Of Sanskars and Religion

Someone once said, “Change is the only constant in life.” If you want to survive, you’ve got learn to change with time, or be left behind forever. And then there are some who just refuse to change, who don’t want to change, and don’t want others to change too. 

They believe that change hurts them and is against their beliefs, their religions, their sansakars. This actually makes you wonder which century are these people from? Have they been watching one too many saas-babu serials? What have they been smoking, which would again be against their sanskars, but you never know! But then they have their own motives for doing so.

As humans we are constantly evolving, constantly changing, constantly growing. As part of this evolution, this change, this growth, is the way we see ourselves, the way we perceive ourselves, the way we identify ourselves. Along with it so has our values and culture which have to change, evolve or risk becoming outdated and irrelevant. Even the concepts of family and marriage has changed, from joint families to a nuclear family, from marriage within your caste and religion to inter-caste, inter-faith marriages, to marriage between nationalities. So why shouldn’t the union partners of the same-sex not be accepted and recognised.

But that said we cannot and should not forget our values and culture. We just need it to evolve with time and stay relevant and inclusive. And with we should evolve too.

But then there are those who don’t want this change. Maybe they want to stay relevant? Maybe they don’t want to loose the grip or the control that they have? Maybe they have their own selfish motives to keep their powers? They may say that they are upholding their sansakars, defending their religion, but what they exactly are defending religion from, when there’s no one attacking their religion and religious beliefs and their sanskars. In fact what they are doing, and I do hope they realise that is they are causing more damage to not only their religion but also to humanity. 

They are doing their bit in destroying the very fabric of life. They are comfortable in welding their sanskars and religion to spread hate, and divide and pit one community with another (and here we blamed the Britishers for doing this but more than happy to use it for our own selfish power and political games).

They are more of a danger to their sanskars, their religion, to humanity as whole. Their hate and fear mongering, could be a sole reason why so many are turning away from religion, value and God. It could easily be the reason why we are a nation divided and persecuted, no matter how much we may want to deny this. It is the reason why so many feel ostracised, outcast, unloved , uncared, anxious and depress. It is the reason why so many are scared and destroyed.

No one wakes up in the middle night, or wakes up one day and decides to be gay. No one on a whim decide they are not comfortable in their own skin, they do not relate to the gender they have been assigned at birth. It’s not something unnatural or against nature, as we are led to believe. It’s something that’s always been there. Something that comes to surface slow and steadily. We don’t choose who we feel attracted to or who we fall for, it something that’s always going to be there and comes naturally. It’s been suppressed for fear of acceptance, of ostracism, living in a state of constant denial.

If we believe that GOD is LOVE and the one who lives in Love, lives in God and God lives in them, then how is this form of love any different from other form of love, apart of the fact that you love the person of the same gender. This feeling is that of love and not lust, so why should this love be treated differently, why should this love not be accepted, why should this love not be recognised, why should this love be denied equal rights.

Being gay isn’t one big drug-filled, hedonistic, sexual  orgy. Being gay is more than being flamboyant, being effimate, being sexual. Damn it more than than wanting to hit on anything walking on two legs with the same parts. Trust me you don’t need to be gay for that, as many female can attest for it.

When someone asks for the right for their union to be recognised, the right to be recognised and accepted, they not  trying make mockery of the institution, or trying to disrespect any religion or religious tradition. It is out of want of acceptance and respect for religion and religious custom do they want their union to be recognised, to be accepted for who they are and who they choose to love.In fact they are way more respectful than any heterosexual couple. What they want is not to be forced into marriage of convenience, into something what is acceptable to society which will end up destroying so many lives.

The ones who find their sansakar being hurt are in fact the ones doing the most damage  with their outdated the thinking, their refusal to accept change .

Being gay is not a mental illness. In fact there’s no evidence that members of the community cannot enjoy civil rights like marriage, adoption, etc. On the contrary discrimination may lead to mental health issues (as stated by the Indian Psychiatric Society).

So if we believe in equal right to all, then why do the members of the community not be afforded this equal right that we speak about in the constitution. Why do we discriminate and persecute and suppress to those who do no conform to society’s rules on love and gender?

The question we beg to ask is when would we be able live as equals, in harmony and peace irrespective of religion, gender, age, orientation? 

Though at the moment it maybe a distant dream, it’s a dream nonetheless, one that can be achieved if we keep persevering and not be defeated or brought down, cause in the end…

हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन
हो हो मन में है विश्वास, पूरा है विश्वास
हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन

Denied... but not Defeat.... हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन

Last Thursday, the Central Government of India, in an affidavit filed in response to petition seeking to recognise same-sex marriages, stated that “Living together as partners and having sexual relationship by same-sex individuals is not comparable with the Indian family unit concept of a husband, a wife and children which necessarily presuppose a biological man as a ‘husband’, a biological woman as a ‘wife’ and the children born out of the union between the two,” [source: The Hindu].

This response, though  disheartening, comes as no surprise. And I wouldn’t be wrong if o said that this is an expected response, not just from the present government. There would be a similar response from any other government of the country. 

We live in a country that’s mostly conservative, that still holds on to its traditional values. Religion has always been a big factor of the country’s political landscape, and has been used as a pawn by all parties to further their agenda. And in such a conservative climate, no party would want to disturb the concept of marriage and family. Let’s face it, there’s hardly any representation from the LGBTQ community in governance, and the community doesn’t form a big part of any political party’s agenda, thus forever relegated to fringe of society. Hence their response comes as no surprise. In fact, this was a response that would have been expected.

This is a setback, but not a step back. The message maybe disappointing but there’s no hope lost in it. Though there may be a vast majority of those who are enraged and disheartened with this response, but this is not end. After all “कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती” [source: Harivansh Rai Bachan]. This setback can only be a step back if we refuse to learn from it.

If we look beyond gender, marriage is a coming together of two souls, a union between two consenting adults, who wish to enter, to commit to each other, till death do them apart. So if two consenting adults want to enter to a commitment, why should the gender of the two party matter? Why let age old archaic views dictate how we perceive the concept of marriage and family. A child from the union can always be through surrogacy and adoption, and not necessarily through consummation of the marriage. 

You may argue that gay men can’t stay committed to one partner. Many seek out multiple partners. This though true, but is not true just for gay men. This holds true for all the male species. Man by nature would always seek out multiple partners in order to spread its species. So how many straight men, in a committed relationship, have strayed from their commitment? Have managed to keep it all in their pants?

Marriage is a sacred commitment between two consenting adults. But this sanctity is lost when the two people being bound don’t really consent to the marriage. Rather they are coerced, even forced, into a bond they do not consent to, because of family and societal pressure. And  to add to it, the government also wants to be part of dictating who one should marry. So in the end the marriage is not out of consent but due to pressure leading to broken people, loveless relationships. broken homes , broken marriages, broken families, infidelity, and even divorces.

A LGBTQ youth seeks acceptance, normalcy, a way out of the confusion that engulfs them. They want someone to hear them out, accept them for who they are, and not  treat them as a freak of nature, an abnormality, someone shunned and made fun of, ostracised to the fringe of society. 

Legalising same-sex marriage is a symbol of acceptance, a step towards normalcy, a step toward being treated like everyone, an opportunity for one to choose who they love and who they want to be with. If they want to bind themselves for the rest of their lives, who are we to oppose to what love has brought together no man can put asunder.

In an ever changing world, where the concept of love, relationship and marriage have changed and adapted with time, holding on to age old notions and traditions will only have us steps behind time.

Disdain and anger is not the right way to react to this response. All is not lost. The only way thing will change if we continue to strive to educate people, to change their mindset and clear the misconception that block their mind. This ain’t going to be easy, and May event take a lot of time and energy. There maybe times when these effort may not bear fruits that they should, not give the results that’s expected, but continuous perseverance will certainly bring about a change, a change in mindset, a broader perception of tradition, and most importantly an acceptance. So we can’t give up, we can never give up. It is only through educating people, making our voices heard, taking active part in governance, will we be able to effect the change we want to see in the world. 

So through all the setbacks one can learn and come back. So denial of a right to marriage maybe a setback but it isn’t defeat. We can never give up till the fat lady sings, it’s never over until we say it’s over. 

हम qहोंगे कामयाब, हम होंगे कामयाब 

हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन 

हो हो मन में है विश्वास 

पूरा है विश्वास 

हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन