Running Therapy

I never thought I would need a race, let alone a 10k. It’s not that I am trying to sound like a long distance running snob, which I am not, but somehow never did quite run a lot of 10k races.

Still here I was signing up for a 10k, breaking my cardinal rule of only three races a year (yep I have my NEB Mumbai Half Marathon coming up, and I’ve already done three), I found myself registering for a 10k because I needed to race, I needed to see the progress I’ve made, I needed a confidence booster, a shot in the arm, get my head back in the so called game, to have something to look forward to, to be excited for.

2022 has not been quite kind to me so far. Through the loneliness and the heartaches , the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the stress and the anxiety, I knew I needed this. I needed to get out of the rut I found myself in. So I registered.

People go to parties to meet friends and socialise till late mornings, I on the other hand prefer to wake at the ungodly hour, dress in my running gear (which need to match or I’ll look like a clown) and go out for run.

Races is where I meet my fellow runners and my run buddies. It’s where I go to socialise. My kind of socialising. You may call me a Runnaholic, and I maybe one. But it’s just that thing I do!

So it doesn’t matter that the route has more twists and turns than any Bollywood film, or the weather is awesomely humid (my drenched shorts made be feel like I’d peed in them), or that I am no where near my best (not even close, this is what you get when you get your PB (personal best for the uninitiated) early on), I just needed to go out and run.

So through the twist and turns, the cheers and the hugs, the sweat, the smiles and the high fives, I run with music blaring in my ears, some good old fashioned rock music, that keeps me pumped. And though I constantly remind myself that I need to take it easy and not push the envelope (not sure if I could even do that), I can’t help myself wanting to speed up a wee bit, especially when you have your fellow running buddy right there with you.

It may have not been my best (though post pandemic, I am not too sure what’s my best), I may not have ran to a plan. But what  I did manage is run a strong and steady run, completing within my target, minus any aches and pains and soreness, I completed my run in my lowly target time. Thus getting the much needed shot in the arm, that boost of confidence, that therapy session on the road.

And the cherry on the cake was to see your running buddies win podium (so damn stoked that my Neeru Ma’am and Akanksha got their podiums) and then you get to enjoy being part of the post run shenanigans with you fellow crazies!

So where to from here? Maybe another race (the NEB Mumbai Marathon is coming up)? Maybe back to drawing board to train and get better? Maybe to dance classes and do some Salsa? Whatever May come next I know I got that much needed confidence booster, and all I know that life’s gonna get good from here, no matter the situation or curve  ball thrown at you.

So here’s to running, and racing, and therapy on your your feet. Always remember no matter at what stage you are at life, your best is yet to come!! 

To the Sea

To the sea I go

When I feel lonely and alone

When I am sad and a little blue

When I am trying to figure out

What I need to do

I take my trusty Rodster out

And pedal with all my might

Till I reach it the sea 

Whether it’s rough or it’s eerily calm

I find a calmness in the rhythm of the waves

As it is rises and falls

And breaks along the shore

Or crashes against the rocks

It’s in these moments I find my peace

The peace that I seek

And I let it all out

Let the feelings that I hold within

And the tears flow

It’s only when I had a good cry

Can I feel myself at ease

Feeling one with the sea

To the sea I go 

When I feel lonely and all alone

When I sad and blue

To the sea I will go

To find a way to soothe a lonely soul!

Your Constant

Everything changes

People come and go

But your body, mind, heart and soul

Are the only things constant

Through the heartaches

Through the heartbreaks

Through the anxious tears 

Through the sleepless night

Through the joys and sorrow

Treat then right

Be kind to them 

They are the only you’ll have 

So treat then with care

Test them with love and respect

Cause they truly deserve it

When others may look away

They will be at your side

Like faithful friends 

Who never leave your side

Loves and infatuations may come and go

But they will never leave you

Even though you may give it to others

Who play you for a fool

Who leave you broken and shattered

They will help to heal you

And make you whole

So remember this 

Your are beautiful 

Your are handsome

You are kind and loving ans caring

And deserving of love

And let no one tell you otherwise!

It Takes a Village

It takes a village to bring up a child, not just a sperm and egg contributor. And though one may say that one will do it on their own, it takes a village of people directly or indirectly involved in the upbringing of the child, people who become your very own village.

Right from the boss who signs your paycheques, or pays your dues, becoming the enabler of the necessities of life, to the milkman, the farmer, those who put together the things needed to nourish you.

And when you got to get back to earning a living, winning the bread you need to break, you have the daycare, the aiyaha, the babysitter, the people who  take the little tyke off your hand so that you can go out there make a living, when you don’t have a close relative to come to your aide.

You have the teachers, the tuition teachers, the professors, the faculties, who help you shape the lil one, of course with your contribution.

You have the people the lil one will come across, the experiences that will affect which way the lil one will grow.

And not to forget the doctors and the nurses, who help to make sure the lil one grows to be strong and healthy.

All these people, and many more, become your own lil village that help you bring up your lil one, whether you acknowledge them or not. And when your lil one grows, they will have their own lil village to bring their own lil one.

His Blind Parents

His parents were blind. Well, they weren’t blind in the literal sense. They chose not to see the torment, the pain, the suffering he was in, often refusing to believe him. Often turning a blind eye.

He was a sensitive child, different from the other children, someone who would stick out from a crowd. He was not into sports, like boys of his age, in fact he detested it. He loved arts and craft and loved to dance and act, much to the charging of his parents. He was not very studious and had learning difficulties. But most of all he showed no interest in girls.

He was not bold or strong, but at the same time he was not too weak. He walked with a sway in his steps instead of a swagger like most boys of his age.

He was an outcaste who was constantly picked on, made fun of, verbally and physically abused. He was constantly subjected to bullying. When he tried to complain to his teachers they just dismissed his claims, stating he had an agenda against the boys. Even  his parents refused to support him. They believed he was just trying to make an excuse and being over dramatic.

If that wasn’t enough, he had suffered years of sexual abuse at the hands of the one who was supposed to care for him. When he told his parents about the abuse, they once again refused to believe him. They said he was making up stories and telling lies and sullying the good name of a person of great repute and standing in society. They turned a blind eye to the constant rape  he suffered.

In all this pain he found peace and solace in arts and crafts and his dancing, but this too irked his father, who constantly taunted his wife saying “what type of son have you given me, he’s more a hijada than a boy! He’s definitely not my son!”

His father’s words were like a dagger to his heart.

Then one day his parents decided to put in a boarding school. They hoped that being in a boarding would make a man out of him.

Unfortunately, his torment didn’t end. In fact, it got even more worse. The environment may have changed, the tormentors may have changed but the pain and suffering remained the same.

He still was constantly picked on and bullied by the boys, called homophobic slurs, suffering verbal and physical abuse. If that wasn’t enough, he was constantly berated by his teachers for his lack of ability of keeping with his studies.

Then one day some boys caught him staring at another boy in the locker room. They cornered him in the washroom and confronted him and used homophobic slurs. 

They pinned him against the wall. They each took turns at sodomising him. When they were done with him, they left laying there on the washroom floor all bruised and bleeding. They threatened that if he ever spoke a word of what happened they would make his life a living hell. 

This was the last straw. He knew, like always his parents wouldn’t believe him and do nothing, and so would the school  authorities. 

He decided to put an end to it all.

Even in his death his parent turned a blind eye to the trauma he suffered. They believed that their child took his life because of his inability to cope with his studies, the pressure of studies. They didn’t ask for an investigation even though there were bruises on his bodies, especially his privates. They believed a version that the school provided  who were more than happy to cover up the incident that threatened the good name of the institution.

A week after his death, his parent received a courier. They were shocked when they realised that the courier was from their son. It was his journal where he documented every single abuse, every single trauma, every single rape, in detail.

As they read it carefully  the scales that blinded them finally fell off , and they finally saw the torment he suffered, how he suffered for his sanity. They were shaken to the core.

There was so much they wanted to do but they couldn’t do because they had  refused to believe him. It was now too late to do anything. They had lost, what should have been their precious boy, because of their own blindness.

Life’s Witness

He made his way to the bar. He desperately needed a drink, on today of all days. When did marriage get so difficult? Was it always so difficult? Did you really need to make so many comprises and sacrifices?

It was their anniversary and he had a whole evening planned for her. But then her work and the kids came in the way and threw water over all his plans, effectively sending it down the drain!

Lately it had either was her work and career, or the kids, or household chores. She didn’t have time for him. He couldn’t remember when did they last spend some quiet intimate moments with each other. He seemed have fallen to the bottom of her priorities list.

He ordered his drink, slowly sipping it, letting his worries stew within his head.

He didn’t realise when he came and sat next to him. He seemed all nervous but excited, constantly looking at his watch as if he was waiting for someone.

He tried to ignore him, the last thing he wanted for today is getting into a conversation with a stranger.

Just when he thought he was he was going to get away with avoiding any sort of conversation, when he asked him “Do I look ok?”

He tried hard to avoid answering that question, when he asked another one “Do I look too nervous? Do I look too anxious?”

“You look just fine!” He told him hoping to put an end to the conversation at this point. But to his dismay, he continued with the conversation, “I am planning to propose to my boyfriend today, and I am really nervous about it, about doing it right!”

Knowing there was no escaping this conversation, he finally decided to indulge him, “Pray tell me, why would you want to do such a thing?” he asked him.

“Why not!” came the reply.

“We for starters,” he responded, “same-sex marriages are not recognised by law!”

“Well, it may not be recognised today, but soon it would be recognised,” he replied. 

“Fair enough!” he said, “but what happens to all your parties, orgies and hook ups? Aren’t gay men pretty promiscuous?”

“Oh come on!” he exclaimed, “being gay doesn’t mean parties and orgies and parades! That’s your generalisation and your opinion! And the thing about being promiscuous, all men are promiscuous, whether gay or straight!”

He could sense a tension in his voice as he replied.

“Being gay doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have what a straight man would have!” he finally said, after he calmed himself down, “Even I would like to have someone to come home to, someone to call my own, my own little family, my own little world.”

“We all need a witness to our lives,” he continued as he slowly tried to calm his down. “There are billions of people on this planet, what does any one life really mean?”

“But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything!” He said, slowly loosing his nervousness as he put forth his pout. “The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day.”

“You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed, I will be your witness,””he smiled while saying this.

“You can quote me on this” he finally said, breaking the silence.

He stared at the man sitting next to him, taking in what he just heard, marvelling every word.

Just then he noticed his partner enter. He waved to him.

He turned around and said, “Wish me luck!”

“You don’t need luck, my friend,” he said as he hugged him, taking him by surprise, “You already know what you want. He’s lucky to have you!”

He sat at the bar keenly observing them, but not too keenly that would seem awkward, almost stalkerish.

He smiled when he saw him  get down on one knee and propose to the love of his life, ans joined everyone at the bar in applauding them when his partner said yes and kissed him tight.

Seeing them made him realise what he had to do.

He paid for his tab and made his way, not before stopping to pick up a beautiful single red rose.

When he got home, he found her labouring in the kitchen, taking out the dishes from the dishwasher.

He made his way silently towards her and put his hand around her waist and kissed her on the neck.

He gave her the red rose.

“I am sorry,” she said apologetically, “I know I’ve ruined your plans for the anniversary.”

“That’s ok!” he said, “now don’t say a word! Just dance with me,” he said as he took her in his arm.

“But I don’t know how!” She protested.

“I’ll show you,” he said, taking her hand in his. “To dance you require a partner and you  have been my partner for all these years. I’ll show you how. I’ll lead you!”

“That’s ok,” she said with a teasing smile, as he pulled her closer to him. “To dance we need some music, and I can’t hear any.”

“Well, we don’t need any,” he said as he held her close to him, kissing her forehead. “We just have to close our eyes and listen to the beating of our hearts. That’s the only music we need!”

They slowly began to sway in unison, ending in a passionate. And somewhere, peeping from behind the door, their lil ones became witnesses of their love!

.. and Rodman is my Name-O

Hi… the name’s RODMAN 

Yes that’s my name

It’s not a nickname 

Nor is it a pseudo name

Or even a handle or a moniker 

And I am definitely no superhero 

In fact just an ordinary man 

Damn it isn’t my porn name

Though I think it would make a good one

No, no, not me

 I don’t think I have what it takes

To actually be one or even be in one

But yes that’s my name 

That’s really is my name

It’s the name on my Baptism certificate 

And yes on my municipal birth certificate 

Though it’s horribly misspelt

Like everyone else

But that’s what my name is

That’s what my parents intended to be

And I don’t think it was mistake 

Or one of those crazy celebrities name

Cause I quiet like what they named me

And if you were to ask me

What exactly does it mean

I would stare back blankly

Cause I honestly don’t know too

But then with the poker face I can muster

I would say it means that all men have rods

And that would be my honest deduction 

Of what it could mean

But if you do want to know

Then you can always Google it

Like the whole world do 

And if you do find it

Could you enlighten me too

But till then… and as always 

Rodman is my name-o