.. Ahead of the Beat

It’s good to stay ahead in the game, a step ahead of the competition, but it’s never too good, or right, to stay ahead of the beat. Boy did I learn this the hard way, as if I wasn’t already aware about it.

As I stood there awaiting my turn, I could feel the butterflies fluttering around vigorously in the pits of my stomach. Each moment making me more nervous as I patiently awaited my turn, as one after the other, students went in to perform their sequence in the chosen style. 

I had practiced all I could, learned the sequence, and was now raring to go, but I had to wait, wait till it was my turn. And as I waited I could feel those nerves work themselves up. If I practised anymore l would be one mass of sweat, knowing the way I do, I would end up having a Mandakini moment.

During the coffee break we posed for pics, clicked group pics, dance poses and goofy poses. This helped take off the edge, lightening up the moment, at least for a while. But once done the nerves were back with a bang.

And when the moment finally arrived, I made a quick sign of the cross (as I always do), took a deep breath, reminded myself that I got this, and took Minelle’s hand (who was partnering all the guys). Bowing towards the examiner, Mr Hunt, who asked me which style I would be dancing. After stating that I would be doing the cha cha and the salsa, I got into partner hold, awaiting Conrad to play the music so I knew which style to dance on.

I breathed a sigh relief when it turned out to be the cha cha, on a song I was familiar with. So I got into the cha cha hold and started on 2, trying my best to maintain my frame while trying to look poised and confident. But then I let my nerves get the better of me and I could feel myself floundering a bit. I looked at Minelle who was looking at me, counting for me, trying to keep me on beat. And when Conrad asked to restart again, I could feel my heart sink like a rock, fast and quick, to the pits of my stomach. What I feared was happening.

I regrouped  myself and got ready for a second time, willing myself to get it right this time around. Alas once again the nerves got the better of me and I found myself a step ahead of the beat, stumbling. I tried to look towards Minelle like a helpless, lost puppy, who was once again counting and trying to get me on beat, trying her best to ensure I gave it my best. But somehow my brain seemed to have frozen over and and legs didn’t move the way it should. There was no coordination between my head and my limbs. I hesitated and had couple, ok, quite bit of missteps, pausing a sec to regroup myself, hoping that this ordeal would be over soon.

I breathed a sigh relief when Conrad paused the music. One part done now on to the next one which was bit more tricky as I knew Salsa wasn’t my forte. But to my surprise, the it went smoother than the cha cha. Well not as smooth, still rough around the edges, a bit hesitant, some missteps. But on the whole a bit better, if definitely not perfect. 

I finally looked towards the examiner, Mr Hunt, bowed, who returned the bow with a warm smile, making me  wonder if it’s just a formality wala smile, or a consolatory one, or was it a genuine one? Well what else did you expect from an overthinking, bumbling fool.

As I exited the room, there was this feeling of disappointment, knowing that I could do better, knowing that I hadn’t given it my best. I thanked Minelle, picked my bag, wished the rest the very best and left in a hurry. Didn’t want to stay back any longer lest I feel all the more lousy with my performance. I left feeling a bit low, dejected and disappointed with myself, cause there was no one but myself and my nerve to blame.

That evening as I chatted with my friends, who helped me realise that I was being too hard on myself (something I was and am painfully aware about). We are all novices, not professionals, and so we are bound to make mistakes, especially when it’s the first time we are giving such an examination, brave enough to take up this challenge. But the important thing is to stay calm, and let not those mistakes bring you down. Learn from it and move on. Take everything in your stride, as an experience and learn from it. You are brave enough to undertake. So what if you were a step ahead of the beat, you’ll learn and find a way to stay on the beat.