Chiquitita

 She sat on her childhood bed, staring at the picture of a girl who was smiling back at her. The smile seemed oddly reassuring but it masked the pain behind the smile, just a facade. Oh how she wished she could travel back in time and warn her about what was in store for her, maybe then things would be different. Maybe she could guide her to a better and brighter future instead of going through the things she had gone through.

From her adolescence days she knew she was different. She was not like the other girls. She didn’t like doing the so called girlie things. Because of this she was always treated like an outsider, but then she didn’t much care about it. Her father didn’t find anything wrong with this but her mother constantly nagged her about it. Other than this they were supportive of her and always believed in the right balance of studies and extra curricular activities. But some how they still didn’t get her. 

So she found herself battling to come to terms with her true identity. Confusion and awkwardness reigned through her formative years. And when she finally managed to come to terms with her identity her parents couldn’t handle it. They feared of what society would say, of all the gossip, their standing. Not once did they consider her and what she was going through. Her mother blamed her father for being liberal with her and letting her do what she wanted to do, and her father blamed her mother for failing to see the signs despite being a woman herself.

She tried to block them out of her head, but their constant quarrels and bickering always occupied her head. It pushed her into a dark corner, a dark and lonely place, on the brink of a total breakdown. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she tried to put an end to it all. This sent her parents into a greater panic. They starting searching for marriage proposal for her, getting her married off to the one they thought was suitable and would bring some sense and sanity to her.

Marriage was something new to her, something she never thought about, something she didn’t want. But then she resigned to her faith and tried to settle in the ebb and flow of her new life. Like everything else, he showed his true colour once the honeymoon period was done. He often forced himself on her, when she refused his advances, calling it his right and her duty, leaving her physically and mentally abused, leaving her scarred and bruised. She tried to confide this in her parents but they just brushed it aside saying there would be chinks that would need to be fixed.

And then she discovered she was pregnant. She wanted to have an abortion cause she couldn’t get herself to bring another life into her dark and scary world. But her in laws and her husband would have none of it. The abuse became even more unbearable.

Finally she found the strength to take a stand and walk out of the life of pain that she was in. She initially stayed with a friend who was supportive of her, and also because she was not sure if her parents would ever take her back.

But life had other things in store for her. It finally took a turn for the best. One day, when her mother visited, she saw the scars on her body. That day they both had a breakdown, and in the flow of their tears their relationship thawed. In the flow of their tears and in that warm embrace they resolved to stand by each other.

She returned to her childhood with her mother, to even more tears of happiness. From that day on her parents made a promise to stand by her, no matter what, and they did. She knew it was difficult for them, as it was for her, with all the gossips and all the side way glances and whispers that would stop the minute they were seen. She knew it was difficult for them to accept and understand the situation but she could see the effort they were putting in and she was appreciative of it and was  happy to have them by her side, along with her friend. 

Together they were able to set her free from a toxic marriage, her rock through the turmoil. And when the baby came their joy knew no end. They became doting, gushing grandparents. Their acceptance influenced others who slowly began to accept and understand her. She was finally able to find her feet and live the life she wanted.

And so she found her self sitting on her childhood bed, staring at a pic from when she was little. She was on the cusp of something she had been through before but only this it was of her own will and her choice. She put the picture back in the frame and placed it at her beside. She sighed and eagerly waited for daybreak, the day she would marry the woman of her dreams.