.. for Good

Everyone that comes in our lives has a reason, has a purpose, has a role to play. They affect us, they change us, they meld us and mould us, helping us to become something good, helping us to become the best version of who we are, the best version of ourselves. And we in our own little way affect them too, helping them in return, only if we let ourselves to be open to each other, be affected by each other. Cause when we open ourselves we begin to learn, change and grow, together, for good.

But then nothing is truly permanent in life. Life itself isn’t permanent. So people are bound to come and go. And even though we try our level best to hold on to them, at some point we need to let go, set them free to set ourselves free, we can’t hold something forever. But even though they may go, they leave their impression up on us, upon or heart. And the ones that truly matter never truly go away. They imprint upon us, etched in our memories, like photographs hung on the walls of minds, they never go away, staying with us for all eternity.

Relationships are rarely permanent, rarely last, but the ones that are meant to be will be. Relationships are like the parable of the sower. Some relationships fall on dry ground and fail to take root. Some fall on rocks, where there’s some soil, they take root, but on the first sign of the sun, of difficulty, they wither and die. But then there are those that take root and bare fruits, prospering and growing, weathering whatever come their way.

Many a relationship don’t turn the way we intended for them to be. Some metamorphosing into something more beautiful, something more meaningful, something that we hadn’t really thought they could be, but something that they needed to be. These relationships turn into something way more special and important and stand the test of time in their own way. Embrace every relationship that you had, cherish it, respect it, honour it, but when it is over, mourn it, and move on.

So in the end everyone that comes into our lives have a reason for their presence, have a role to play, to help bring about a change, to act as a catalyst to become the best version of ourselves, the version we were meant to be. And even when they go, when they have to leave, they still stay with us in the lesson which they taught us, the change they affected in us, they remain with us forever, they remain with us for good. People don’t really go away, they stay with us forever, in our hearts and in our minds, in a place where we will hold them for all eternity.

A Reconnection

They worked in the same organisation, albeit briefly. They were both aware of each other and secretly crushed on each other, never really acting on that crushes, a bit too shy, a bit too afraid of being shot down by the other. Till one of them eventually found the courage and voice to speak. They had a nice conversation but once again nothing much happened after that, they just went back to their own shells once again, went back to their lives, to the routine of crushing on each other from afar.

Now time flew by, days changed into months, months to year. Organizations changed, jobs changed, friends came and went, and so did relationships. They seemingly lost touch with each other, till a post brought them back in touch with each other.

That simple birthday wish to a common friend led to a ping trying to figure out if this was the person they crushed on and somehow managed to loose touch, cause sometimes out of sight goes out of mind (sometimes holds true).  For a moment they were grateful that they saw that greeting to  as it served as a catalyst to try and get back with each other.

After a quick confirmation it was back to rekindling that feeling that they felt for each other, reconnect a connection that had come undone for whatever reason it may have been. There was a decade worth of catching up. And though chat served its initial purpose of reconnecting them to each other, to catch up, they needed to meet, to see if there was something there that wasn’t there before.

So they finally met, finally admitting the crush they had for each other, and then sharing a good laugh about it cause the opposite person wasn’t aware about it. They shared their lives, all that had happened, everything that transpired till that very moments. The highs and lows, the joys and sorrows that they had seen, everything that had occurred to them through the years.

In those moments of tender sharing they realised that they had feeling for each other but then they were hurt, or hurting, from wounds inflicted by others, by past relationships, past experiences, some self-inflicted. They discovered that they were broken, bruised, in need of some healing to be done. Life had not always been kind on them, but had been a strict teacher, cause through each of those moment they found the strength that had made them stronger. 

They really liked each other but then there was some healing to be done before jumping into things. Each of them had a life to live, things to be done. They just didn’t want to be a tick mark on each other’s checkboxes. They needed to be more open to each other gives each other thing. They needn’t get ahead of themselves and just dive into thing, when take a slow stroll and still get to the same place. There was no use to label things and then ruining it all.

That day they decided to give each other space and take it slow  and see where things would go without disrupting their lives they had known. They found a way back into each other’s lives, they didn’t want to loose each other once again. They wanted to hold onto each other but not too tightly that it became suffocating for the other. They were friends first, friends who would be there for each other. From there they could take it nice and slow. It was time to make the most of their lives, the opportunity of reconnecting. To hold on to each other and never let go. That day was the first day to make the most for the rest of their lives. A reconnection.

The Vanishing World

I close my eyes and hope to see

A world that’s waiting there for me

A world that I can call my own

The world of pain that’s known to me

Just vanishes away for while

And for those few moments

I can be who I want to be

People who’ve vanished from my live

Many who are no longer alive

Or have moved on to better lives

Find a way back to me

They may have vanished from my world

But here they will always be

One with me for all eternity

The world that doesn’t accept me

Cause I may not be 

The way they want me to be

Vanishes for those moments

And in those brief moments

I can be the way I want to be

That’s true and honest to me

A society that looks down on me

That always tries to label me

And pokes fun at me

Judges me for I choose to be

The way that I am 

For who I choose to care for, to love

Who I choose to settle down with

In those moment this society vanishes

And I am part of the world 

That accepts me the way I want to be

But then I have to open my eyes

And return back to a world I’ve known

While the world I’ve dreamed of

Vanishes from my eyes

To remain a figment of my mind

But always with a hope 

That one day I’ll find a world 

that’s meant for me

And will never let it vanish from me

Life is too Short... to be Wasted

Life is too short

To be wasted worrying about 

The what-ifs and what-nots

And what could-be

To live in regrets

The milk has already been spilt

They no use crying over it

You can’t pour it back 

The world has moved on

So should you

Life is too short

To be wasted being troubled 

By the opinions of others

Everyone has a right to their opinions 

Everyone has their own perspective 

They may never see things

The way you do

The way you think they should

But it’s by no mean means 

That you are right and they are wrong

And the other way around

It’s just you don’t let them

Weigh on your mind

You don’t let them get to you

Life is too short

To be wasted living a safe life

To living in what feel safe and secure

Nothing good can come from

Staying within the safety 

Of the walls that you build

It’s time you break down those walls

Step out of the boundaries 

Push your boundaries 

Let not your thoughts and fears limit you

To live the life the way you were meant to 

Life is too short

To be wasted being who you are not

To roam around wearing a mask

To be not true to yourself 

How long would you live

Living a life what others want you to live

To live a life of just a show

A jaga maga mala bhaga

To create an image that’s not true

To live a life that ain’t true

How long would you go on

Living a life that’s a lie

Wake up and be true to yourself

Life is too short 

To be wasted running from it

To working hard for money

To forgetting you have a life to live

To be scared of 

What the world may think of you

To live according to the opinions of others

It’s time you take control of your life

Live the life you were meant to live

Be the person you were meant to be

Embrace yourself for who you are 

Carry yourself with pride

Learn something new

Do something you never did 

Surprise yourself

Do something for yourself 

Don’t be a victim of your situation 

There’s no medal or badge of honour

Life is too short

To be wasted wearing a perpetual frown

To want something 

But be too lazy to work for it

To complain but do nothing 

To right the wrongs

If you want a change

Then be that change

If you want to change

Take courage and make the change

Nothing will come to you

Nothing will be given to you 

Placed on a silver platter

You need to go out there

Hustle and make it happen

Life is too short

To be wasted being all by yourself

Take a chance on love

Give yourself the chance to love

As much as you can 

To love and be loved

To feel the greatest emotion 

you’ll ever feel

To risk it all, to give love a chance

To put your heart on the line

What good is a protected heart

Hidden from the world 

Give in to your desires

Go out there and find the one

Who’s the reason for your smile

The sunshine on your darkest day

The one who makes heart skip a beat

In who’s embrace you feel safe

Who makes you  feel wanted

In whom you find your home

Life is too short

To be wasted being put in one place

To stay where you are 

And not see the world

Not wander down the road less traveled

To see the world

 the way it was meant to be

Cause I’m the end

Life is short

The world is large

Go out there and live

Go out there and make a memory

An Ordinary Man

I am nothing special, I am no one special. In fact I am a bit of a bore. I’m an ordinary fellow, nothing great, no one inspirational. I am nothing perfect, in fact I am far from it, and I know I will never be it. I don’t expect perfection, cause we all perfect the way we are. I am a bit broken, a bit damaged, a bit crazy, a hell lot confused.

I get easily overwhelmed by attention, I don’t crave it, I don’t seek it, but that said, I do appreciate it. I am no sinner, I am no saint either, I have my wants, I have desires, and something I act impulsively on them. But very often that leaves me with a strange feeling thanks to a prickly conscience.

I find it strange when people have crushes on me, want to be with me, want to get I on with me, cause I know there many more out there who way better than me. Very often I get overwhelmed with attractions, overwhelmed by the feeling of being drawn to someone. I am like everyone, I want to be wooed, I want to be love, as much as I can love, as much as the love I can give. I would love to see the opposite person take initiative as much I will. I may be childish, but I can try to do the best and be the best.

But then there are times when I may stumble and fall. I may have a cranial need, a physical need, and I may act upon it or may just try my best to deny myself it. I am no goodie-two-shoes, though I may often act like one. I may flirt, I may talk dirt, I get flattered when I know people desire me, though it leaves me feeling awkward, but at some level I like it. I enjoy the thought of sex and all that comes with it. But I also have a prickly conscience that ends up pricking my bubble. Leaving me feeling awkward, so often slut shaming me, unfortunately.

I am so often overwhelmed by feelings, so screwed by my overthinking. But I am who I am, I am an ordinary guy, nothing special or great about me. I am imperfect, broken, damaged, confused, someone who stumbles and falls bit too often but someone who does want to love and be loved.

At the end of the day I am just an ordinary guy who wants to love and be loved.

Coming a Full Circle

Today (yes it ain’t 12 yet as I write this) life felt like it came full circle. It was three years back where I attended the first ever inaugural promo run of the IDBI Federal Life Insurance Mumbai Half Marathon (damn that’s quite a mouthful but I know we have to put it that way to be correct), and after those three years today was only the second time I’ve actually attended the promo run. 

I didn’t attend, or I should be saying I missed most of the promo runs even when I was an ambassador (last year) with my pic being front and centre. For the inaugural run, I flagged off my MRR Training Run at one end of Bandra, quickly took a rick and went to the other end (changing my tee in the rick), flagging off the promo run, and then return back to MRR duty. Missed most of the other promo run (even the one on my Birthday because I was running in Ladakh).

Today felt like life coming a full circle, as I stood there hooting and howling as my buddies took the stage, as Sunil sir called them on. During that first promo run I hardly knew many runners, I didn’t know Sunil sir and Sangy Ma’am that well. But all that has changed. I am such in awe and respect for both of them, and Sangy Ma’am hugs are a must before the Mumbai Marathon. I am part of the running fraternity, and I will confess many know me, though I struggle to place them, remember their name, and trust me I am now way trying to be snobbish, I squarely blame it on age. I am part of this crazy group of Runners that I call my family, that is MRR, a.k.a. Mumbai Road Runners, giving me an opportunity to give back to running what I have received from it, love, inspiration and friends for a life time.

But what I remembered the most of that day is asking this distinguished gentleman with silver hair and wearing this Oakley glares, ans that bright colourful race gear, if I could have the pleasure and honour to run with him. And though he tried to discourage me, saying he was slow runner and he was going according to his training plan, I still insisted on running with him. The next day I read his beautiful post and it put a lump in my throat. Today as I ran I once again I remembered him, ran with him in my heart. Raviji I will always fondly remember you.

What today, or yesterday (as its past 12 now and we have moved into tomorrow) made me realise was on that day I was just another runner, just another drop in the sea of runners. Years from that day I am still just a drop in the ocean but now people do know me, and sometimes that leaves me feeling awkward. That day I had the opportunity to run with Raviji, today I ran with my buddies Dylan, Subhjit and Rajat, followed by a yummy breakfast with some awesome company.

From admiring the runners on the stage, to being one of those runners on that stage, to cheering my buddies today (felt like handing my sash over to them), Life sure has come a full circle.

The Race Ambassador Syndrome

Flashback to three years to the first ever promo run you’ve been to. You look upon a bunch of runners gracing that stage, many of whom are serial podium finishers, Ultra Marathon Runners, each inspirational in their own right, people who you look upto, both literally and figuratively. Many of whom you would soon call your friends, mentors, people who inspire you. You aspired to be them, to exchange position with them (little did you know you would actually do that a couple years down the line). They made you want to register for the race (and yes the lalach of a personalised race tee was also there).

Flash forward a few years down the line and there’s a race or two, every week of the year, even in the torture month of May, which is normally considered as offseason. And every race has to have a Race Ambassador, a popular runner, who would help draw runners to the race, as the face of the race. You have every Tom, Dick and Harry and Sally being Race Ambassadors. You find yourself scratching your head when you see the face of those who are now race Ambassadors (or maybe it’s just the dry scalp itching you). Sometimes it leaves you perplexed wondering what did they do to qualify to be a race ambassador (that includes yours truly too, still trying to figure out).

What you got to understand that races use these ambassadors to attract runners, attract their fan following (which these have in spades) expecting them to promote their run. And many who end up signing up for race because their friend is the face of the race, or are pacing the race. So if the organisers can use the runners popularity to attract registrations, then shouldn’t they also be held accountable if the race doesn’t meet the expected standard, and they in turn should hold the organisers responsible to  ensure that the runners get the experience that they deserve, they paid for. You should be able to call a spade a spade and take ownership or pull-up the organisers when you need to.

It is easy shirk off the responsibility and blame the organisers when things go wrong, but remember that your name too is attached with the event making you too in a way responsible for it. So rather than being all swept off at seeing your name plastered over Facebook and other social media, understand what the event is about, what is it trying to promote and who’s promoting the race and what are their track record. It’s easy to get your ego all swollen up but difficult and painful when the ego gets bruised.

So don’t get caught up in all the flattery all the euphoria, cause let’s face it, you’ve been used as much as you think you’ve been promoted. So be aware of the whole Race Ambassador Syndrome.

P.S. It’s funny to see runners be so myopic, choosing to support someone while ignoring, or choosing to ignore the person past indiscretions and unsportsmanlike behaviour and try and support the person and not question an already tarnished image.