The Gym Moron Maximization

 

The gym is your place, your ME time, the time you set aside for yourself. Not because you’re a GymBro or a Fitness Freak. It’s the time you give yourself for your fitness and mental health. But then it can be a source of irritation when it’s been invaded by morons.

These are the ones who insist on picking/lifting the heaviest weight and do it all wrong. Their form sacrificed on the altar of vanity  leaving  you to wonder who are they trying to impress when the ones who workout at your time are aunties and uncles, making you wonder if they are into cougars and daddies!

Then you have the one whose form is all balls (for a lack of better word). Their head touches ground more than their chest, when they do a push-up. Or their pelvic touches the floor, making you wonder if they are  doing a push up or learning to fuck. 

The ones who squat but never going completely down or curving their back making you pity their poor back.

Then you have the machine hogs, who will hog the machine and weights making you wait to use them. These are the ones who will do one set and spend the next 10 minutes admiring themselves from every angle. Spending time on their phones checking out reels or busy chatting, not bothering that someone is waiting to use the machine/weight.

You have the laatsahebs who feel it beneath them to re-rack the weights once they are done. Who complete their workout and just leave the machine the way it is, leaving it for the trainer or the next person to re-rack the weights. And if they were to ever re-rack the weights they do it all wrong, putting the heavier weights before the lighter ones, for the sake of putting them back.

Then you have the uncles who insist on listening to bhajans and religious songs while they workout when all you want is to complete your workout in peace and quiet, and in your case, hear your trainer. You don’t even listen to your hymn, so let alone you want to listen to bhajans in the morning. And if that wasn’t bad they end up playing Hindi film songs, a contrast from all the religious ones.

You try and stay calm and keep your cool while muttering some good old gaalees under your breath. You seriously feel like whacking them on their head, giving them one tight one across the face. But then this would be physical abuse and it would land you into hot water. And then it’s not your place to correct them, that’s for the trainer to do which you are not.

So you take a deep breath and try and ignore them knowing there’s nothing much you can do. You do your thing and get out of there. Maybe this a way of teaching you how to stay calm around morons which the world is so full of and that you’ll encounter wherever you may go. So just get our workout done and be done!!!