It Takes a Village

It takes a village to bring up a child, not just a sperm and egg contributor. And though one may say that one will do it on their own, it takes a village of people directly or indirectly involved in the upbringing of the child, people who become your very own village.

Right from the boss who signs your paycheques, or pays your dues, becoming the enabler of the necessities of life, to the milkman, the farmer, those who put together the things needed to nourish you.

And when you got to get back to earning a living, winning the bread you need to break, you have the daycare, the aiyaha, the babysitter, the people who  take the little tyke off your hand so that you can go out there make a living, when you don’t have a close relative to come to your aide.

You have the teachers, the tuition teachers, the professors, the faculties, who help you shape the lil one, of course with your contribution.

You have the people the lil one will come across, the experiences that will affect which way the lil one will grow.

And not to forget the doctors and the nurses, who help to make sure the lil one grows to be strong and healthy.

All these people, and many more, become your own lil village that help you bring up your lil one, whether you acknowledge them or not. And when your lil one grows, they will have their own lil village to bring their own lil one.

The Parental Control: An Eternal Struggle

What are parents but the giver of life, the ones responsible for our conception, our creation, for bringing us into this world, breathing life into us, our very existence. But as much as we are eternally grateful for their presence in our lives and all that they have done for us, they tend to become the bane of our existence when they refuse to relinquish control over us.

So often parents are the ones who want to be at the reign, the ones at the wheel, driving you crazy with their expectations. They have their own expectations and dreams and you are expected to toe the line, and if you don’t meet or fulfil them then you’re not going to hear the end of it. They will never let a single moment go to remind you about it, and when you decide to forge your own path and not go down the path they foresee for you, when you don’t turn out the way they want you to, or do the things they don’t approve of, you need to be strong to face what is to come. Any deviation is met with resistance.

Many conflicts are purely due to expectations, what’s expected from you and what you are meant to be, the standards you are expected to meet. This ends up be the cause for many strained relationship, many a unhappy and fractured families, all because one refused to loosen the reign, give up the driver’s seat, let someone else drive for a change.

A parent is the child’s first teacher, instilling both knowledge and discipline in them. As their child grow a parent become their guides, helping them forge their own paths, directing and nurturing them, treating them like an adult capable of taking their own decision, taking a back seat while letting them drive their own lives. We are humans and there are going to be times we will will stumble and fall, we are bound to make mistake. But it’s through our mistakes we will learn, in every fall we shall rise. It’s here we need some one to guide us, it here where we need someone to help pick ourselves up, it’s here where we need our parents the most. 

We look up to our parents for advice, for guidance, for support. As much as we want our parents to understand us, we too need to understand them, to understand where they are coming from, not blindly rebel, refuse, clash with them. Nothing good will come out from a conflict other than a strained and unhappy relationship. We need to learn to talk, to say what’s troubling us. If we want them to understand us we need to help them see our point of view, to understand who we are and what we choose to do. They would need to let go in order to let their child grow.

In the end rather we driving each other crazies with the constant struggle for control, we need to collaborate to help us grow. This would help both avoid conflicts and bitter feelings helping both to grow.

The Great Emotional Blackmail

“You toh don’t care about us! You have no value for the sacrifice your father and I had to make so that you could have this life! You don’t value us at all and what we have to say!”

Sounds familiar? May be very Hindi filmy but at some point of time we have heard it or some variations of it. How many eye rolls we may have given? How many times we may have fallen for this, hook line and sinker? A line we all can associate with.

It’s not that we don’t value or respect you. Trust me it is far from it. We really love and do care for you and value what you have done for us. We are no way ungrateful or heartless or selfish people you may take us to be in that moment. There are things we need to do for ourselves rather than doing it because you want us to.

Love happens and it doesn’t see gender and religion and background and religion and caste and social status. When we fall in love we don’t see these things. Who we choose to love is totally our prerogative, which may or my not have your approval and may not meet society’s norms and may be looked upon with disdain. But we just love who we love. I know love can be blind, blinding us from seeing things, and we know you have our best in mind, but somehow we have to learn about it on our own. We look towards you for guidance. Very often we let love lead the way.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people, who need to live with each other for the rest of our lives or till death do us a path or we do that ourselves. It is not something to be done because someone wants you to. Marriage will happen when it has to happen and if we want it to happen. It needs to be between two people who choose to be with each other and not because their parents choose for them to be together. Marriage needs to be between people who are ready for it and with a person we choose to spend our lives with and not. A compromise to fulfil some wish. After all it is our future and our lives that are on the line here.

But at the same time we need to remember that no matter the best of intentions there may be a time when things may just not work out. So instead of whipping a dead horse, we need to take things off the ventilator that forces it to breathe and move on. So please don’t make it seem like a mortal sin if things don’t work out. Just remember that everything happens for a reason. People are going to talk cause they have no better things to do and their tongues are loose, at the end of the day it’s your child’s happiness that should matter.

Children are God’s gift that’s something we too agree on. But to bring a child into this world and not give it the life it deserves is a big injustice towards them. We need to be ready for children. We know our biological clock is ticking but we can’t have children cause you want to see your grandchildren before you close your eyes. We need to have children when we are ready to. Remember there are children in this world who are looking for family, and if we can’t have one then we can always give them a home and a family.

We choose the career and path we want to tread on. It may not be the one you envisioned for us but it is what we chose to follow and that we are passionate about. We look to you for mentoring and guidance but do respect our decision. We may burn our fingers but It is our lesson to learn. It may take time and till then we may not want to settle down in martial bliss, be the support we need paying no heed to what the neighbouring aunties or your relatives have to say.

No matter what we say or do and how you understand us, know that we mean no disrespect or we don’t care about you. Trust is that we love you and care for what you have to. We value what you have to say. But please don’t keep emotionally trying to corner us to get your way. Remember in the end it is the life we chose to live. So please respect our decisions too and choices.