

To even a lack of interest 

So you end up training on your own

Have to get those mileage on your own

Without anyone by your side 

To push you

To egg you on

To chit-chat continuously with you

To even tell to just shut the yapping

You miss their company

As you got to push yourself on your own

To egg yourself on

To cheer yourself on

To even pep talk yourself

Talking yourself out of situations 

When you mentally cursing yourself

Wondering why you do such things to yourself 

But then you realise what you love about running

Why running means so much to you

It helps you calm down

It helps you stay focused

Though occasionally 

Ok make that most of the time

You let your mind wander

You can be with yourself 

A space to think

A space to meditate 

A space to zone all your cares

And just be with yourself

And yes the most important thing

It helps you burn a ton of calories 

Means you’re loosing a tons of weight

And you are permitted to put them back on

So you wake up at un godly hours

Lace up and warm up

And get yourself out of that gate

You put your music on 

And leave the world and your cares behind

But stay tuned in to your surrounding

Lest you get hit, run over, bitten or mauled

And you just go out there and get it done

Fighting the temptation to speed up

Fighting the temptation to give up 

When your body’s hurting 

And it refuses to go on

But you still carry on

Telling yourself it’s not about the mileage

It’s not about the speed

It’s not about who do what distance 

It’s about going out there

And getting it done

And in the process having a little fun

And spending some quality time with yourself

Even composing poems and stories and write up

Or finding a solution to a problem

And when it done there’s a joy

A sense of accomplishment 

A sense of triumph 

That you never gave up

You fought the odds

And now you a little more closer to your goals

And you did it all your own!!!