He Doesn’t Know That They Know That He Knows

He stood there at the door of his room wondering if it was right thing to do. He could hear his parents talking in the living room. They had just finished dinner, and were catching up on the events of the day. 

It was eating him that he had to keep this from them. This was his secret. He had never ever kept anything from them before. Thus it was even more difficult. He couldn’t just go out there and blurt it out, as if it were nothing. This was important to him, the discovery of which had left him confused, though it did answer a number of awkward events, questions and feelings. 

Would they accept him knowing this? Was that even a question, he was their “Medical Marvel”! They couldn’t be upset with their baby boy (a name that he distinctly didn’t like, but was willing to use it to his advantage)!

But this was no ordinary thing. It wasn’t like flunking examination, getting sent to the principal’s office, getting detention. It would be easier to tell them this, cause he knew what their reaction would be. But there was no way of telling how they would react to what he had to share with them!

He had to tell them, he had been quiet for way too long. But di they accept him, a question that was nagging, and it frightened him that he didn’t know the answer to question. And to make it more frightening, they were quiet devout, and took part in the activities of the church. Faith, always played a hug role in their lives. This made the prospect of telling them his truth even more frightening.

Just then his phone buzzed. It was a message from his best friend Hannah, who had been his biggest supporter in this discovery process. It was she who had always been encouraging and supportive of this process. 

So he took a deep breath and stepped out of his room. His parents were in their usual spot in the hall. He hesitated for a bit, but he was determined to do it. It was now or never.

“Mum, Dad, I’ve something say to you,” he said, rather hesitatingly.

“What happened, son ?” His father asked.

“Well nothing quite happened,” he continued  nervously, “There’s something I want to share with you.”

“Yes, you can share anything with us ,” said his mum.

“It’s something I only recently discovered, and don’t know how I can share it with you”, he said trying to muster all the courage he could.

“Go on son, we hear you!” His father chimed in.

He wanted to tell them but he was too nervous and scared. He could feel their boring into his skin.

“I am in love with Hannah!” He blurted out.

“Huh!” Said his parents in perfect unison, seeming disappointed.

Their response took him by surprise. This was not the response he was expecting, but this was not the response they would have if he had told the truth.

“Well,” his father finally said, putting end to an uncomfortable silence, “we are happy for you both!”

“We always thought you and Hannah would make a beautiful couple,” his mother, “with all the time you two spend together!”

He should felt relief but instead he felt all the more burdened for not being able to speak the truth. 

Just them door bell rang, interrupting a very awkward moment.

When opened it , it was Hannah at the door. This wasn’t his lucky day.

Before he could say anything his mother grabbed Hannah and hugged her, taking poor Hannah by surprise!

“Our son just told us everything,”his father said to a very confused Hannah, “we are very happy for you both.”

“Your welcome!” Said a bewildered Hannah, not quite knowing what exactly was happening.

“Hannah dear, would you join me in the over here!” Said his mother with a mischievous grin, and a wink which he didn’t notice.

He was now very confused with all the happening. He could not make what was going on. What he once again failed to see is his mom whisper in Hannah’s ears, “He doesn’t know that we know that he knows, so play along!”

“So tell me Hannah,” asked his mum teasingly, “how has our son been treating you!”

To his surprise Hannah answered cheerfully, “so far he’s been a good boyfriend.”

He response and her change in body language took him by surprise. What exactly was happening here!

“So is our son a good kisser?” Asked his father.

Now he was even more embarrassed. He turned into million shades of red.

“Dad, how could you ask such a question,” he protested, “Hannah, you don’t have to answer that!”

“No, no, that’s perfectly fine, “ replied Hannah, “the fact is your son hasn’t even kissed me yet!” 

“What!” said his mom looking at him sternly, “let’s put an end to this. Son, you need to kiss her soon!”

“Yes maa, I will do that soon,” he protested!

“Why not do it right now, “ his father suggested with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“That’s wonderful suggestion”, she said, much to his surprise, leaving him very surprise s and embarrassed. He couldn’t make what to do of this very strange predicament he found himself in.

“Come now son,  you don’t have to hesitate,” his father said playfully. “Don’t make the beautiful young lady wait!”

So they puckered up and tried to kiss each other. It was,  perhaps, the most awkwardly embarrassing kiss, he had ever had. Not that he had kissed anyone, guy or girl. So he had to soldier on.

As they tried to get closer, it became all the more awkward.

“I can’t , I can’t, i can’t! I can’t kiss Hannah!” He exclaimed.

“I why can’t you kiss Hannah?” His mum asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

“Because I am gay! I can’t kiss Hannah because I am gay! He cried out, and waited for the worse to happen. Instead he heard both his parents say, “We know!”

Once again they took him by surprise.

“You knew? How? And yet you let me go through all this!” 

Be notice that his parents and Hannah were all in on this prank.

“Son we always knew! We knew you were different,” said his father.

“What kind of parent would we be if we didn’t realise our boy was beautifully different, after all you are our medical marvel!” His mother said.

“So you are not upset that I am gay?” He asked.

“Of course we are not.” Said his father”We are not upset about who you are. We would always want to live you truth. And no son of ours is going to live a lie.”

“Son we love you no matter, no matter your choices, or your orientation. God made you perfect!” His mother.

Now he couldn’t hold back his tears. He ran and hugged them both tightly and started sobbing. They completed  the hug by pulling Hannah into.

He was finally happy to know that they knew that he knew that they knew and was happy for him!

A Question of Faith

He was a man of God, doing what God willed him to do, looking after his flock, then how could this happen to him. Hadn’t he done God’s will, then why did it happen to one of his own, his own flesh and blood.  The revelation had shaken him, left him confused, left him questioning his faith. He didn’t know how to react to it. He had an inkling for quite a while but chose to believe otherwise, chose to laugh it off. By secretly he prayed, he hoped that it wouldn’t be true, just a passing phase, which would over be before you know it.

But all these things were not meant to be, and what he feared happened. When his own flesh and blood came out to his family he felt his world shatter, he felt betrayed, and reacted rather harshly to the situation, to the predicament he found himself in. What would people say, what would the church say, they sure would have a field day gossiping about him. How would he keep his flock in check when he couldn’t do that for his own family?

The next couple of days proved to be awkward for him. He had no clue how to handle the situation and so chose to avoid his son, especially when they shared the same house, lived under the same roof. So they went for days without talking to each other, without uttering a single word to each other. But how long would he go avoiding him. They would surely have to face each other, talk to each other, after all this simmering tension was bound to come to a boil, it was just a matter of time.

Should he disown him as many had done to their children who had come out to them. But he couldn’t do this, he could never bring himself to do this, he would never do this. He was a good and obedient boy, loving and caring and respectful of all, dedicated to the works of the church and it’s mission. How could he do this to him, how could this happen to such a good boy.

One of his friend, in whom he had confided about his predicament, suggested Conversion Therapy to help his son find his way back and return to being normal. But was it possible to change the nature of a person, to alter it, and change their orientation? Was it possible to ungay someone? He doubted it, as he believed that such things were unscientific and not possible. So he was back to square one. 

When his son couldn’t take it any longer he decided to move out of the house. His coming out made him feel unwelcome, more importantly to the members of the church who refused to accept him, and the tension was tearing his family apart. He couldn’t see his family be torn and put through the ringer of emotions, so he decided to move out.

He was not very happy with his decision but then he really didn’t know what else to do. So he visited his mum. She sensed that something was not quite right and asked him about it. He told all that had happened, all that had transpired in the past couple of days and the conflict in his mind.

She listened to him patiently, and when he was done, she pursed her lips, which then broke into a smile. She ran her fingers through his hair as he rested his head in her lap. “He’s your son first, as you are mine,” she said, “rather than thinking about what the world would say, do what’s right for him, and at this moment he needs you, he needs his family.” She slowly continued, “What matter should be him. There’s nothing wrong with him, this isn’t his choice, where one day he wakes up and chooses to be gay. There’s nothing wrong with he chooses to love, and if he chooses to love a man there’s nothing wrong with it, nothing sinful about it, and we would need to accept it. Remember that God is love, and in love in all it’s form. Your family needs you, your son needs you, especially right now when he’s confused and vulnerable and scared, he needs his family the most, his father the most. So rather than thinking what someone would do, shunting him, making feel outcast, lonely and alone, ask yourself what would Jesus do and you’ll find your answer.”

He hugged her tightly and kissed her, said her farewell. On his way home, he closed his eyes tightly and asked himself, as his mother suggested, “What would Jesus do?”  And in that silence he found the answer to his situation. When he got home he went straight to his son’s room. His wife was there helping his son to pack. Her face weighed down by the sorrow she felt in her heart. He knew she had been crying the whole night, the redness in her eye betrayed her. The room was strewn with boxes and bags of things, stripped of all the posters and pictures that had previously adorned it. His son was putting some of his books into a box.

He went up to his son, and taking him by the shoulder, hugged him tightly, and they both began to sob. “You are my son,” he said, through the tears, “and I love you the way you are, who you choose to be. I apologise for reacting badly, but I promise you that going forward, no matter how tough the road ahead maybe, you will never ever be alone, your family will be there with you, I will be there for you. And though it maybe initially difficult for us, we will always be with you, by your side, no matter what the world might say. I shall love you forever, and you shall always be my son.” 

Under the Moonlight Sky

They had met in the most unconventional of ways. He always wondered, of all the people how did they connect to each other? They had chatted a number of time, which at first seemed awkward and strange, but slowly began to feel welcome and comforting. They were two lonely souls finding solace in each other.

They had met before, at a mall, chatting at length about everything under the sun, about life, career, love, friendship, bitching about other members, about themselves, helping each other get over their loneliness. The bond that was formed when they connected only made them fonder of each other.

Today as they were meeting for dinner, he had this feeling, a feeling he had not felt in a while. How was it possible that he could feel this way about someone he only got to know a short while? There was still so much they needed to know about each other. But still he had that feeling, a longing, that he just couldn’t shake off or wouldn’t shake off.

Throughout dinner, they laughed and they they talked. Smiled and shared dishes. People in the restaurant would have easily mistaken them for a couple of lover birds, never knowing they were just friends. They discussed about love and heartbreaks, of expectations and if happily ever after existed.

All through dinner and the conversation he felt a warmth within him, which only grew warmer with each passing moment. He sat there staring at the face of person that sat in front and smiled almost awkwardly. How could he feel this attraction to this magnificent creature that sat in front of him? Would they reciprocate back this feeling that he felt inside, which could no longer hide. It all seemed so wrong but it felt so right.

Dinner was done and the bill was dutched. They decided to catch coffee at the nearest  coffee shop. So as they rode down silently, as their bellies were full, in the chill of the night breeze. He felt a hand enveloping his waist and a warm breath at the back of his neck. His heart fluttered and flipped a thousand times, and began to beat and burn with passion greater than any passion he had felt. 

He just stopped at the next turn  and got off and turned, only to find they were facing each other. He was afraid of what would or what could happen next. He was scared that he would be rejected, scared that he had read the signs all wrong, if he could read signs at all. But he had to take his chance, whether it felt wrong or right, it was now or never.

He slowly leant forward, with all the courage he could muster. To his surprise, his actions was mirrored. Without a warning, the dam that held them back just burst open and the passion that was burning inside them just began to flow.

Their lips met and parted, their tongues wrestled with each other. There was that familiar warmth, one that he had not felt or tasted in a while. Their arms enveloped each other, holding on to each other tightly, as if their life depended on it. They stopped and stared at each other. This really was happening. Unable to fight the pull they radiated, their lips once more met, but this time it was more than the lips  that were the recipient. The moonlight provide just enough light.

They were conscious of their surroundings and broke off at the first sign of life or any movement, only to reunite once again, like lovers having a clandestine meeting. They just couldn’t keep their hand or their lips from each other.

Finally they stopped and slowly smiled at each other, knowing what happened was special. They rode back in silence, in ashamed and glad, holding on to each other. They had taste of each and smell of each other.

Finally they reached the train station and it was time for one last embrace. They embraced passionately, stealing one final kiss, away from the prying eyes. They said goodbyes and good nights and parted ways. He stood staring as this beautiful creature as made its way back home. He stood there longingly with a feeling of bliss , glad he had met him and shared these beautiful moments, no matter what the world may say about it.