Home

She lay there, staring at the ceiling, while he lay there beside her. The events of the past couple of days had drained them both, but somehow she was unable to sleep while he was snoring. 

Somehow she couldn’t get herself to fall asleep. Some people often find it difficult to fall asleep in a new place. But this wasn’t a new place for her. She spent many many hours with him in this room, but somehow this seemed new to her. They had gone from  boyfriend-girlfriend to Fiancé to husband and wife.

She raised her palms and stared it. The past few days felt like a fairy tale, and she was princess, in the centre of it all. It was perfect, just the was she had envisioned her day would be, but like all princess she had to leave her castle and make home in a faraway kingdom. However, in her case the she didn’t have to go to a land far far away. Could she make this new place her home? 

Her home was her room, the four she felt safe within, that she always looked forward to return to no matter where she was. Alas it was no more hers. Her siblings were already casting lots on who got her room. She had gone from the luxury of her own room to co-inhabiting with someone else, that someone else being her husband (she couldn’t calling him the better half as the wife always the better half).

For her, home was family, your parents, but now his parents were her parents. She had gone from calling them uncle ji and auntie ji to papa ji and mummy ji. But somehow it didn’t feel the same.

What was home, she wondered?

Just then he woke up and realised she was wide  awake. 

“All ok, love?” He groggily asked her.

When he didn’t get an answer, he pulled her close to him, kissing her on her forehead, he cuddled her.

She snuggled next to him and put her head against his chest, she could hear his heart beat as he he held her tight and kissed her.

And in that moment, she realised what was home.

Home wasn’t families and four walls. Home was him, where she felt loved, safe and warm. Home was him.

Knowing this she finally fell asleep in his arms, a place she knew was her own.

Oh! How I could Freeze this Moment in Time Forever

For as long as he knew, he always remembered her saying “Oh how I wished I could freeze this moment forever “ 

He could never quite understand her fascination with this phrase. Growing up, he was oblivious of its meaning. Throughout his terrible teens and his rebellious youth he tried to ignore it but her need to use it at every occasion annoyed it and he made it pretty evident.

She used it so often that it it lost it charm for him. There was a brief period, when he came out to his family and his father finally came around and accepted him by embracing he, she exclaimed how she wished she could freeze that moment in time, he found it very endearing.

But then her habit of using the phrase so often that once again the phrase lost its charm on him.

She used it when he graduated, when same-sex partners were recognised, when his partner popped the question, and when they walked him down the aisle and he said “I do”, she didn’t leave a single moment to exclaim, “Oh how I wished I could freeze this moment in time forever”.

Then one day, while he was taking care of her, he asked her why she used that phrase so often. 

She looked at her son and smiled. She took his hands in her frail hands and said,  “these moments that I wanted to freeze, these are bright spots in my dark days.”

She began to cough. After she sipped the water he gave her, she wiped her lips and continued, “These frozen moments have gotten through tough times. Times when I have felt low, these moments lifted me. When I was sad they brought a smile on my face. When I felt hopeless, it gave me hope, a reason to live. You may not understand it now, but there will come a time when your heart will be so full of love that you would want to freeze that moment forever.”

He couldn’t help himself but tear up a bit. He bent over and kissed her on her forehead. They both smiled as she wiped away his tears. 

In a few weeks she was gone, gone to a better and happier place, with all the moments she had frozen. He would always have the moment they shared with each other. It became their frozen moment.

A few years later, he and his husband were finally allowed to adopt a beautiful baby girl. 

When he held his daughter in his arms for the first time, she grabbed on to his finger. In that moment, his heart was filled with love. He smiled and said, “Oh how I wish I could freeze this moment in time forever!”

The Boy by the Sea

He pedaled fast, he pedaled hard, till all he could see was the sea. He rode on the shore till he came to a spot where it was only him, far from the maddening weekend crowd.

He placed his cycle against some rocks, cause his stand seemed to sink in the wet sand, and made his way towards the sea. He stood there staring at the vast body of water that lay in front of him.

He marveled at the majesticness of the sea, how endless it was. He couldn’t tell where sea ended and where the sky began. Somehow it seemed like they merged into each other, the sea and sky becoming one. Was that even possible, he wondered. The waters of the sea reflecting the sky above. The greyness of the skies above lent to the greyness of the waters in the sea below. Did the sea even have a colour of its own, after all wasn’t water supposed to be colourless? But still he had seen the sea in different hues, at different points in the day, at different places he had been.

Somehow the sea reflected the state of his mind. Dull, grey, restless. And there was so much similarity between them. Both were vast, endless, the holders of many secret and sunken treasures, if you were just willing to tap into the wealth of potential that lay hidden below the surface.

He closed his eyes and let the sound of the waves that rose and broke on the shore, that crashed upon the rocks ,wash upon him. There was something so soothing about the sound of the waves. He could sit there and listen to it the whole day. If he had a whole day to spare.

Though he grew up in the mountains, if you could call three years in the boarding growing up, he always felt one with the sea. There was something majestic about the sea, it seemed so calm, but in its fury it could swallow anything whole, just ask the Egyptian, nothing could stand in its  way, an ecosystem unto itself, there were no telling how many worlds were out there, if there were worlds under the sea.

And as he stood there the sun slowly began set, giving the sea a magnificent red-orange glow, as if the sea itself was on fire from swallowing the sun.

And when the last rays of the sun passed through and world was enveloped in darkness, the sea turned a shade of inky blue, He knew it was time to return back to the life he knew, but not before he said goodbye to sea, not forever, just for the moment, because he knew he would always be the boy by the sea.

The Enchanted Forest

She was a strange and odd girl, that’s what people said. But she thought she was no different from anyone. To be honest, she didn’t even care. Where was the merit being like everyone else, after all you standout by being different. You are memorable because you didn’t toe the line. So she marched to the beat of her own drum.

What she didn’t know was how did she get here, here being the land beyond the enchanted forest.

All she remembered was she was running to the tornado shelter with her uncle and aunt, when the tornado scooped her up. Next thing she knew, she wasn’t in Kansas anymore! Well she was not from Kansas, but it was just figuratively saying.

So she made it to place where no man had ever gone before! Well no one had ever dared to go through the enchanted forest. They say it it was inhabited by strange and ferocious creatures who were once people who dared to set foot in the forest. Most importantly there lived in the forest a wicked enchantress. Nobody had really seen her. She could transform into anything. It was rumoured that she was castaway by the great Wizard for her defiance of his rules, and was the most ugliest person you could set your eyes on.

It was believed that she had created the forest and all its creatures, and didn’t take kindly on anyone who dared trespass on her land.

So this enchantress chick was very much like her. But for now she needed to get home, and cutting across the forest was the only way out. So if she would had any chance of returning home, it was through this forest.

As she approached the forest, she noticed the first signboard, “Beware!!! Trespassers will be persecuted!”

“Shouldn’t that be prosecuted?” She thought, but she continued to trudge along.

Soon she came up to another warning sign, “Are you sure you want to risk it?”

A little further there was yet another warning sign, “Think twice before you go ahead!”

Finally she came across what she knew would be the last of the warning sign, “You are now on your own. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!”

Although these signs felt very ominous, she couldn’t let it get to her. So she continued to move along in the general direction that would take her home.

As she walked along she had this strange but comforting feeling. Although the foliage was generally dense, she felt this calmness, like she belonged here, this was where she was meant to be, which was not really the same as where she wanted to be.

So she continued walking, till she came to a very strange sight. In the middle of the road stood a lion, who appeared to be scared and very much lost. He was a handsome beast but there was something about him that made you want to go and hug him and not be afraid of him.

She approached him cautiously, after all he still was a lion!  She asked him, “What’s the matter, you seem very lost and scared?”

“Oh how I wish you could help me, kind child,” he replied as she cringed, who liked to be called a child anyway. “You see I was with my pride, and they tricked me and left me here. They think I am a disgrace of a lion!”

He said with such a sad look on his face that it made her hug. He was taken aback by this but then he felt grateful for it.

“You know they called me the cowardly lion”, he said trying to flick the tear out of his eyes, “just because I couldn’t be ferocious like them. Just because I was kind to everyone and not ferocious and mannerless like them. They called me names like sissy pants, scaredy-cat and poked fun at me. They said that I didn’t have a brave bone in me.”

“That’s so sad,” she said, “but what are you doing in these woods!”

“Well I thought I could meet this enchantress and ask her if she could help me get that brave bone so that I can be as strong and ferocious like the other lions in my pride,” he explained, “they said that they would take me to her. But alas, it was all trick to get rid of me.”

“Don’t you worry,” she said , “you are a kind and handsome lion. You don’t need someone to give you a brave bone. It will show up at the right moment. Courage and bravery will always find you when you need them the most. So don’t let anyone tell you don’t have one”.

“Is that really true?” he asked with hope in his eyes. “Thank you lil one, that’s the kindest thing anyone has said to me. But can I ask you something, what brings you here to this forest?”

So she explained how she got here and her plan  to get back to her auntie and uncle, who by now would be worried sick, searching for her.

When she was done narrating her story, he asked her, “Can I come with you? I don’t like being here on my own!”

“Why not,” she exclaimed, “I could do with some company, and there’s more fun in two than one.”

So off they went in the general direction she was heading to, two jolly happy souls, and the forest began to reflect their jollyness, it no longer felt scary anymore.

They walked and walked till they stopped in their tracks. They heard a strange sniffling and creaking sound. They searched for the source of the sound. When they finally found it they were quite astonished.

Before them stood a person made of tin. The sniffling sound was that of his crying and the creaking sound was from his joints which was rusted from his tears, because of which he was unable to move which made him cry even more and rust further.

“Why are you crying Tin-man,” she asked, when they finally approached him.

“Who are you?” He asked, in between his sniffles.

They introduced themselves to him, till it was his turn.

“Well, I was lonely man, roaming these forest, till I met these beautiful pixies, who I fell in love with”, he explained, while still tearing up. “They say you can give an arm or leg for the one you love, I literally did just that, till all that was left of me was just a bunch of tin parts. Then she said she couldn’t love a man made from tin. So she left me and ran away, leaving me here.” 

He started to cry even more loudly, even more bitterly, causing him to rust even more.

She walked over to him, took the can of oil and poured it on his joints, freeing from the rust that had paralysed him.

“Thank you kind one,” he said gratefully, “I don’t know how will I ever repay you.”

“I have done nothing great!” She said, “I am always happy to help. Just remember when you love someone, there should be no expectations of anything in return. Otherwise that’s not love.”

“I have noted this, kind soul,” he said, “but may I dare to ask two questions.” 

“Please go ahead, you don’t need my permission”, she said.

“My first question is what brings you to this enchanted forest,” he asked, “and where are you and your pet heading to?” Causing the scaredy lion to let out a low growl.

“Well to answer your first question,” she said , “I was carried over the forest by a very strange tornado.”

“And to answer your second question”, she continued, stroking the scaredy lion to calm him down, “my friend, not my pet, is helping me find my way home, through this strange but enchanting forest.”

The lion felt mighty pleased to hear her refer to him as a friend, and let out soft purr, causing the poor tinman man to rattle.

“If you both don’t mind, can I join you on your journey?” He asked, “I don’t want to be alone if I were to rust again”.

“Please do join us, the more the merrier,” she said

And so the strange trio made their way down the path. They walked and walked and when the sun was ahead, they ate the berries and fruits, which very strangely the scaredy lion enjoyed, something she never expected. Tinman ate hesitatingly not sure if he would be able to taste it.

Once they ate, they all rested for a while before they began their journey again.

They walked and walked till felt they were lost. They didn’t know where to go.

They looked around to see if there was anyone or any sign that could tell them where they were and how to get through the forest. But there was no one, no sign or directions. 

Then she spotted a man, who seemed awfully tall, taller than any man she had seen before. 

“Kind sir, can you tell us where we are and can you help us find a way through the forest?” She asked.

At first he was startled to see her. He cautiously walked from behind the bush. He was a very strange man, if man was what she could call him, because he was half man, half horse.

“Sir, what exactly are you?” Asked the Tinman, breaking the uneasy silence. 

“You are the strangest animal I’ve ever seen, and I thought the tinman was the strangest creature I had seen,” said the scaredy lion, “no offence mr Tinman!”

“None taken!” Said the Tinman with a smile.

“Actually, I don’t really know what I am,” he said with a sad look on his face, “men don’t like me cause I got all the attention of the ladies. So they chased me out. The horses refused to let me be a part of their tribe because I wasn’t horse enough for them. So I am an outcast, neither man nor horse, neither one will let me be a part of them.”

“I know what you are,” she finally said, comforting him. “You are a centaur, a mythical creature which I read in my books, but I never knew they were real!”

“Wow! Can you tell me more about it”, he asked eagerly.

“Well, I will tell you what I have read, if you promise to show us the way home,” she said with a smile.

“Done,” he said eagerly, “but I must warn you that the road leads to the Enchantress of the forest, and I heard she’s quite wicked. She’s a shape shifter and no one know what she really looks like.”

“Well we see what can be done when we meet her. Maybe if we ask politely, she may allow us through” she said hopefully.

“Maybe! Who knows,” said the scaredy lion. 

“If we are with you, we will not let anything happen to you,” added the Tinman.

“So it’s done. We are homeward bound!” She said excitedly.

So off they went, happily on their way. She explained to their new companion what a centaur was, who listened eagerly, lapping up all the information she gave him.

They finally came to a river. They were not sure how they could get across it. She didn’t know how to swim, and the Tinman would surely sink to bottom of the river, or would rust. The lion, like all cats, didn’t quite like the water. It was just the centaur who could get them across the water, and agreed to do so. But he warned, if the scaredy lion dug his claws into his skin he would drop into water, causing the company to burst out laughing, much to the annoyance of the lion.

One by one the centaur took them across the water. Once all made it across, the centaur shook the water off his skin, and they were off on their way.

They continued with the journey, a very strange company, till they heard a booming, which caused them to shudder, especially the lion. 

“Who dares to trespass my forest,” said the voice.

“We are not trespassing,” she finally said, “we wanted to ask you if you could please let us cross your forest.”

“And what makes you think I would allow you to cross my forest,” asked the voice, causing the Tinman shake so much that it startled the poor lion.

“I believe you are kind, and because we are asking you for your permission,” she said bravely, “but it would help if I could see you?”

“Well, we’ll, well,” she said with a really wicked laughter, “I could be anything I want”.

“I could be a dragon,” she said, as out of no where, appeared a dragon, who breathed fire, causing the centaur to jump to avoid being burnt by dragon fire.

“I could be a mighty elephant,” she said as she transformed to an elephant, trumpeting loudly.

“I could be snake,an eagle,” as she quickly transformed into each creature, “I could be anything, what form of me do you want to see?”

“Ask her to become a mouse,” whispered the lion, “I will pounce her and eat her”.

“Well I would like to see who you truly are so that I can ask her in person,” she said, much to the surprise of everyone.

“Now, now, this is a first,” se said, “you asked for it”

As she said these words, she transformed into a woman, who looked beautiful but who’s skin was green, making her look like a very strange creature.

“You are beautiful”, she finally said to the enchantress, “I have seen a lot of women in my village but none are as pretty as you”.

“You really think I am beautiful?” Asked enchantress.

“Well you are first person to say that to me,” she said with a smile, causing the companions to relax. “I was born like this, with green skin. As a child, I was quite rebellious, much to the dismay of my parents,who  already weren’t happy with the way I looked, so they banished me to the boarding school, run by a  very strict wizard. There too I caused problems as I refused to abide by the rules. But here I met this witch who had a kind heart and was always good to me, unlike the other students, who teased and bullied me and called me names. Slowly I felt more deeper for her. At first she accepted my feeling. But was ashamed to admit in front of all. The last straw was when she called me a fag in front of everyone. Finally I was thrown out of the school because they said there was something awful about me that wouldn’t be able to fix. To escape my parents and school and all the people who bullied me, I came here and made this forest home.”

She sighed, as she narrated the last word of her story.

“Wow, you have been through a lot”, she said, “there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t believe what others have to say about you. You are beautiful and strong, and you have the right love whoever your chose to”.

“Thank you lil one”, said the Enchantress with a smile on her face, “these are the kindest words anyone has ever said to me. Abs because of your kindness, I will not only let you pass but I will also guide you through the forest.”

And so their party grew  and they went down the path merrily and cheerfully, till they came to the edge of the forest.

There she saw her auntie and uncle looking for her. She gave a loud shout and ran towards them. She hugged them tightly. She then introduced her friends to her uncle and aunt. And all though they insisted on them staying a little longer, the companion said would make it some other time.

“You know, whenever you feel lonely, you could always visit me in the forest”, said the enchantress.

“I would really like that,” she said, “thank you all, I would never have found if it wasn’t for you”. She hugged and kissed each one of them, giving the Enchantress the tightest hug.

“Come now friends”, said the Enchantress, “I know a group of centaur who would love to have you part of them . Lion I could show you how to brave, and Tinman, I could do with a man like you buddy my side”.

She stood and watched her companions head back into the forest, knowing this wasn’t the last time she would see them.

A Street with No Name

This is a story of a street, a street that was slowly disappearing, losing the battle to modernisation and division, a street with no name, and very soon it would be a fleck of memory.

But it wasn’t always like this. There was a time when the street was so alive that you could feel it’s heart beating in the sound of your own.

It housed people of varied ethnicities, varied backgrounds, people with varied religious beliefs, from various parts of the country, various parts of the world. Immigrants who came over with a dream, with a hope of a better life, who made the street their home. It was a place where the artist mingled with the common folk, the dreamers mingled with the realist. A virtual melting pot. But they all lived in peace and harmony. Everyone was  embraced in one warm hug.

The buildings on the street were painted graffiti, a canvas where art was able to express and lend itself to make something so vibrant even more beautiful.

Every festival, every occasion, every triumph was celebrated. People came on the street and danced their hearts all day and all night, all they needed was an excuse to celebrate, to have a carnival.

The street always had a festive air about it. Maybe it was because it was always decorated.

Here death was celebrated as joyously as birth. After all, every aspect of life needed to be celebrated, and in death we celebrate the life that’s gone to a better place, to its maker, no matter what your belief maybe. So they wiped that tear and raised a toast to a life well lived.

On either streets were cafes, where the dreamers and the poets spent hours on end, composing verses of a world they only dreamed of, writing stories and tales that they wished would get published, that would see the light of day on the big screen. Then you had  the lovers, who came in for the coffee but stayed on for a little loving tenderness. You found them in the cafe and in the park with the artists and painters and the kids who came to play.

Finally you had the barbershop and the hair salon where men and women went to not only get their haircut and shave, their hair and nails done, but also for the latest gossip on the street.

The street was a melting pot where everyone mixed and lived in harmony. 

And then politics happened, and the cracks of division began to appear, which were further deepened by those who stood to gain from it for their political motives.

Festivals that were once celebrated in communal harmony, now became a show of one up-man-ship. 

The air was always rife with communal tension. Communities that previously lived together in harmony, now couldn’t stand to live next to each other.

If that wasn’t all, huge cooperations began to eye the place. They looked to expand  their businesses and the street stood in their way.  So they purchased those buildings, with an intention to bring them down. So get the tenants to vacate them, they drove up the rent. 

The first to go where the artist, the painters, the poets and the dreamers, cause they couldn’t afford the rents and began falling behind and were evicted. 

Next to go where those who wanted to go to safe and a more prosperous place, away from the communal tension. 

The last straw was when the street were threatened to be torn down. This was all that was needed to bring back the unity that  had long since disappeared. Everyone, past and present, came together to save their street from the clutches of the ruthless cooperations and politicians.

They put up demonstrations and protests. They put up posters and graffitis, but couldn’t save their beloved street.

So the day before the street was to be torn down, they had one last carnival to celebrate their street, which they loved so much.

Next day when the demolition crew came to bring down the street, they were greeted with a decorated and happy street that was given a proper farewell before it became a memory, a memory of a street with no name.

Judgemental Hain Kya?

“Judgemental Hain Kya?” That was one very strange and weird movie I had gone to see, and before you get offended (that’s if you like the movie, or it’s stars), in my defence I went for it because of the company, someone  who I liked a lot (and no, I am not going to spill the beans, or anything, on that, so let’s put a pin in that and burst any bubble that’s forming). But hey this is not about the movie.

Being judgemental is so ingrained in our DNA that we can’t help ourselves and judge others, whether on our own, or ganging up with others, we love to be judgy about everything.

We love to judge others but hate to be judged by others, after all the shoe doesn’t fit well when it’s on the other foot (I hope I got that phrase right).

We can’t help ourselves. We see anything, or anyone, and we judge. Its like it’s our birth right and we will do it (sorry Lokmanya Tilak). We can’t stop ourselves, and even though we may make a conscious effort to avoid it, subconsciously we end up doing it.

Even yours truly (that’s me, if you get my drift), has been guilty of this heinous crime. 

Although we are well aware of the ill-effect of being judgy queens, we just can’t do unto others what we want to be done unto ourselves (did I get that right?)

To add to that you have social media. We have our whole lives out there (and not in the X-Files kind of way). It’s like you’re giving the world a front row seat to a one man play featuring us. We see, we click, we post, and for what, likes and comments, followers. But what we don’t see is we are putting ourselves out there and the risk of being judged, and very often comments can be very detrimental to our well-being.

So in the end no one is safe from being judgy. If you judge others, be ready to be judged yourself, and if you cry foul, remember that others would feel the same way too.

So before you make a judgy, bitchy comment, think of this (just rephrasing Christ) let them cast the first stone, the one who are without blemish.

Said I Love You… But I lied

I said I love you… but I lied

Cause these three words 

Doesn’t quite measure up 

To what you mean to me 

The feeling I have for you inside

I have lied to you

Every time I have said I love you

Because you deserve way more than love

You someone way better than me

But you chose me and I have chosen you

It’s a lie that I love you

Cause if the past few day is any proof

What we mean to each other 

Is way deeper than  that 

Way greater than words

To say I love you is a lie

Cause even though our differences 

May come in our way

May try to draw a wedge between us

But like the opposite poles of a magnet

We are drawn to each other 

I may love you but it’s a lie

Cause we are still learning 

How to work with our differences 

How to live with them

And not let them break us

Cause like a moth to a flame

I am drawn to you

I said I love you but I lied

Cause this is more than love

That I feel for you inside 

Said I love you but I lied

Cause love can never be so strong inside

Said I love you but I lied

I am OK… the LIE we tell ourselves

Whenever someone ask me how I am, or how’s my day was, my generic response would be “I’m doing good”, “the day’s good, hectic but good”. But is this really true or blatant lie we tell ourselves and others. 

Face it, people are just asking this as an obligation, making small talk and your response is an obligatory one. And we have been at both the ends of this. Do you think people really care how you are and how way you’re day? Maybe, maybe not! And do you really want to go around telling people how you really feel, and how your day really was? And so we lie, otherwise we would find ourselves in an awkward conversation that we would love to avoid.

We all love to hide our feelings, keep it tucked away from the world. We don’t want to say them or even let them manifest themselves for the fear  of treated as weak, the butt of the joke.

In our very social media centric world, we want everything to appear perfectly fine and all hunky dory, when in reality we are trying to hideaway the truth.

We try to appear strong and calm and disciplined, nothing can affect us, but in hearts we know that’s a lie, because on the inside we are an emotional wreck waiting to find solace and safety in another. 

Just like a duck who appears calm on the surface but is paddling vigorously on the inside. We may appear calm on the outside but on the inside a number of cogs are going around in full throttle.

I looked at my picture from a recent race where I am smiling for the photographer. But no one knew the battle going on inside, and that smile was a lie.

There are so many lies that we tell ourselves and that we tell and expect from others, turning ourselves to judgemental people, when in fact it’s just a manifestation of our insecurities and our inability to accept ourselves and being really uptight.

We got to learn to let go of the grip we keep on ourselves, loosen the reigns that control us. We don’t always need to answer a question, but let the answer manifest itself. We can be true to ourselves.

So next time if someone inquired about you life and day, you can give them your generic answer to a generic question, cause I don’t think either wants to take it forward.