What's Ok

People ask me

If I am doing OK

But honestly

I don't know what's OK

What's not OK

And in that way I am not too sure

If I am doing OK

I have had moments of hope

And then it has all come

Crashing down

I thought I saw the light

But then that's just the speeding truck

That's run over the hopes

That I had built

I have tried to stay strong 

And fight back the feelings

And sadness and the loneliness

To let things go on

Into a new phase

But something always draws me back

And I feel all these feelings

Which I have been fighting

The emotions that 

I have been suppressing 

Wash over me

See you with another 

Though there's nothing there

For the other

Tears me to a thousand pieces

And even though I promised myself

I will not break or go weak

Something triggers the pain in me

Though I know you want me

To move on

I can't move to other things

Cause I have known to love you

And even though I did the same

In the past

But right now I can't 

Even though I say I am strong

Right now I have withdrawn into shell

A loneliness I feel inside me

And somehow happiness

Makes me feel even more alone

A pathetic mess I have become

I have tried to distract myself

But somehow I have seem to have failed

So in end if you ask me 

If I am doing ok

And if I said I am ok

Don't believe me