Rider's Guide to the roads of Mumbai: The Creatures you find on the Road

When you've been riding/driving for a long time, or at least as long as I have (which is not much), you tend to recognise certain breeds of creatures that prowl the roads of Mumbai. So based on encounters will try and describe these creatures to the best of my ability.

The Royals: No not the British ones, or the ones that Lorde sang about. These are the ones who drive their high-end cars and feel that they own the roads. They drive their Mercs, Beemers, Audis, Jags, and the odd Ferrari, and expect the roads to be good and they have the right of way. God forbid, you should cross their path, you bound to get the coldest stare.

Bade Carewale: These creatures drives big cars and SUVs like the Innova, Ertiga, Suma, Scorpio and their lot. They not only take up so much road, but chance you should get stuck behind one, you are bound to be there for a while, especially when they are turning. 

Rule Breakers: These two and four wheelers who believe that rules were not meant for them. You find them helmetless or their helmets perched on their fuel tanks or handles (as if those need to be protected). They are prone to breaking signals, often either speeding or sneaking across it. And when there's a jam you see them on the opposite side of the road, against the traffic. One more thing, you will often find them three on a bike meant for two.

The Speedsters: These are three wheelers and two wheelers who missed their true calling. They needed to be in the F1 or MotorGP circuit. They fancy themselves as the next Schumacher or Rossi. Speed is their way of life. When you travel them God is really happy, cause they take you closer to him with all the prayers you keep saying. Ensure that you insured and you have not eaten anything, what's in will not remain in for a long time. At the same time you need to be aware of them, their sharp turns and lane cuts will surely take you by surprise and panic.

The Horny: No these are not sex addicts, they just feel that the sound of their horn is more sweeter than any sound in this world. That's why you find them constantly honking their horn. Honking gives them orgasmic pleasure that nothing in this world can give them. They honk for no apparent reason, often causing the poor unsuspecting riders to have a total nervous breakdown and just give them way.

The Balancer: These are mostly two wheelers. You normally see them with more than just two people and that poor vehicles of theirs. Sometimes even balancing a whole family on it, which humanely is impossible and dangerous, but hey they still do that. You can actually feel the pain of the poor vehicles that bears the brunt of their weight.

The Pathfinders: No these are not explorers, but riders who's somehow find a way even in the dense traffic. They constantly weave in and out trying to find space for themselves; a little space is all they need. They are like the camel, you give them an inch, they'll take a yard. They even use the pavements to make their way.

The Latecomers: These are perpetually in a hurry, always speeding, always honking, always glaring. They expect the way to be clear but will never think of leaving for their destination on time or even early.

The Directionless: These creatures totally lack a sense of direction. Either they give the wrong directions or don't give directions at all and expect you to telepathically understand which direction they are going to take.

Lady Drivers: These fair creatures look beautiful behind the wheel, but then you've got to be aware about their driving skills. They have concentration on other things than the roads and lack proper sense of judgement. If you ever happen to be behind give her space. But hey know some really good lady drivers.

The Monsters: These are the Garbage trucks, the BEST bus drivers, the private buses, the trucks and the State Transport buses. These strike fear in the heart of even the best of drivers. Constantly speeding, rash driver. If you ever cross their path, just get out of the way.

The Nervous Drivers: These are the novice first time riders, or riders like me, who perpetually nervous. They lack confidence and are scared of everything on the road. They are easily distracted  and the slightest honk can scare them to death. Be careful around them cause they themselves need to be careful.

So there you have it, my guide to the creatures you find on the roads. Not truly exhaustive, you can always add on it cause a new breed is discovered every second. So if you know some just add to this guid.

Stone Building: the House that built ME

2/23 Stone Building,

B.J. Marg,

Byculla, Mumbai-11.

The address of Mr. Henry Patrick D'souza, a address that is engraved in mind, that is imprinted on my heart. A place where I spent 27 glorious years, that seen highs and lows, happiness and sorrows, births and death. It was the place where I slowed danced with one that wouldn't be mine and had my first true love kiss in a relationship that would later end.

Stone Building is the place I lived for 27 of my years growing years in a one room hall kitchen, which though small, houses over 6 people and a dog, and still managed to feel like home. A place where you had common toilets and where the doors were always open, except if it was noon or night, or you had something that you didn't want your neighbours to know.

Stone Building was a place where your neighbours were an extension of yourself. Always curious and always ready with the latest gossips. You may have fought for the most pettiest of things or mere suspicion and reasons, but during your time of need they were always the first to come to your aid. I so remember my neighbours mummy, who I will always remember as my nana, putting off the fire, with her bare hands, when my grandmother tried to commit suicide, or when my aunt was serious, they came together to recite the rosary for her, or help my granddad to collect funds for her treatment, and when my dad passed away, they helped us make arrangements to get my dada's mortal remains and then stayed with us till the very end. Your neighbours were the first ones you would call if someone needed to be rushed to the hospital. They kept vigil with you. If you were to be left alone they ensured you were taken care of and fed.

Stone Building was a place where people woke at 4 in the morning, daily, to fill water and wash clothes, and in earlier days, to use the hand pump. It was place where people waited patiently to use the toilet, hoping no creepy crawly showed up or the current occupant was not constipated. It was place where children scurried to school in the morning  and for tuition in the evening. Evenings meant playing after studies, but the lights came on, it was compulsory for everyone to return home.

Vacation time meant whole day playing in the sun and then running home to drink water and get shouting cause you could get a sun stroke. Afternoon meant time to keep watch on the chillies and other spices, which would go on to prepare bottle masala. It also meant time for comics and books. Throw in a Phantom, a Mandrake, Tarzan, Chamapak and Tinkles, not to forget Archies and Nancy Drews and Hardy Boys and the odd Mills and Boons. Evenings meant playing, badminton, cricket or volleyball in what we called the gutter. It also meant playing Lagori or seven tiles, hide and seek (with hiding inside the houses or third floor out of bound) and catch and cook and Sankali, only to annoy the tenants living below the terrace as mud would fall and their rooms would leak in the monsoon. So they would come up to scold and chase us away. But then we too were shameless, we ran away only to come back again a little while later, much to their charging.

Mornings would also mean going for jogging to the racecourse. Going to your friends place to try and wake them up, because they would show up once and the next day would sleep from the soreness. Then you would have to try and sneak out alone as you didn't want your family to see.

The first rain meant everyone on the terrace, enjoying the rain by playing football, or just sliding away to glory. It also meant time to get rid of those pesky prickly heat boils. Monsoon would have the children praying for showers of torrential rains so that the roads would flood and the schools would declare a holiday. Primary children eagerly enquiring from the secondary ones and if the schools did declare then it was time to make paper boats and rockets and throw it into the waters below. Stare at the people as they waded through the water and at vehicle as they passed by, creating ripples like waves. The heavy rains meant bringing down the tuft, canvas or plastics, whatever you had to keep the rains from entering your house.

Come unit test and exam time and you would have everyone studying really hard and discussing their papers and afterwards parents comparing and boasting about their children's results. Tenth standard meant wanting to know who got what percentage and then the distribution of pedas to everyone.

Stone Buildings was the place where birth, christening, birthdays, first holy communion and wedding were celebrated on a grand scale. A birth was always announced with crackers, one for a boy and two for a girl (or was it the other way round). And then you had everyone rushing to congratulate the family. Christening meant trying to see who the godparents are and  to admire the dress of the child and enquired about the name. 

Birthdays meant having your friends over and cake cutting (at that time we were saved from the concept of cake pack). You  always wanted your cake to have the best design. So far I had a train, a house a bunny rabbit, some what I could remember. Your 21st birthday cake  would always be a shape of a key or some element that looked like a key, cause now you were the man/ lady of the house. Birthday parties went late into the  night mostly ending with a sing song session on the guitar or the gumat. 

Communion meant everyone admiring your attire. As I my aunt never trusted me with keeping myself clean, she stitched a three piece grey suit. Morning was for church while evening meant a celebration.

Marriages were a whole different  all game. The bachelor party or roce or panni meant breaking eggs on the bridal entourage heads which in turn lead to breaking of egg on everyone's head. If the groom was from the building, then the boys would rush to decorate the car as soon it arrived. If the bride was from the building then you would eagerly await to hear the bursting of crackers to come out and see the bride and admire her gown. Evening meant people rushing into the bus, as soon as it arrived, in order to ensure they got the window seats, but the boys always sat behind, entertaining the people in the bus with song filled with double meaning and colourful words. Being one of the few boys who knew to dance and jive, I didn't have a problem asking a girl to accompany me for the wedding march or a jive. As at the time, music was always by live band, you ended up jiving a lot and usually you had the camera focused on you. But then this could have a drawback if you dropped your partner.

Stone Building was a place where you celebrated most of the festivals. During Holi you witnessed the burning of the Holika and then see people play Holi. The next day you played with water pistols only to get shouting for wasting water. 

Ganesh Chaturthi meant going around seeing different pandals, with your neighbours, admiring the idols. During visarjan day, you would have everyone crowded at your place as they wanted to see the Lalbaug chat Raja. 

Diwali meant lighting of sparklers and crabs and fountain and enjoying it with friends. But you always ensured that all the remains were gathered at one place least anyone should get burnt. Then you also enjoyed the various delicacy prepared for the festival, in my case besan ka ladoo.

Bakri Eid meant feeding goats and then see them get sacrificed and then swear off mutton for the next month or two, much to the charging of your mother cause your freeze is stocked with it and you refused to eat. Ramzan Eid meant you were eagerly waiting for the appearance of the faloodawala and not to forget the sheer kurma.

But the grandest of all was Christmas. Christmas meant time for carolling. The time when got the whiff of the frying of kalkals and navri and  sorpetel and vindaloo. Once you were done making it at your place, you went over to your neighbours to help them. 

WChristmas also meant the making of the of the almost 10 feet star with a crib in it. Staying up all night to make it and then putting the finishing touches on the 24th to ensure that it went up, in the centre of the building, before midnight. Midnight mass was followed to with the customary trip to Cafe Mondegar and Bade Miyaan and then staying up all night at Gateway of India only to return home early next morning. 

Christmas Day meant music and housie and request program (a chance for the secret crush dedication). Children rushing around to sell housie tickets and people wanting to call out numbers, people standing out of their house with their tickets. It was customary to go and wish your neighbours,also because you wanted to taste the sweets they made (marzipan being my favourite). 

What followed was a week of fun and entertainment. Talent competition meant singing competition (at least then) with songs like Give me hope Joanna, Hey Mona and I was born a hundred thousand years ago. Fancy dress brought out the colourful best in the kids as well as the youth. Telly games brought a lot of excitement and some heated moments. And then you had the night cricket and volleyball matches for both boys and girls with the whole building out cheering everyone on. 

But the best was Christmas party. You had children dressed I their best, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa. And when he arrived they wouldn't contain their excitement and rushed to join him as he went around the building greeting everyone, while Jim Revee's  Jingle Bells played on loop. All eagerly to catch the candy that he threw in the air. Then you had games for the different age groups and snacks and dancing. The evening ended with the unmasking of the Santa, much to the anticipation and glee of everyone and the announcement who guessed the Santa right.

The weeks festivity culminated with the prize distribution and the winners of the raffle draw, on New Years. But before that you had the Old man walk. You had the children going around asking for old clothes and sarees, who then proceed to go to Byculla market to get hay to make the old man and old lady. Even though we were warned not to play in the play in the grass, we still played in it and then get scolded when we complained of itching. Evening meant loading everyone into an open truck for the old man ride and head to various places like Worli sea face and mazgaon but ensuring you came back before midnight, where the effigies of the old man and old lady were set on fire at the stroke of midnight followed by crackers and people wishing each other for the New Year and dancing and music.

As days and year went by, we grew up and moved on. The one room now felt small. Slowly and steadily people moved out and with it the spirit that bound neighbours together, slowly began to seep out too. Though Stone Building may still stand it is not exactly what it used to be. But whatever and wherever you may be it always draws you back to it cause you take it with you wherever you may go, an imprint on your heart, a photograph that's hung on the walls of your mind, a sweet memories that live on with you forever.

... no matter where you go

O'er land or sea or shore

You will always hear us 

Singing this song

We are the Stone Building Boys

Dream a little Dream for ME

Dreams are your window to what you can be, who you want to be, what you are capable of. Sometimes you may give up on them, but they have a way of never giving up on you. Just when you least expect it, there they are standing in front you, smiling at you, with that "I told you so" look (not the sheldon kind). Dreams have a way of coming true. 

I have a dream (not the MLK kind), or I had one, or I still have one (so confusing). I wanted to be a model (ok, ok, I can hear the snickering). I even got a portfolio done, matter of fact two them, one quite edgy and the other standard, met coordinators and even went for an audition. But then circumstances and Home Loans would have it, felt that modelling was something not for me. Look at me, I don't look one and neither do I have a physique like one. I knew I couldn't possibly be one. But somewhere at the back of head there was and still is, a yearning to do something. Especially when you see and help with shoots.

But just when you least expected, you get a DM asking you if you would be interested in being part of a photoshoot for a sports shorts. At first, i was wondering if it was true or just someone playing a prank on me. Even so i decided what was there to loose, so agreed to do it. Got a call Pravin, the co-founder of Athlos, who explained to me about the shoot and the concept, and from that I was on board.

Was pretty stoked about it since the brand was active wear and excited about the concept too as it had to do with running... so double wooohooo! And so the day dawned, but before I could don the hat of a model, I had take my job of a runner, a pacer, at the MRR run, cause I wouldn't want to miss it for the world, well not for June. I actually dared to purchase a full sleeves active combat gear so as to insure I didn't get a tan. So did a good 21 kms in the sweltering and humid Mumbai weather, greeted my friend, waited patiently for my dearest Jennifer To show up, wished and then was off to get ready for my shoot.

Tired and stoked are two things that don't mix well, but they were what I felt as I travelled to Seawood, Nerul, the location for the shoot. Picked my friend Saagar on the way and then we were off. Reaching there had to first find change for the cab, which made me hate the 2000 rupee note even more. 

At the gate met Pravin, who then introduced me to Shruti, the co-founder and the art director, Krutika (who was part of the Athlos team) the junior photographer and our photographer, Himanshu. Shruti ran me through the shoot board which she had prepared for the shoot (really began to like the way she worked). So the shoot was all about running and gymming, which was right up my ally. She then gave me the products, awesome black shorts (what they were promoting) and an equally awesome blue crew neck tee. So had two colours I loved. I even quipped that they matched my blue Pegasus shoes. Shruti further noted that the orange in the shoes would match the orange tee they picked for the next change. 

As we waited for my fellow model Rahul to reach, it was decided to move to the first location and begin the shoot with my solo shots, so that when Rahul came, his solos could be done then. So off we went to what I'll refer to as Seawood Lake. This was beautiful and scenic lake with a trail running around its border. It was hot and there were quite a bit of couples and college students (who seemed to have discovered a DSLR and how it could help their profile pic). While travelling, I noted that the short felt nice and light, almost as if they were not there. 

So Shruti explained to me what they were going to capture, Himanshu directed what he wanted me to do, and then it off to running back and forth, more like striding, while Himanshu and Krutika captured it. At once I knew I was in for a long and tiring afternoon (as I had run 21k in the morning). We captured some running pics and some while acted as I stretching looking at the lake (thank you Simtha and Giles sir for all your stretching sessions, they. Cam in handy). In the meanwhile, Rahul arrived with Pravin. At once I knew I was going to have an immense complex. Rahul is a sprinter who coaches at SAI training centre at Kandivali. Here was this guy who was a bit shorter than me, a little dark, but totally ripped and lean with chest and abs I could only wish for, at least for now.

So once I was done with my solo, it was time for Rahul's solo. Once Rahul's solo was done, we started with duo pics. Now since Rahul is a sprinter and I am a kind of long distance runner, we needed To match the pace and stride, this also gave me some time to get to know Rahul better, so we could have a natural chemistry for the pic. So we captured pics on the trail and couple of pic under an underpass. By now we were attracting the attention of group of teenagers who were clicking pics. And then we proceeded to the front of the park. Since I really wanted to some feedback I asked my friend Saagar what he thought about how it was going. Much to my relief he gave me a thumbs up.

So we reached the front of the park. On the way learnt about brand Athlos, about their products, how they positioned themselves and marketing strategies, which quite impressed me. Now the next shot needed us to to relax on the grass with one of us having to take off the our tee. Obviously that had to be Rahul, come on the chappy had abs and I had something that was not abs, but definitely not quite flab. He certainly gave some abs and chest goals. We clicked a couple of pics relaxing on the grass and then it was time to move to the other side of the lake.

Now here, since the light was not capturing the reflectors, Himanshu proceeded to use a couple of flashes. Unfortunately for me, my bunny rabbit or t-Rex hands came to the fore and I had to find a way to correct them. So we clicked a couple of solo pics and a few group pics, with Pravin joining us in the background. While clicking the duo pics there was a branches that came in the way which unfortunately needed to be rid off. We clicked a couple of more pics on the small path between the park and the road and some on the trail by the lake, especially against the girders of the bridge that supported a water pipeline. 

Once done we finally proceeded back to clubhouse from where we started. As i was already a bit drained from all the running, I managed to catch a quick wink in the car, as only I can do. Once back in the gym, it was a great relief to be indoors, away from the heat and sun and in an air conditioned environment. We took a couple of pics in lunges and squats and stretches to highlight the comfort the shorts provided as a gym wear. 

Once we were done with the gym there was a quandary of whether to take a break, as the light outside was harsh, or proceed with the last location, the steps. Once out it was decided to check the last location, to see if the light was good enough. For our good luck, it was. So we proceeded with the last segment of our shoot, the stairs. Now this could be quite tricky as the stairs were narrow and you needed to maintain your footing, especially coming down. But then we both did our shots and took a couple of shots of casual stretching, and with that it was a wrap. 

So now that shoot was a wrap it was selfie time, to capture the moment, to record Insta stories and post them. Both Rahul and I changed into our normal clothes, giving me time to pick tips from him, and we all headed to Subways for a well deserved sandwich, or subs. Over sandwiches we got to learn a little bit more about each other, where we lived, how we commuted (and survived to tell the tale of our travels) and bit more about Athlos. Once done it was time to book a cab, to head home and rest the weary body, with the experience of the day as a memory to cherish. A promise to help in more shoots.

I really like to thank Athlos, Shruti and Pravin, for choosing me to be a part of their brand campaign even tough I am not a model ( I can hear Saagar do a face palm at this), to Himanshu and Krutika for all the capturing, for my friend Saagar for agreeing to accompany me and lastly Rahul of being an awesome model. It was really an experience, and not to sound cliche, a dream come true. A day where I was truly a model, not playing one. Can't wait to see the output of the pics. So all in all don't dream it's over... cause you'll never know when it will come true.

Cool Kids

"Cool Kids"... who exactly are they? Why do we go through most of life aspiring to be like them? Well, without running the risk of sounding like an American teenage drama, these are the Jocks, the Princesses, the Queen Bees. The ones, who we perceive, are living the good life, driving the best cars, wearing the trendiest of clothes, owners of the latest gadgets, having the pick of the litter. The object of desire, want and envy.

Always seen with their group of minions, they rule the roost. Mostly everyone wants to be them or be seen with them. They are the popular kids to whom looks and status means everything. They are the envy and scorn of most of the crowd. Their popularity so invincible that often they fade people to the background.

In short they are pretty superficial, but we don't care because we want to be with them. We aspire to be part of their click. Beneath all those muscles and pans of make up and clothes, lies a hollow heart. In all their shallowness, they believe that the world revolves around them. They can be cruel, cold and heartless to someone outside their click, the outcasts. Never blinking an eye before spreading a rumour. They have no clue of the people around them, and they don't care about them. And inspite of all this we aspire to be with them, because want to fit in, be seen as the in thing, high on the pecking order. We so blinded by envy that we are willing to overlook the superficalness, their shallowness, to be with them, to be like them. They have no clue about where they are going and use their minions to do their bidding. But still we want to be them.

As years go by and we slowly grow out of this phase, just when we think we've come to our senses, we find ourselves in a life we thought we have put behind, we fall back in the trap of being seen as socially relevant. Again we want to be seen with the popular people, be it socially or career wise. We want to be seen with the popular click, the boss who makes all the decisions, who's responsible for our progression. We want to be invited to the most happening parties, be a part of important meetings and decisions, to be socially relevant and making, or faking, our way to the top. Ignoring the ones who embraced you for who you are.

Thus we go through our lives always envying the ones, who we perceive, are better than us. Always aspiring and trying to be something we may be not. Leading a life in way is built on superficial pleasures. Never truly living the life we were meant to live. Always trying to fit in.

"I wish that I could be like the cool kids,

Cause all the cool kids they seem to fit in."

Happiness - The Importance of being Truly Happy

Happiness, oh how great and mighty and wonderful, but elusive you are! How we crave you, want you, desire you! How we search the whole world for a little piece of you, willing to sell our souls for you. But you just dangle in front of us, like a carrot on a string, at the end of a stick, always in front but never in our grasp. 

How often, when we do have you, do we find you as a sacrificial offering on the altars of the high and mighty one as appeasement for the sake of others. Haven't we done enough to deserve you? Why do we have to sacrifice you for that others? Don't we have the right to happiness? Why are we scoffed at, looked upon with shame and disdain when we put ours ahead of others? Why are we called selfish and heartless? What's wrong with wanting you to ourselves?

Tough we may seek out the pleasures of the flesh, the senses, the being, it still leaves us with a wanting, a longing, like a hole that's has temporarily been plugged, that will spring a leak at any moment. These may satisfy our immediate craving but they leave us with a sense of guilt from the indulgence, a temporary fix.

Tough we often block you, lock you, hold you down in the deepest recesses of our being, we need you. How often have we equated our share of you to the share of others, never truly understanding that we are in fact sacrificing you. In other words we are never truly happy for ourselves cause we killed you for others. 

All through our live we try to make others happy, as a child our parents and all through our growing years. Happiness for us then would have been being better than the best, be the neighbours envy, parents pride, trying to stay ahead of the rat race, always on the top. And then we begin to earn to ensure we keep the home fires burning and keeping the spouse, the children and the boss happy, never truly having you to ourselves. 

We live in constant envy, whether it is for good food, good clothes, better life, better grades, better looks, cushy jobs, higher salaries. But in the bargain we squander our chances with you. Money and all the pleasures of the world can only buy the happiness of the temporary kind. Even then when we chance to look back of time gone by we wished we would have taken the maximum benefits of having you in our lives. But then this is never possible, we can try to relive the days gone by but can never bring them back.

We need you for ourselves cause when we have you for ourselves can others benefit from it. Happiness begets happiness. Happiness grows from the seeds we sow in ourselves, providing shelter from the sun for all those who benefit from the shade we provide.

We need you to find the peace within ourselves. Cause when we have you, we find contentment, a sense of completeness, of wellbeing and of confidence that goes a long way in overcoming any odds that have been stacked against us. But most importantly you show us that we are capable of caring for ourselves, no longer dependent on others, no longer placing our reason for happiness in the hands of others. Thus making us self-reliant and strong.

God forbid if we may ever loose you, either of our own doing or that of others, we will find ourselves hurtling down an endless rabbit hole, into the darkness of a bottomless pit. Loosing all sense of hope and sanity, and a sense of being and time. Reminiscing of the happy days gone by, wondering where did they go? what happened to the man you had once known, could you be that man again. 

So it's important that when we have you, we treat you with care and respect and not take you for granted. We got to be alert towards you and make sure you don't loose you.

So there's no guilt in prioritising our happiness over that of others, cause after all, a little Happiness never killed nobody, so why shouldn't we want some self-happiness for ourselves.