Wednesday, March 18, 2020

.. Dance away the Blues!!!

“Put on your red shoes and dance the blues”... sang David Bowie. Well I don’t quite have a red shoe, and neither can I dance the blues. But I can sure put on my dancing shoes (which shows no sign of red on it), and dance away my blues.

I don’t quite have two left feet! No sireee I don’t! I am damn sure about it. And I am sure rhythm is always going to get me, and I definitely don’t dance like the drunk uncles at a weddings. I can sure hold a beat, though I am not quite sure I can dance to it!

There’s something liberating about dance. It’s no just rhythms and beats, or steps and choreography. It’s a mean to set your soul free. It’s an expression of self, of your inner feelings, a fluidity of movement, letting you express the words you cannot speak, through movement. 

It has become my happy place, where I can escape to when I feel the world is conspiring against me, when nothing seems to be going my way, when anxiety threatens to consume, when I am struggling to maintain my sanity, hen I feel broken and beaten. Dance has been my go to therapy. Helping me forget my cares, my pain, helping ride out the lows I go through, loose myself in the moment. 

And though I may have struggled to find my feet (even though I still contend that I don’t have two left ones), though I may have been intimidated by partners, struggled to pick up choreography, got in my head, let my nerves get a better of me, I can’t help my dancing feet, cause they can’t just stand still, dancing to the beats of my heart, the rhythm of the blood flowing through my veins.

Then you have friends who bring joy to you, helping you not just to dance but being there for you when you need them. Helping you find your feet when you’re little bit unsteady. Your support system that you didn’t knew you needed. Seeing them brings joy to you like a child meet his friend after a vacation.

And although you my have goofed up your certification, you yet look forward to giving the next level and in even more dance forms. And though you struggled to pick up a dance form you thoroughly enjoyed performing it. You totally immersed yourself in it, and was lucky to dance with your best partner, helping you put your best foot forward, especially in front of people who mean the world to you.

So in the end you can’t wait to see where the road leads me, where these dancing feet take you. Though I technically can’t really say that the journey has only just begun, because it has been a while I have been on this road, and boy am I learning and enjoying it, with friends who have become a dancing family. So here’s to many more memories to make, so many more dance forms to learn, so many friends to make. Here’s to dancing away the blues!


Saturday, March 14, 2020

Why oh Why!!!









Why oh why oh why!
Why do we have “Why”?
Why this, why that!
Why me, why now
So many Whys 
Not many How
An annoying word to be heard
To ask and be asked
To try and find an answer 
To an eternal, infernal question
With no answer in sight
And solution to be found
So it needs to be banned
To be banished 
To the further most recesses of the mind
Never to be used again
Never to be heard again 
Never to be asked
Never to ask
No more WHY
And on a different note
Why is pretty neat song by Annie Lennox 

Thursday, March 12, 2020

(Backup) YOU

It’s something we all need to do
But it’s the one thing 
We find the toughest to do
We struggle with it
We doing ourselves about it
We find it difficult to do
To accept ourselves for who we are
The way we are
We crib and cry about our imperfections
Never truly realising 
That these are our perfections
Cause we are perfectly imperfect 
We may be broken
We may be bruised 
But that’s what makes it uniquely you
So be who you are 
Who you are meant to be
There’s no need to be afraid 
There’s no need to hide
Cause one can tell you can’t
So be unabashedly you
Be a rainbow 
Be a unicorn
Be uniquely you
Don’t shy away from your sensuality 
Don’t be afraid to express your sexuality 
Learn to enjoy them both
Learn to own them 
Just as you would of your body
Irrespective of its type
Be proud of who you
Cause the greatest love 
Is learning to love yourself 
And if you can’t love yourself 
How can you love anyone else!

Monday, March 09, 2020

The Man

If I was the label
That you’re used to 
If I ticked off all the boxes 
Of your checklist 
That you choose to use
If I said those words
Just to woo you
Would I be the MAN to you?

If I was calculative 
If I was cool
If I did things to just show off
And manipulate you
If I followed your every rule
If I boasted about 
My so called bright idea
Just to impress you
Would I be the MAN?

If I played sports
And was more outdoor
If wasn’t so domesticated 
And knew house chores
Others were meant to do
If did all the things
That a boys should do
So I could please you
Would I be the MAN to you?

I’m sick and tired 
Of trying hard as I can 
Trying to be the MAN!
I am sick and tired 
Of trying to be something I can’t 
Just to prove that
I can be the MAN!
Would I be MAN?

But I can’t be boxed in a hole
Or be labelled
Cause I am more than just a position
I seek more than a position
Or think myself of any community 
I show by actions 
And not just through words
How much I care 
But I will never try 
To do anything
Just to get close to you
Or try to flatter and please you
I am way more than that
 Cause the bad ones get the cream
While the good deal with a broken heart

I refuse to brag 
About the things I’ve done 
Or take credit for what I’ve not
Or butt kiss or boot lick
To be in your good books
And move ahead 
As a career move
I may lack the power moves
Or refuse to be drawn
Into a political game

But I take pride of all things I do
About who I am
Who I strive to be
But that means nothing to you
I try not to judge
The ones I know and meet
Always a giver 
With little in return
But I don’t mind it 
Cause that’s who I am 

I get hurt and I get bruised
And bear those scars 
On being used
I may tear up
But I will never let you see me cry
Those tears in my eyes
Cause they are mine
Not because I don’t want 
To be seen as weak

Others may walk over me
But don’t take me for granted
Cause I may be patient
But if you stretch me too far
I will snap
And then maybe
You’ll feel the pain I feel
But then I refuse to stoop 
Or come down to a level
That would be low for me

But no matter what
I’ll still be the better MAN
I’ll be the MAN!

Saturday, March 07, 2020

..when Santa ran a Half Marathon... ok 21 k

I have always known him to be a jolly soul, always cheery, a bit loud, ok quite loud. Someone so full of life, someone always ready to support and lend a helping hand to those who need it the most. Someone who will always cheer and motivate you the loudest, as big as his personality. Someone who reminds you (and for that matter, everyone else too) of a holly jolly soul from the North Pole.

As he had been training diligently, it was a natural progression for him wanting to attempt a Half Marathon distance (that’s 21 km, for the uninitiated), and it was good he was attempting this distance on a supported training run which meant there was no timing pressure, running at a comfortable pace. And so we egged him on and cheered him on, the day before, boosting his spirits, trying to keep his josh high, only to add to the pressure of completing it. And in the words of the man himself, it felt like giving a board examination.

So on the day of the run I was quite happy to see him alight the rick, greeting him with the enthusiasm I could muster (after all who wakes at 3 am on a Sunday morning and not run... the answer to that is a crazy Admin). So after getting the warm up done (while you go on a clicking spree) and giving the necessary instructions and clicking the group pic, while trying to balance yourself on a wooden plank like platform, off they went.

After waiting for them to pass by I went to my water station, but not before seeing him pass by. Reaching the water station, I began to work with my fellow volunteers to prepare the hydration before the runners begin to flow. So once the hydration was ready you and your fellow volunteers go about doing what you do best, be buoyed by each other’s enthusiasm and that of the runners who stop by to hydrate, to chat, to click a selfie. You continue to be your cheery self, shouting (if not literally screaming it out) “Water, Fast and Up”, irrespective whether the runner stopped, just acknowledged, or plainly ignored you.

As a large group of runner arrive at your station you get busy serving them water and Fast and Up, preparing Fast and Up, chatting with them, enquiring about their run and the Unpredictable Mumbai weather. You get totally caught with your volunteering responsibilities that you begin to wonder if he passed you by. You ask friends if they have seen him pass by, cause somehow at the back of the mind you have this nagging thought that he would be amongst the last runners to reach the station. But then no one had seen him, and he already passed by the previous water station (which had packed up and headed to the end point), you begin wonder if he decided to give up, after all Mumbai weather can be treacherous, and can never be easy to cover the distance, especially for a first time runner. 

Your fellow volunteers think they saw someone like him pass by, but somehow something nags you that he hasn’t passed by. You reluctantly wrap up your station as the last runner has passed your station. However, you ask your fellow volunteers to wait for you as you get rid of the garbage from your station.

As you search for a dustbin to dispose off your garbage, you see him. He looks tired and weary, a bit hunched, running at a slow pace. But doggedly determined to cover the distance he set out to do. I breathe a sigh of relief, and can’t help but smile and cheer him on loudly. He may have been weary but spirit is high and the josh burning bright. He was still his jovial, cheery, loud self. And yes you couldn’t help but wear a really broad smile. 

You quickly try to find a garbage bin, but then by the time you get back to your station he has already passed and proceeded on his way. You finally wrap up the station, hail a cab, and you head to the end point. On your way you see him go, renewed and refreshed but still determined to finish it. You inform the other water station to be on the look out for him as he would be the last runner to cross, and then they can wrap up the station once he has passed by.

Reaching the end point you’re  greeted by runners who have completed their runs. You go about chatting and socialising and doing what an Admin got to do, avoid posing for pics but always ready to click. So while the cool down stretches are being done you go click happy, but not before you get your face smeared with blue colour. By that time the volunteers from the last water station arrive at the end point, which meant that he has successfully crossed the last water station. When you enquire about the same with the volunteers, they confirm that he indeed had passed the last water station. So you know that by hook or crook he’s going to complete his first 21k.

You get busy making announcements and trying to get the runners to assemble, talk over their chatter and fit them in a single frame (which trust me, is not quite an easy task, unless you are willing to fall off into the Arabian Sea)! But then he’s no where in sight and it has been a while since the last water station team has returned to the finish point, making him miss a majority of the post race shenanigans. So you begin to worry again, if he would make it. But the low and behold you see him in the distance. You can’t help yourself but let out a loud cheer, encourage him, and then when he finishes you beam proudly as he  raises his hand in jubilation, a victory of mind of over body, of dogged determination, a victory for himself.

If I could tear up I would, and I fight that feeling. Making me wonder if you ever got that emotional on seeing someone complete a run! But then you know you did that day, when Santa decided and completed a Half Marathon!

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

.. the Sea within!!!

My mind is like an endless sea
Deep, dark and bottomless
It longs to be calm waters 
But ends being choppy seas
Never truly still
Always disturbed
A constant storm brewing
And in those stormy waters
I find my sailing
Tossed from wave to wave
Constantly fighting to find a way
Constantly fighting to stay afloat
Constantly in a fear
Of drowning in my thoughts
But still I hope for calm waters
I hope to stay a float
To swim against the tide
To find a way to calm the raging sea
To find a way to calm it down
And bring some semblance 
In the thing I call life!

Sunday, March 01, 2020

What is happiness to you???

What does happiness mean to you??? It’s waking to a message from someone dear to you. Someone who you thought lost in the darkness but now determined to make their way into the light. Reading their message moves you, brings you to a hint on tears, if not the whole water works. And though it may have been the coughing fit that woke you up, you can’t help but stay awake with the joy you feel for that someone who’s dear to you  who has found their way back.

What does happiness mean to you? It is seeing your friend run their first half marathon, and you cheer them on. And when you haven’t seen them pass by you worry if you missed them. But then you see them making their way to the station you can’t hide the excitement to see them. And at the finish line you are filled with joy just seeing their determination with which they covered the distance, and it’s this determination that leaves you in awe, leaves you inspired, cause you know this friend is a jolly soul, and you want to be there for him as he has cheered many before. So you find yourself moved and filled with happiness just seeing him finish.

What is happiness to you? It is seeing a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and you don’t know the reason why. But now you see her, you’re so happy to see her back. You can’t help smile, and give her big hug, and welcome her back.

What is happiness to you? It is meeting a couple that you adore, who inspire you, and you get a warm hug from them and moment to chat with them. It is meeting a friend who has inspired you, guided you, and mentored you. It’s in the warm hug you receive, a friendly conversation you share, along with a selfie. It is being part of a running family that you help to nurture and grow, amongst the people you love and adore.

What does happiness mean to you? It is happiness you hear in your friend’s voice when they call you . It’s in the crackle in their voice, you can visualise that happiness, and in that you find an happiness, a warm sweet feeling spreading through your heart. It’s in their happiness you find a soothing calm, a happiness that becomes your own.

What does happiness to you? It’s the moment the music reaches your dancing feet and you loose control and let the rhythm take over your soul. To dance to the beating of your heart, getting lost in the music, filling you with a joy only you know, to be dancing with gusto and heart. It’s in the fact you are in the front row and are able to pick steps and keep to the beat, filling you with a joy and happiness, making you forget the cares for the world.

These are few of my favourite things, the things that makes me happy, that brings a calm, and in the end in deed making it a beautiful day!