I’ll be home for Christmas...

As he stood there, in front of the mirror, adjusting his shirt, staring at the man who stood in front of him, he felt this chill run down his spine, a feeling of nervousness, a feeling of dread. It was the Holidays, and Christmas meant spending time with the family, and exchanging presents, attending mass, and Christmas lunch with the entire family. He had done this all his life, he looked forward to these traditions, but this year he was hesitant and very nervous about this tradition.

In the past year he had come out to his family. He was scared to tell them his truth but then he had to, he couldn’t be something he was not, he had to be open to them, they were his family, he needed to be true to them. When he finally did, he prepared for the worst, for the drama, for the hysteria, somehow that didn’t quite happen. His siblings, who constantly ribbed and bullied him, picking on him at every chance they could get, accepted him unconditionally, were happy that he finally found his voice to tell them something they had guessed, they had known all this while. They wanted him to realise that and say that.

His parents were a different thing all together. His mother didn’t know how to react to his revelation, she was worried what she would tell her church group, their relatives and friends. But in the end she was a mother, and though this was not what she expected, not what she envisioned for her son, she accepted him. His father, a strict disciplinarian, always expecting his children to behave in a way they should, on their best behaviour, never shying from reprimanding when they dropped the ball. When he came out to him, he didn’t react, didn’t show any anger or resentment, let alone acceptance. He was most scared to face him.

This would be the first time he would be facing them since he revealed his secret to them, since he came out to them, and he was nervous to face them, especially his father. For the first time in his life he didn’t t want to be part of this tradition. To make things a little complex, he was getting his boyfriend along, the love of his life. Now he was all the more nervous about his predicament.

As he struggled to tie his tie, he came from behind, and helped him fix it and straightened his shirt. Kissing him, he told him how handsome he looked. He could sense his nervousness, he could feel it, he could see it. He asked to him to take a deep breath and relax, he had his back, and if things went south they could always leave. He hugged him tight and once again kissed him. They put on their coats and  picked the gifts and left.

Across town she sat there wrapping her presen, neatly tying the bow. Once done, she returned back to applying her eyeshadow. She paused and glanced at her reflection in the mirror. So much had changed over the past year, she had changed so much. She finally found herself, she finally found her place in this world. She  couldn’t be something that she was not. What she was not was male. 

She was born male but always associated as female, something she fought all her life. She was bullied, physically and mentally abused, made fun of, called names, ostracised for who she chose to be. In the beginning she did try to live according to the norms of society, who her family wanted her to be. But she couldn’t keep up with the farce. She was a woman trapped in a man’s body, and if she didn’t  do anything about it, to set the woman free, it would consume her, it would be the end of her.

She finally found the courage to do something about it. She couldn’t go about living a lie. So she finally decided to transition to who she truly identified as. But then there was a price to be paid. In doing so she lost her family, who were angry with her decision, believing that she had brought shame one her family, she would bring the wrath of the almighty on them for the so called sin she had committed. 

As she continued to stare at her reflection in the mirror, reflecting on the year gone by, a tear drop appeared in the corner eye. She dabbed it off carefully not wanting to ruin it all. It was Christmas and she missed her family a lot, after all Christmas was the time with family and loved one, and somehow she found herself alone. She would do anything to just to be with her family on Christmas, except not changing whom she had become. Fixing her make up, she straightened her dress and collected the gift she was wrapping. She got into her car and set off. 

As they drove to their respective destinations, they couldn’t help but have this nervous fear deep within them. Scared at what lay ahead of them, at that moment, in life to come. To ease the tension, they turned on the radio, and a familiar carol played on the station they had tuned in on. They couldn’t help but sing along with it...

“I'll be home for Christmas

You can plan on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents under the tree”

He came to stop in front of a familiar gate, the one that he had opened a million times, the one he ran through. He felt a moment of hesitation, a moment of doubt, not wanting to get out of the confines of the safety of his car, where he felt safe. He didn’t  want to step into the unknown. But his love reassured him, took him by the hand and led him to the front door. He took a deep breath as he rang the bell, expecting the worst. As luck would have it his father opened the door. For a moment they just stood there, trying to gauge the other’s reaction. And then his father smiled, something he had longed to see but didn’t believe he would ever see it. 

His father grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him into a warm embrace, kissing him on his cheek. His mother couldn’t contain her emotions and was already in tears, as he found himself sobbing like a baby, tears of happiness. When they finally let go, he introduced his boyfriend to them. They welcomed him with open arms, as if they had known for ages. And then his siblings did what they had always done, playfully picked on him, teasing him in front of his love. This was the best Christmas, the best present he could ever hope for, cause he was his authentic self with the people who mattered to him, who he cared for, who he loved, during the festive season. He could ask for nothing more from life, This was his perfect Christmas.

Across town she finally reached her destination. This was it, she thought to herself, to be true to herself, to who she was. She was scared, nervous, but it was now or never, no turning back. For the first time in her life she could be her true authentic self, not living behind a farce, a mask, a lie. She had chosen this and now she needed to be prepared to stand her ground, stand by her decision. There had been others who walked down this path before, and now it was her turn to do the same. And if they could do it then so could she.

These thoughts brought her courage, spurred her on. As she knocked on the door, she hummed to herself, “I’ll be home for Christmas...”. And as she hummed the door opened. She was greeted by the Pride Flag, and a family she had chosen to be a part of. She was welcomed warmly and with open arms by the family she chose to be with. Concluding the carol she was humming...

I’ll be home for Christmas...

If only in my dreams!

It’s Beginning to look like Christmas

It’s already December 

And it could mean one thing

Winter should be here

But then it’s nowhere in sight 

And in its stead we have some rain

But no snow, as if it would

In a warm and muggy mumbai 

Hey that ain’t the purpose 

Of these nonsensical 

Whimsical verses

So let’s begin once again

Form the very beginning 

And here we go again

It’s already December 

And no matter the weather

It can only mean one thing

It’s time to bring on the Christmas cheer

To put up the mistletoe and holly

Cause everyone’s so jolly

Hang up that stocking 

Cause Santa Claus is coming to town

It’s time to play those carols

And if there’s no carols on the spin it

We can always sing it

Whether we are B flat or G sharp

We can always go carolling

And ring in that Christmas cheer

Cause we all need a reason to be jolly 

We all need a little Christmas 

It’s time we put up that tree

Trim the tree, decorate it

Add that partridge to the fir tree

If you don’t have a pear one

Put that star on the highest bough

And let an angel be up there with it

Heralding the festive season

Outside, there may not be snow

Or even some sign of cold

But the people, with their spirits high 

Trying hard not to miss a beat

As they shop in their street

Running with the treasures 

They have managed to plundered

Ok not plundered but acquired

Or for that matter gathered

For themselves 

For the ones who they care

As the street light blink 

Bright red and green

Cause soon it will be Christmas Day 

The shops are all festive

All ready for Christmas 

Trying to draw passerby 

With their wears 

And what they have displayed

With the mistletoe and holly

And Christmas tree all merry

All ready for all to see it

Filled with shoppers 

Wanting to buy their wear

But in the mix of all this milieu 

Don forget the reason for the season

The message of love and hope he brings

Put Christ right back in Christmas

Let him be the centre of your rejoicing

So while you put up the Christmas trees

And the mistletoe and holly

You decorate the house 

And buy your present

Don’t forget the Christ child

Born those million years ago

In a small little stable

So we need a little Christmas 

Right this very moment

And it’s beginning just like that

So Christmas please don’t be late!!!

An Idea... for this Christmas

With Diwali done and dusted, well almost done and and dusted, and Christmas just around the corner. Ok so Christmas may be well over a month away, the there’s nothing stopping you from getting all Christmassy. But then that’s not the point (or we are digressing, or my mind is wandering from the point). The point is that this Christmas let’s do things a bit differently.

This Christmas, let’s buy presents from local businesses, from self-employed individuals. Let’s gift beautiful, elegant, handcrafted, handmade, customised articles, rather than buying mass manufactured articles created by corporations. Lets buy articles and decorations made by the local aganwadis and associations, who’s proceeds go to the needy. Let’s do our bit to support local artisans, encourage local talents, let’s buy locally.

Let’s buy homemade goodies, sweets and cakes, from the neighbouring auntie who sells her Christmassy delicacies come Christmas time. Let’s buy cakes, buns, chocolates, cookies and other Christmas delicacies from the local bakers, from a friend who bakes. Come Christmas Day, patronise the little cafe that’s just around the corner.

Gather the children, the youth, your friends, age no bar, religion no bar, and go carol singing. Spread a little Christmas cheer to those need it the most. The sick, the home bound, the alone and the lonely. Share the joy and spirit of the season, cause after all it’s in giving that we receive, in sharing that what we have, gets doubled.

You’ve spent a lot on races (if you’re a Runnaholic), running for one cause or another, never truly understanding for what exactly are you running for, or are these causes truly being benefitted. Now is your time to actually make a difference, bring about a change. If possible, donate platelets or blood (getting over any fear or doubt you have), do your bit and save a life. You may never know who’s life you’re saving but you sure are going to feel good to know you’ve done something good, something selfless, you’ve saved a life without knowing who’s life you’re saving.

This way you ensure that Christmas is not contained just to a few , to just ourselves, but it is shared with all, bringing joy and Christmas cheer to those who need it the most, the way it is meant to be. Let’s make sure the money we spend goes to individual people and not multinational corporations. This way more local people will have a better Christmas. Let’s support real people, people who need Christmas joy. Let’s do something different, something good, not just for ourselves but for all.

The Christmassy Feeling

We made it through the year

From January to December 

But now is the season

When you don’t need a reason

To get that feeling 

The one that’s the most beautiful feeling of all

It’s that time of year 

That brings a good cheer

Everywhere you see

Are smiling faces and happy faces

Everyone a holly, jolly soul

Everywhere you see

Is red, gold and green

Silver bells and jingle bells

And Santa hats and reindeer ears

Bells all jingling, stars all glittering

And ornaments to adorn your tree

The stores look all festive

Filled with eager shoppers

With their bags filled with treasures 

Trying to find what they want

Haggling and bargaining 

But all filled with good cheer

The fairy lights and the street lights

And star lights and the LED ones

All blink bright red and green

And some with a little gold too

Making you feel like 

Walking in a winter wonderland 

There are sellers selling Christmas trees

Of whatever height you may please

Some green, some with snow

And some with stars and lights that glow

You have an inflated snowman

And a Santa playing a saxophone 

All enhancing that Christmassy feeling

I can help but feeling

That I blame it on the season 

For this holly jolly feeling 

But for me it will always be

The most wonderful time of the year

We may not know snow

And the weather ain’t that cold

And will never see snowflakes 

But that won’t stop us from carolling

And hoping for a white Christmas 

And singing let it snow, let it snow

Ans about frosty the snowman 

The children are straining to hear

Sliver bells and jingle bells

And for sleigh bells in the imaginary snow

They’re writing letters to Santa 

Hoping that Santa knows

They have been good through the year

And hoping he doesn’t see

The naughty that they had been

In all these feeling

Let’s not forget the reason for the season 

To spread joy and cheer

And bring happiness and hope

To the ones who need it the most

Never ever forgetting 

the reason for the season

So spreading hope, joy and love

So I am so happy

Cause it’s beginning to look like Christmas 

Everywhere I go

Dear Santa Haters

Dear Santa Hating Bigots,

How could you not like a cute, fat, jolly man, dressed in red and white, with a snow-white beard, (unless he’s creepy and unkempt) who comes bearing presents, and all he wants you to be is nice in return? Who doesn’t like presents... how hard is it to be nice... well in your case I know it can be difficult... what with all that pent up hate that you need to spread?

How can you accuse such a holly-jolly soul of conversion. Remember Santa is as much to Christmas as crackers are to Diwali.... and if you don’t get it, Santa has nothing to do with Christmas as crackers has nothing to do with Diwali. Both are just commercial symbols of the festival and have nothing whatsoever to do with the actual festival.

If you look at, by bringing present Santa is bringing joy and putting a smile on a face. Lighting crackers may bring momentary pleasure to the one that lights it, but then it can be a source of headache and distress to others, not to forget the noise and smoke. In short the pleasure is kind of sadistic. Not to forget that if you’re not careful crackers can be dangerous, even fatal. 

Being a Santa is all about spreading cheer, doing something good. Sadly you can’t, in any shape or form, say the same about crackers. So when you call out the mockery of being a Santa to the ban on crackers you seriously need to get a life, or find your humanity.

When was the last time did anything to spread joy and happiness, like say lighting a Diya for someone who is all alone and lonely. Do that and you would make Diwali more meaningful and beautiful. 

In the same way you don’t just need Christmas to be a Santa, and you don’t have to be a Christian to be one (otherwise my Secret Santa would have to be one).

So dearest Santa Haters, don’t be a Grinch. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, so don’t be grumpy and mad. Hang up your stocking and who knows you may just find something in it. Spread love and not hate, And if anyone is doing something good, don’t bring them down, in fact join them, and just Christmas, Diwali, Eid or any festival.

So I hope this festivals melts your icy cold heart and fills it with warmth and joy.

We need a little Christmas

Well now that another Diwali has come and gone, and the very last firework has sputtered and died, its time to move on to the next celebration.

So next we have Halloween, or time for kids to go on a sugar rush. But then this so West and some political or religious zealot may fin a way of opposing it. How can we encourage our kids to dress up like ghost and ghouls and French maids and fruits, this so not our culture, they may say ( to think about it, I don’t think they even know what their culture is). So they will oppose it vehemently, how could we dare to expose our children to such an unhealthy and sinful celebration.

Then you have the Day of the Dead or Día de Muertos (in Mexican). In India we have All Souls Day, but it’s not a day which we celebrate, it’s a day when you pray for the souls of the faithful departed and visit graves and cemeteries, not a place where you will celebrate. 

So finally you have the one, the only Christmas left, woot woot!!! Well it’s not that I think less of other festivals, but then Christmas is Christmas. At Christmas you don’t see anyone closing their ears in fear, turn deaf from the loud noise, sputter from all the pollution, or runaway from people chasing you with colours, you don’t see animals shake in fear. The only time you may close your ears during Christmas is when someone is B flat and C sharp.

You may think me crazy to get all excited about Christmas, after all it’s just two months to Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (depending on when I get this write up published). But then there’s this nip in the air that’s making me feel a lot like Christmas and make long for it to come soon.

Considering that the world has a trump sized problem and we have gone no more to NaMo, we certainly could do with a little cheering, a little joyful cheer that Christmas brings. So considering that there’s two months to Christmas, it’s time to warm up and flex those vocal chords cause it’s time to do some Carolling. You may or may not believe in him, but it is never to too late to get on Santa’s Nice list and get your wish list ready for him (come on, who doesn’t like presents, even though you know the truth).

So can’t hardly wait for Advent and start playing carols, to buy greeting cards and write and post them (let’s face it, sending greeting cards is way better than text messages). To decide if you would wear a suit, a tux, or bandgala for Christmas. To start to prepare sweets and indulge yourself .

And even though it may be two months away you can’t hardly wait. The spirit has already set in and you have been humming carols, under your breath, as pass street lights and stop lights and shopper with their treasure.

Though you may argue that’s this is all materialistic, and not the true meaning of Christmas, but then we need to remember that this helps to get the spirit in in the first place and keeping us in high spiritr

So we need a little Christmas right this very minute, candles in the window, carols at the spin it, we need a little Christmas now.