Last Thursday, the Central Government of India, in an affidavit filed in response to petition seeking to recognise same-sex marriages, stated that “Living together as partners and having sexual relationship by same-sex individuals is not comparable with the Indian family unit concept of a husband, a wife and children which necessarily presuppose a biological man as a ‘husband’, a biological woman as a ‘wife’ and the children born out of the union between the two,” [source: The Hindu].
This response, though disheartening, comes as no surprise. And I wouldn’t be wrong if o said that this is an expected response, not just from the present government. There would be a similar response from any other government of the country.
We live in a country that’s mostly conservative, that still holds on to its traditional values. Religion has always been a big factor of the country’s political landscape, and has been used as a pawn by all parties to further their agenda. And in such a conservative climate, no party would want to disturb the concept of marriage and family. Let’s face it, there’s hardly any representation from the LGBTQ community in governance, and the community doesn’t form a big part of any political party’s agenda, thus forever relegated to fringe of society. Hence their response comes as no surprise. In fact, this was a response that would have been expected.
This is a setback, but not a step back. The message maybe disappointing but there’s no hope lost in it. Though there may be a vast majority of those who are enraged and disheartened with this response, but this is not end. After all “कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती” [source: Harivansh Rai Bachan]. This setback can only be a step back if we refuse to learn from it.
If we look beyond gender, marriage is a coming together of two souls, a union between two consenting adults, who wish to enter, to commit to each other, till death do them apart. So if two consenting adults want to enter to a commitment, why should the gender of the two party matter? Why let age old archaic views dictate how we perceive the concept of marriage and family. A child from the union can always be through surrogacy and adoption, and not necessarily through consummation of the marriage.
You may argue that gay men can’t stay committed to one partner. Many seek out multiple partners. This though true, but is not true just for gay men. This holds true for all the male species. Man by nature would always seek out multiple partners in order to spread its species. So how many straight men, in a committed relationship, have strayed from their commitment? Have managed to keep it all in their pants?
Marriage is a sacred commitment between two consenting adults. But this sanctity is lost when the two people being bound don’t really consent to the marriage. Rather they are coerced, even forced, into a bond they do not consent to, because of family and societal pressure. And to add to it, the government also wants to be part of dictating who one should marry. So in the end the marriage is not out of consent but due to pressure leading to broken people, loveless relationships. broken homes , broken marriages, broken families, infidelity, and even divorces.
A LGBTQ youth seeks acceptance, normalcy, a way out of the confusion that engulfs them. They want someone to hear them out, accept them for who they are, and not treat them as a freak of nature, an abnormality, someone shunned and made fun of, ostracised to the fringe of society.
Legalising same-sex marriage is a symbol of acceptance, a step towards normalcy, a step toward being treated like everyone, an opportunity for one to choose who they love and who they want to be with. If they want to bind themselves for the rest of their lives, who are we to oppose to what love has brought together no man can put asunder.
In an ever changing world, where the concept of love, relationship and marriage have changed and adapted with time, holding on to age old notions and traditions will only have us steps behind time.
Disdain and anger is not the right way to react to this response. All is not lost. The only way thing will change if we continue to strive to educate people, to change their mindset and clear the misconception that block their mind. This ain’t going to be easy, and May event take a lot of time and energy. There maybe times when these effort may not bear fruits that they should, not give the results that’s expected, but continuous perseverance will certainly bring about a change, a change in mindset, a broader perception of tradition, and most importantly an acceptance. So we can’t give up, we can never give up. It is only through educating people, making our voices heard, taking active part in governance, will we be able to effect the change we want to see in the world.
So through all the setbacks one can learn and come back. So denial of a right to marriage maybe a setback but it isn’t defeat. We can never give up till the fat lady sings, it’s never over until we say it’s over.
हम qहोंगे कामयाब, हम होंगे कामयाब
हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन
हो हो मन में है विश्वास
पूरा है विश्वास
हम होंगे कामयाब एक दिन
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