The Last Rites

They met each other at a conference. The moment he saw him , his Gay-dar started buzzing. He wanted to know him. It wasn’t like he was desperate for him, but there was something attractive about him, a magnetic personality, with a face and smile to-die-for, with a fit body under those clothes. This thought made him hot under the collar, a bit embarrassed as he literally swooned, undressing him with his eyes.

Somehow he found it in himself to introduce himself, after all he had a confidence in himself, but somehow he knew this one was different, unlike the ones found on dating apps, for people to hook up.

He was surrounded by a group of ladies, who were desperately trying to get his attention, and why not, a gorgeous man like him deserved his own entourage. He felt a  pang of pity for these women as they didn’t  stand a chance, or did they?

He used an exercise of discussion, to swoop him away, a white knight rescuing a maiden fair. He smiled at the thought.

When they were safe from the crowd, he thanked him for coming to his rescue. To which they both burst into laughter. They introduced themselves. Though they kept their respective orientation under wraps, they agreed to meet each other for drinks.

The rest of the conference, he kept staring at his watch trying to will time to go fast. But it seemed like time had chosen the day to take it nice and easy.

He had butterflies flapping around his stomach, while he waited for him at the bar, afraid he may have come on too strong. He hopefully he would come. This was so unlike him. He dated men before, and been on the other side. Was this god’s way of punishing him?

When he finally came , he felt a relief, which was quickly replaced by a giddy feeling. He could swear, at that moment, he turned crimson.

He couldn’t actually remember what they discussed, all he could remember was his eye, how they lit up, his lips, the dimples they formed when he smiled. He so wanted to grab him and kiss him, but he had to control himself.

That night, they formed a  friendship, which was sealed with a hug, and not a kiss. They exchanged number.

Overtime they met over coffee and drinks, went for movies together, shopped together. They constantly texted and called each other.  He so wanted to make a move on him, but he had to contain himself. After all he wasn’t a guy you wanted to fuck and forget. He was a type of guy who you could come home to, and share the rest of your life with. The only thing stopping him was that he had not really mentioned about his sexuality.

Then one evening, after a few drinks, they were walking in the park. There was something on his cheek, which he tried to brush off. Suddenly, he was holding his face, staring into each other’s eyes. And then he leaned in and kissed him. 

He sweared that in that one moment his heart stopped beating, his world stood still, a moment frozen in time.

When he came out of his dream, the first thing he saw was his irresistible smile, and then he heard the words come out of his mouth admitting that he really liked, to which, he dumbly responded, thank you.

He remembered how embarrassed he felt, but it was a memory that they had a good laugh over. He quickly tried snap out of this trance, only to have him kiss even more passionately, and this time he kissed back too. He felt like he died and went to heaven, if heaven was being in his arms.

They walked for a while in the park, holding on to each other’s hand, smiling at each other, like two teenagers discovering love for the very first time.

He took his hand  and kissed them, making him go even more crimson. He told him that he really liked him a lot, loved spending every moment with him. He would love to see where this would take them. But before they could  do that, there was something he wanted to share with him. He told him that he was married and had a son.

Suddenly the whole quickly changed for him. He couldn’t focus on what he was saying. He felt giddy once again. He had to get out of there.

His eyes were welling with tears, and walked around like a drunk, even though he tried to explain to him. He hailed a taxi, and without waiting to hear an answer, got in and instructed the driver where to go. How was it possible that his life could from heaven to hell, from a dream to a nightmare. 

He cried all the way home, and cried himself to sleep. He wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He didn’t feel like getting out of bed. He just lay there and sobbed. Why did it hurt so bad when there was nothing really between them. But somehow he felt cheated.

He refused to answer calls and messages, especially his, for he had tried calling him. He didn’t reply to any of his messages.

Then he heard a knock on the door. He tried to ignore it, hoping that the person would give up and go. But the knocks continued, and if it went any longer it would attract attention, which was the last thing that he wanted at the moment. So he finally answered the door, hoping he could get rid of the person. To his horror, it was him and he refused to go away till he was given a chance to explain himself.

He felt conflicted. There was a part of him that wanted to let him in, while the other wanted nothing to do with him. There was part that felt like a jilted lover, while the other hoped all this was some crazy, cruel prank. But most importantly he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing him in this state.

But then his heart won over his head, and he let him in. He warned him that he would hear what he had to say, but there was no changing his mind, which he meekly accepted.

He asked him to sit down while he made a cup of tea  for the them.

When he took a sip of the tea, he smiled, knowing he had not been joking about the tea. After taking a couple of more sips, he placed his cup  and took his hands in his.

He desperately tried to avoid his gaze but he saw a similar hurt and sadness and pain in his eyes.

He started by apologising for the hurt he had caused him, though hurting was never his intention. He tried not to get attracted to him, but he couldn’t help being drawn to him. He didn’t want to lie to him, there was something special about him, the way he felt about him, something that he tried to avoid, but somehow he succumbed to it. He explained that he came out to his parents when he was a teenager, but they refused to believe him, and cursed him. They sent him for therapy thinking it was a mental ailment.  When he was an adult, they forced him into a marriage against his will, even resorting to emotional blackmail. He had no other option but to give in. He had hoped marriage would be better, but it turned into a living hell. His wife was aware of his orientation and used that as a weapon against him, finding every opportunity to humiliate him. Then they had a child, the Apple of his eyes, and once again she turned it into a pawn in her wicked game. She threatened to cut him off from his child if he ever tried to cut her off. She would humiliate him and his family and would take them to court.

When he finally narrated his story, he looked at him, waiting for some indication, some response. He stared into his eyes that were welling with tears. He just hugged him tight and kissed him.

That day they made love, it wasn’t just plain cranial sex, or a mere hook up, this was love which they made. It was the starting of something beautiful. With each passing day, their love for each other grew stronger. 

But it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, or even a bed roses, cause every rose comes with it share of thorns, and there was bound to be rain sometimes. He always felt like a third wheel in the marriage, a mistress. Though this hurt him a lot,they did have their fair share of arguments about it, he bore the pain because he loved him and he knew he was the most kindest, loving, generous man. He knew the predicament it  would put him in if he insisted on legitimatising their relationship. And besides Same-Sex couples were not legally recognised. 

When he least expected, his love found a way to stand-up to the emotional blackmail. He finally stood up to his family, to his wife. He had enough of living a lie, a dual life, of being bullied. He wanted to live his truth.

What followed was reasoning, which turned to tears, then to threats and abuses, but he stood his ground because of their love.

He finally broke off from his family and separated from his wife and child. He lost the custody of his child, and paid his ex-wife a big fat alimony. His family berated him and disowned him, but they focused their anger on him, their sons love, blaming him for corrupting their son.

As painful as the separation was, it had to be done. He knew he had lost so much for him, for them. He would wake up at night to sound of his sobbing. It took him a while to grieve this loss, but he somehow managed to do it. And when he had finished the grieving process there was a sense of freedom, a weight lifted off his shoulders. And from that moment they began living as them.

He had moved in with him, cause he lost everything in the divorce.  It was a small place, but it became their place. Their little nook in a cruel world. Their house may have been small but their home was large, because they were each other’s home.

Over the years, they managed to get  a bigger place. He even managed to make amends with his family, and managed to get visiting right for his son. He was happy to see him happy with these amends, but he could feel their coldness. They didn’t miss a chance to insult him. But he kept quiet, knowing the happiness this had brought him.

And so their life went on, with all the twists and turns, people coming and going. The only constant was each other.

And then came the pandemic. Like everyone, they stock piled all the essentials. They  tried to stay away from the news cause it only made them more nervous. They followed all the safety protocols, even ensuring that they went out with masks and gloves and kept distance from people.

Then one day, he started feeling feverish. He began to exhibit all the symptoms of the virus. Though they tried to stay calm there was nervous undercurrent. He informed the society and his family doctor about it, who initially advised him to quarantine him at home , keep a watch for any other symptoms.

However, his fever refused to come down, and he also complained of breathlessness. The doctor advised to be hospitalised immediately as his oxygen levels were low.

He called up all his friends, took him from hospital to another, trying to find a bed for him. All this while his condition only worsened. 

Finally, when he found a bed for him, doctor informed him that he would need to be put on a ventilator. He begged them to do all what’s needed to be done, however, a consent form had to be signed, which could only be done by a blood relative, or a spouse. Since their relationship was not recognised, he couldn’t do it. In his desperation he called his family, who initially refused, but finally gave in. His father came and signed the form. However, he gave instructions that only the family should get get any information. 

So he sat there outside the hospital, waiting for any piece information on his love. However, there was none to be found. Everyone refused to give any information cause their relationship was never legal. However, there was a nurse who was sympathetic towards him and gave him bits and pieces of information. He sat there all night and all day without much budging from that place. He ran for medicines, when it was needed, running from pillar to post when they were not available. And all though he was spread thin, he refused to leave the hospital. He felt sad that no one from his love’s family stayed back.

Seeing his state, the friendly nurse told him to go home and freshen up, if there was any update, she would call him.

He knew he wouldn’t be of any help considering the state he was in, so he reluctantly went home, had a shower, ate his food, and then exhaustion took over. He didn’t how and when he fell asleep, but when he woke he saw there were a number of missed calls on his phone.

He frantically dressed up and tried to call up the number, but nobody answered. So he quickly drove to the hospital.

When he reached, he ran up to the ward, asking the receptionist for information. However, she told him that no one was there. He asked her for information of the patient who was there earlier. However, she politely told him that she could not  give him the information as he was neither a blood relative or a legal spouse of the patient. As same sex marriage or partners were not recognised, she couldn’t give him any information.

He begged and pleaded with her but she wouldn’t break hospital rules. She even threatened to call the security if he created any further ruckus.

Just at that moment the kind nurse came out. She took him to one side and tried to calm him down. She told him that he had passed away.

When she told him that he was dead, it felt like the whole world had come crashing down around him. As he was not related, the hospital reached out to his father, who after finishing of the remaining formalities they had released his remains to the family. She had tried to call him but he was not reachable, and considering the current situation they couldn’t withhold the body for too long.

He frantically tried to call his family, but no one was picking up. He ran like a maniac, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to breakthrough and blind him. The news still hadn’t sunk in. Everything felt like a blur, but he tried to keep focus. He finally got someone on the line who informed him that someone had passed away, so few people had gone to the crematorium.

He quickly made his way to the crematorium, but they wouldn’t allow him inside, as only immediate family would be allowed, and he couldn’t prove he was family. 

Somehow he made found his way inside. He ran like a mad man around the cremation ground, till he finally came across a lonely pyre where there was no one there. The person tending to the cremations informed him that the family of the deceased just performed the last rites and left.

 Seeing pyre in front him he finally broke down and began to cry. It finally hit him that he would never ever be able to see his smiling face again, feel his sensation of his arms around him, he would not be able to kiss him, make love to him ever again.

He collapsed to floor in tears and sat there till there was nothing but embers. He finally took the pot that contained all that was left of him home, hugging it as if he was hugging him.

They were brought together in life, but sickness and death and a legal system tore them apart, not even giving him the legal right to be there with him in his last rites.