Said I Love You… But I lied

I said I love you… but I lied

Cause these three words 

Doesn’t quite measure up 

To what you mean to me 

The feeling I have for you inside

I have lied to you

Every time I have said I love you

Because you deserve way more than love

You someone way better than me

But you chose me and I have chosen you

It’s a lie that I love you

Cause if the past few day is any proof

What we mean to each other 

Is way deeper than  that 

Way greater than words

To say I love you is a lie

Cause even though our differences 

May come in our way

May try to draw a wedge between us

But like the opposite poles of a magnet

We are drawn to each other 

I may love you but it’s a lie

Cause we are still learning 

How to work with our differences 

How to live with them

And not let them break us

Cause like a moth to a flame

I am drawn to you

I said I love you but I lied

Cause this is more than love

That I feel for you inside 

Said I love you but I lied

Cause love can never be so strong inside

Said I love you but I lied

I am OK… the LIE we tell ourselves

Whenever someone ask me how I am, or how’s my day was, my generic response would be “I’m doing good”, “the day’s good, hectic but good”. But is this really true or blatant lie we tell ourselves and others. 

Face it, people are just asking this as an obligation, making small talk and your response is an obligatory one. And we have been at both the ends of this. Do you think people really care how you are and how way you’re day? Maybe, maybe not! And do you really want to go around telling people how you really feel, and how your day really was? And so we lie, otherwise we would find ourselves in an awkward conversation that we would love to avoid.

We all love to hide our feelings, keep it tucked away from the world. We don’t want to say them or even let them manifest themselves for the fear  of treated as weak, the butt of the joke.

In our very social media centric world, we want everything to appear perfectly fine and all hunky dory, when in reality we are trying to hideaway the truth.

We try to appear strong and calm and disciplined, nothing can affect us, but in hearts we know that’s a lie, because on the inside we are an emotional wreck waiting to find solace and safety in another. 

Just like a duck who appears calm on the surface but is paddling vigorously on the inside. We may appear calm on the outside but on the inside a number of cogs are going around in full throttle.

I looked at my picture from a recent race where I am smiling for the photographer. But no one knew the battle going on inside, and that smile was a lie.

There are so many lies that we tell ourselves and that we tell and expect from others, turning ourselves to judgemental people, when in fact it’s just a manifestation of our insecurities and our inability to accept ourselves and being really uptight.

We got to learn to let go of the grip we keep on ourselves, loosen the reigns that control us. We don’t always need to answer a question, but let the answer manifest itself. We can be true to ourselves.

So next time if someone inquired about you life and day, you can give them your generic answer to a generic question, cause I don’t think either wants to take it forward.