The Fogwala Run

Although you’ve said it a thousand times… ok maybe not a thousand  times, or even anything that close. But you have said it several times… you’ll never put yourself through it all again… and by that I mean running an Ultra. Yet here you are, standing at yet another start line after putting yourself through the wringer for the past two months (that too peak summer months), courtesy Coach Dan’s training plan!

You have never considered yourself an ultra runner (you still never will) but here you are getting to ready run your 4th ultra, the second one of the year. Yet you refuse to term yourself an ultra runner.

So there you are, at the start of yet another start line, doing what you trained for. 

You are way behind everyone cause your hydration belt refuses to stay on your waist and keeps riding down. You have this beautiful South Korean runner for company and a guy desperately trying to get his friend to capture his run for social media.

You try your best not let it get to you and keep pulling it up wondering if all this training made you loose your arse, or did it make an arse out of you. You try not to get flustered or hit the panic button and find a way to cope with the situation.

You desperately keep trying to pull your belt up, and doing so you keep pulling your already short shorts up almost up scandalising those behind you with a very cheeky view.

Somehow you manage to balance the gel and everything feels fine and less annoying. You manage to catch Vijay and Ketak and Natty and Adi, almost mooning poor Adi until Natty tells you that you need pull you pants and make an ass of yourself by exposing your arse.

So there you are running in the dark on a route that’s concealed by the fog. The rains didn’t want to grace us with its presence and sent the fog in its place.

The fog in a way was kind of blessing as it was an hindrance. It concealed so many things, along with the dark. But then what you couldn’t see had no chance of scaring you, so that way the fog was beneficial.

Finally you make it to the first turnaround point at the 5K mark. It’s pitch darkness all around and the fog makes it even more darker and errier. Your visibility is kind of hampered and all you can hear is the gurgling of a stream nearby, or maybe it was just water flowing through a gulley. But somehow this doesn’t bother you. You continue going on your way, trudging along slowly and steadily at a decent pace. You make it a point stopping at the water station, siping water and taking pinch of salt and then a cube of jaggery. 

You pass the start line, where you hear music blaring music with the 35k already flagged off and the runners are on their way.

You pass Cloud 9 and make your way to Tiger Point.

You trudge carefully trying not to place your feet wrongly. One wrong placement could mean the end of your race and could push you back by weeks, if not days.

So you run carefully but steadily, and as you have done during your training run keep warning Vijay and Ketak and Ani of any potential holes or cracks in the road, as they do the same for you.

You begin to see runners passing by on the other side of the road making you marvel at the speed they are running in (cause you assumed that they were 50k runners). But then you realise that these are the 35k runners.

You continue on your way with Vijay and Ketak and Ani for company, keeping you in check and ensuring you that you don’t doze off, as only yours truly can do.

So for most part you are having a good strong run. You know you are running comfortably as you are chit chatting like only you can do, trying to keep the morale up (as if it was needed) and in doing so you were doing the same for you.

By and by you reach the turnaround point for the full marathoner. It’s time to part ways with Ketak and Ani who are running their FM. So, you wish them the best and Vijay and you continue onward and forward towards your turnaround near the Airforce base.

As you near Tiger Point you find the road lined with cars, revellers out on a drive, out to have a good time, families with kids, youth leaning out of their cars, men in drunken stupor. You wonder what these morons could see in the pitch darkness? What thrill do they get from behaving like desperate, horny asses.

You make your way through the cars, trying not to get hit by the ones who decide it would be fun to speed and come close and frighten runners and even tease them. You worry for Natty and Adi cause these were type that were forever horny and hormonal and anything with two legs and a breast would excite them. You wished there were more security on the route, especially for female runners. Even reflectors would make quite a difference here.

You pass these spots, finally reaching the airforce base and your second turnaround point. From there it’s now on to Amby Valley.

As you make your way you spot Natty and  Adi. You are happy to see them running strongly and steadily. You cheer them and tell to be cautious of the route ahead, and you continue on your way.

You are glad that you have Vijay for company cause otherwise it would be lonely and scary and the possibility of you sleeping off on your feet. As you’ve trained together, you are totally in sync with each other keeping each other moving onwards and forward, walking up the slopes and running steadily otherwise. 

You once again pass by Cloud 9 as you make your way towards Amby Valley. You both have been running strongly and steadily, motivating each other, supporting each other with a pee break being the only time you pause, other than the brief moments you spend at the water station.

You kind of agree with Vijay when he says the route should have been lit, especially in the forest areas where the tree cover adds to the already darkened and kind of treacherous route, as it was done for TUM. Although you agree with this you still end up stating that TUM was a big ticket race and this wasn’t so you would give it the benefit of doubt even though you know that the route would be safer if it was lit up especially in these dark patches.

As you near Amby you meet the front pack of the 50k on their way back. You cheer as you spot your friends Urmi and Swapnil, who are blazing away making the route feel like a piece of cake. You spot Rashmi and Latish and Mehz and Payal and Dheval, all who are going strongly. You also have the 42k and 35k runners making their way. 

You chat with another runner friend Kunal, who’s running a 35k. You cheer Ketak and Ani  as they make their way back, even clicking them as they go by. You even give your friends a friendly finger salute as they pass you.

As you enter Amby Valley you quip that if you take another pee break here you would be in a way helping the bio diversity of the place, chuckling at your on silly RJ.

By the time you reach your third  turnaround point daylight has finally made its way through the gloomy, foggy weather. But there’s still no sign of rains, apart from some brief showers. Looks like no one was singing Showers of Blessings.

You spot Natty and Adi running strongly and surely with a spring in their step and joy in their heart that radiates into a smile. You wouldn’t be able to tell that they were running a 50k.

You cheer them loudly and capture their shenanigans. Their joy is infectious and it makes its way to you. But then you have this joy of your own that keeps you calm and chugging on.

As you exit Amby, you spot your fellow RBs Amogh, Amit, Rishi and Amit who are running the 21k. You begin to cross other Half Marathoners, who are making their way to Amby Valley. You are filled with Joy when you spot your dear friends Mitali, the ever smiling and youthful Bimalji, your very own Benjamin Button, Anil sir, Vandy ma’am, Rupal, Srini sir, Manisha, Vimol, Jogesh, Anand, as they pass by you. You cheer loudly your for friends from the BNP Green Runners, MRR, Stride with GB, along with your fellow RBs. In fact, you are cheering everyone on  the route, especially the ones who need it the most.

By now you are running comfortably. The  route doesn’t seem so daunting, and thanks to your familiarity with it. You are running much stronger and better than what you had done at TUM. 

A glance at your watch indicates that you just have a little over 11 km to go and one hour to have spent 6 hours on your feet. May be, just may be, if you push a little more you could go under 6 hours. No matter what you knew you would better the time you took to complete TUM.

Reaching the water station just before you take the road towards Mulshi, once again, you take your gel, sip water and try to pick your pace. You hand your cap and head lamp to Swapnil who has finished his run and is comfortably walking around as if he just went out for a short run and was done.

By now you begin to pass runners who are doing smaller distances. You spot Prerna and give her a cheer as she passes by. And then you see coach Girish and this sight fills you so much joy. You are so happy to see him running strongly and proudly, blazing the road the way only he’s capable of. Seeing him go is such an inspiring sight. You let out a loud cheer as you pass by him.

Now it’s your turn to push through to the final turnaround point and onwards to the finish line. Just when you thought you had everything under control you feel your calves tightening up. Damn, you ran 44 kms without any niggle and now when you are so close to the finish cramps decide to set in. Any chance of finishing within or around the 6 hour mark have now vanished just like the rains that didn’t happen. 

Fortunately they aren’t too bad but they do slow you down requiring you to walk every now and then. You fall behind but try not worry. As if the cramping were not enough your watch runs out of battery (something that you knew would happen).  But there’s no hitting the panic button. You keep chugging along.

The final loop, which was hidden in the dark and fog feels daunting as there a lot more inclines than you thought were there, and this slows you down as you have to walk up them and also because every time you try to speed up your calves begin to tighten and then you have to hobble up the slope.

Somehow the final turnaround feels like a distant memory that only feels farther than you thought it was. But you are determined and nothing gonna keep you down.

Finally you reach the turnaround point and you are just glad to get there. You wonder if this could be the finish line and you didn’t have to go any further!!! 

You meet this cute doggie with a dent in its head. You give it a couple pats before you take off to the finish line, chatting with other runners who are as troubled as you with this last part of the run.

You smirk and flex your muscles as you pass by a few photographers.

As you near the finish line you see Mitali who cheers you on and you are so glad for it. You give one final push that carries you across the finish line.

And just like that you’ve got another 50k in the bag (run and not money, if that confused you). You hobble to the holding area cause your legs are all sore. You are glad to have completed the race but then there’s this nagging, dull disappointment at the back of your head. But then you tell yourself that in ultras timing don’t matter, it’s the distance and the time on your feet (just as coach Dan said).

So with that you have another 50k under your belt and some good memories to cherish and lesson learned and things to implement. You collect your medal, pose for pics and go to the finish line just in time to cheer Rups and Srini Sir as they finish, as well cheering all the other runners. You patiently wait for Adi and Natty to finish who are still making the most of their 50k and having fun on the run.

You can’t hurry LOVE!!!

You can’t hurry LOVE, you just have to wait, LOVE don’t come easy!

It’s going to make you wait and wait till you can’t take the wait no more. And just when you want to give up on it, it will slowly creep up on you, like a burglar in the night (if this still happens in a very digital world), and steal your heart without you knowing.

It will make you work and work and work with no outcome! It will show you an oasis only for it to turn out to be a mirage! 

It will make you kiss a thousand of frogs (not that I am calling the ones who I’ve dated frogs, just using the analogy, and now I am greatly digressing form the topic) till you find the one! 

On the plus side you get to meet and kiss (and much more) a few, if not many, till you eventually get there, if you are open to meeting them all.

You can’t hurry love, it’s going to take its own sweet time to get to you (if you’re lucky enough for it to find its way to you).

And although you may wear your heart on your sleeves, you can’t make a heart to love, to see you as a potential mate. And let’s face it, if you have to make someone see you that way then that may not be worth it, cause you can’t really make someone love you, you can’t force someone to have those feelings for you, just as you can’t do the same for you. You can’t hope for someone to fall in love with you, to see you for who you are and what you could be, if they are not ready for you, if they don’t want to.

And if they say that they are not in the same place as you are, they need time, know that you are better off not waiting and hoping and pining. You are doing a disservice to yourself (and the same applies when you are the one saying this).

If it has to happen it will happen. Never keep your hopes up, or hold your breath, cause it could only lead to headaches and heartbreaks (lucky are the few who’s waiting are rewarded). 

There’s going to be false starts and dead-ends and paths that lead to nowhere, going around in circle, all adding to the anxiety and tension that racks us.

But then we are fools, even after knowing it all we will still be shameless and loose our mind and sleep and increase our anxiety and hope, when we need to patient (and not become a patient of our of our own doing). Love’s going to take its own sweet time.

We are going to react when Cupid strikes with his arrows behaving like a fool, when we should be rational.

So in short, you can’t hurry love. You’ve just have to wait. Love doesn’t come easy!!!!

What’s done is done

What’s done is done 

What’s gone is gone

There’s nothing you can do 

To get it undone that’s what has been done

No matter how badly you wish 

You could go back and undo 

That what has been done

That what has gone 

What’s done is done

And it can’t be undone

It’s time to put the rest 

The ghosts that haunts your head

Exorcise the demons and their torments

That refuse to leave us till we are dead

The past is done and gone

So don’t let it haunt and torment and torture

What’s done is done 

And nothing you can do will get it undone

It’s time to let go and find a release 

From the clutches of regrets

It’s time to move on 

No matter how much you try to hold on 

Not wanting to let go

But that’s what you need to 

And that’s for the best for you

Cause there’s freedom in letting go 

What was not meant to be yours

That was meant to be forever

What’s done is done 

It something that can never be undone 

So let it all go and set yourself free

Put the past behind

A fleeting reflection in the rear view mirror

Not something to hold on to

Not matter how bitter and scarred it has been

It’s in moving on will there be healing 

A chance to find peace and grow stronger 

Once you let go and leave it all behind

What’s done is done 

What’s gone is gone

There nothing that can be done 

So let go and move on and heal 

And find the peace that no one can deny!!!

The week that was…

Oh what a week it has been… from birthdays to restarts and new beginnings to starting of new chapters and making new connections and reconnecting with old ones… the week had all of it!

To begin with, the week had its share of birthdays, beginning with mumma’s 74th one, to the birthdays of your fellow running buddies and coach. This meant a lot of birthday messages and birthday posts, which at times can be tiresome but at the same time pretty fulfilling.

The week also saw a return to working from office, albeit in a hybrid format. After almost 5 plus years of working from home, it felt good to finally work from office, a good change of scenery, a return back to a life that you once lived.

But most importantly, the week also saw you starting a new job after a month of being jobless. 

You’ve got to be really grateful that you found a new job within a month after you lost your last one knowing that many out there who have gone through the same thing as you have and are still searching for a job. You are grateful and thankful but also you not taking for granted what you have and the people who stood by you and through it all. Most importantly you are thankful that you maintained bonds and connections and didn’t burned bridges that helped you get through it all.

So it’s time to put away all the hurt and helplessness and the rejections and the anxiety and the fear of the sword hanging over your head, all the self-doubts and tears. Time to put it all behind you and start a new chapter.

But still there’s a lingering self-doubt, the anxious feeling, a sense of fear of failing, that refuses to go away despite your best effort to rid yourself of these feelings. You have been scarred and it’s these scars that remind you, that scares you.

But in the end you know you need to move on and start afresh and let the experience be a lesson that you have learned, one that you should not repeat again, one that you should never take for granted.

And, as your burgers and fries mentioned, you are here to work and not to make friend, so you don’t have to be so sweet and kind, and maybe this is something I need to incorporate, but knowing me, this is going to be damn difficult.

So you have it, you are starting a new job, but at the same time it means returning back to the workplace to work from office, to working amongst people as against working remotely on your own.

So once again you are figuring out the fastest way of getting to office, which meant taking multiple mode of transportation, and thanks to connectivity you can actual do it.

So it’s running to catch a train and standing in long lines only to stand in buses, trying to get to office without looking like you bathed on the way. And then you figure out other and quicker ways of getting to office, like changing metros. But that meant you reached office in one mass of sweat, but still you reached pretty quickly.

So there you have it, a pretty interesting week, a week of celebrations and firsts and restart, the week that was!!!!

Don’t stop believing…

Don’t stop believing, Journey sang

And how true are these words

Cause we are the believers, the truth seekers

The never giving uppers

Holding onto a feeling, a belief

Even if it’s just a glimmer of hope

We continue to hope and believe 

Hope that the tide will turn 

And things will  go our way

A belief that things will get better, eventually 

Cause we can’t loose hope

We can’t loose faith

Cause if we do, it will be the end of us

So we continue hope and have faith

And continue to believe 

That no matter how things may seem

No matter how things may be

Even if we are tossed on life’s tempest

Hope will always get us through

Hope will always get us there 

No matter how bad life may seem

No matter how dire our situation may be

We will find a way to survive

To rise up and shine

Like a phoenix, from the ashes of despair

We will soar high 

Cause we have hope in our soul 

And faith, the wind beneath our wings 

And a belief that we’ll make it through

So as long as be keep believing 

Holding onto a feeling of hope, of faith 

We will survive and thrive 

So as Journey sang 

Don’t stop believing 

Hold on to the feeling!!!

An evening at the concert…

Truth be told, I’ve never been a die hard fan of Coldplay. Although you have heard their songs , and many of their songs live rent-free inside your head, you still don’t count yourself as a die hard fan. But then your burgers and fries is, so you tag along for your burgers and fries, at the same time you could also do with a distraction, with all that was happening in your life. 

By the end of the night, you were glad that you did. It was something magical. Something that you didn’t know that you needed till you experienced it.

You didn’t just see them perform, you didn’t just hear the songs that they sang, you felt the music as it moved through you, reverberating through your body. You felt the music in the air that moved you and all who were there. An experience for all the entire sensory system.

The music turned its magic on, and suddenly you could feel your heart beat beneath your skin, making you feel alive again! 

The music turned on a switch and the stadium was bathed in the beautiful glow of the countless bands that lit up on cue as the music played. It felt like the stars had descended on to the stadium and were shinning just for you and they were yellow, red and blue and every colour. Was this what paradise looked like, or was just dream of paradise. It was indeed an adventure of a lifetime, an experience of a lifetime.

The music traveled from the stage to your heart at the speed of sound leaving you with this feeling like you were drunk and high. It had this power that made you feel like you were their universe and all they wanted to do was put you first.

It didn’t matter who you were, if you weren’t any kind of superhero. All it asked of you is where you wanted to go and how much you were willing to risk, and it took you just there, something just like this, what you wanted.

You joined the countless others in that stadium, singing, dancing and cheering and clapping, like you were part of some Roman Cavalry Choir singing as Jerusalem bells could be heard ringing.

Even songs that you weren’t familiar with had you humming and singing and dancing along.

It felt so special, it felt so magical, an experience that you were glad to experience knowing that you almost had thoughts of giving it a miss because of your troubles and strife (and not wife, cause yours truly is unmarried and single). You were glad you got to share this experience with your burgers and fries knowing how much it meant to them, but then you never knew that you needed this too.

You just prayed that this moment would never end. But like everything that’s beautiful and good, this too had to come to an official end.

But not before you it had you squealing with delight when Chris Martin playfully and jokingly said he was from the Sanjay Gandhi National Park, causing you and your burgers and fries to cheer loudly.

In the end, when the band finally sang Fix You it had the entire stadium singing in unison. In that moment you knew that the music, like a soothing balm, like a beautiful, magical ointment, fixed you, fixed the pain and lowness and loneliness you felt, that you were going through. As the band sang you could see the lights guiding you home, slowly trying to fix you.

In the end you were glad that you listened to your burgers and fries and put all that you were going through behind you and attended something so magical, a kind of once in a lifetime experience, something you hadn’t experienced before and something you may not experience again. Ok that may not be entirely true, but not in the same way.

So in the end you sure did have a one of a kind, experience of a lifetime!!!

That’s me in the corner…

That’s me in the corner 

That’s me trying to avoid the spotlight 

Cause when I find myself in it 

It’s for all the wrong reasons 

Making me wish I was somewhere else instead!

That’s me in the corner

The one that’s often overlooked 

that’s often ignored and forgotten

Always on their own

Nothing quiet special

In fact quiet ordinary to look at

A bit of a bore!

That’s me in the corner 

Always on my own 

Wanting something or someone to call my own

But often left sad and forelone

Wanting to love but scared of getting hurt

Wanting to love but often friend-zoned!

That’s me in the corner 

Wide and eyed and smiling 

Trying to appear cheerful and positive

But internally wracked with 

Nervous anxiety 

An eternal pessimist

Coupled with low self-confidence 

And high self-doubt

That refuses to leave me alone

Often insisting keeping me from being on my own!

That’s me in the corner 

Someone who’s frightened of happiness 

Cause something bad might happen next

Someone who’s worried about 13s and

17s

As they come with their share of trouble

And anything falling in these days 

Will never go your way

Call it superstition or overthinking 

It’s just the way you are!

That’s me in the corner

Someone hoping to be in the spotlight 

Cause no matter what 

You have faith

And prayer on lips 

And hope in your soul

No matter how things may turn out

All will be good in the end

And you’ll no longer be

The one in the corner!!!