Into the Deep

He stood there in the room by himself. The cold creeping through his veins, to his heart. He feet felt like lead, frozen to the floor. He just stood there staring at his reflection in the mirror.

While he stared, the mirror suddenly changed, a time portal that carried him to the past when he was little lad. He could see himself in a teeny tiny swimming trunk with a float tied around his waist.

He was standing there with tears streaming down his face. His coach was already in the pool, and so were many of his friends. They were all trying to encourage him to jump and join them. But he couldn’t get himself to do it. He was afraid of doing it. He had been swimming in the kiddy pool for so long. What if he couldn’t swim, what if he were to drown.

He was frozen at the spot. Then suddenly someone caught him, and flung him into the pool. As he hit the water,  panic set in, before instinct set in. He began paddling furiously towards the shallow end.

When he reached the safety, he spat out all the water. He stood there shivering, furiously trying to find the one who had thrown him in the pool.

That was when he heard a familiar voice. It was his mum. She told him it would be alright. She took his hand and asked him to paddle, as she slowly guided him to the deep-end.

He hesitatingly started paddling, slowly and steadily feeling the pool floor disappearing underneath him. He kept paddling with her help, till he was confident enough to swim on his own. 

He joined his friends and from there his coach took over instructing his students what to do.

From that day on it was no more swimming in the shallows, it was the deep for him.

And just like that, the mirror brought him back to the present. He heard someone call him.

His feet were no longer frozen to the floor. He adjusted his bow, and slowly made himself out of the room and to his designated spot.

He stood there, and took a deep breath. He could feel all the eyes on him, threatening to burn through his skin, making him feel uncomfortable and nervous once again.

That’s when the door opened. There she was, a vision in white. Their eyes met, leading to knowing smile. The people vanished. It was just the two of them.

With each step she took towards him, the cold released the hold that it had over his heart. 

He knew that which each step they took to each other they were moving from the shallows and into the deep-end of life.

When he took her hands in his, he knew they would make it, together swimming in the the deep-end of life.

The Boy From the Hood

He sat there in front of the fireplace nursing the drink he had prepared for himself. As the wind howled outside, he was glad all snug and warm inside. He didn’t fancy the outdoors much and the blizzard gave all the more reason to stay in. He wouldn’t want to be someone outside, all caught in the cold outside. He was grateful for the fire and the warmth it provided. 

He twirled his glass and enjoyed the clinking of the ice., a sweet melody compared to the howling wind outside. He took a sip and savoured the warmth he felt as the alcohol made its way down. What else could a man ask for Ona cold winters night. He was safe and warmth in his small but luxurious world. He didn’t have to step outside, he had people to do that for him, people at his beck and call, people who were currently not present. 

Although he had all the luxury he could care for, his house well stocked, to help him  make it through the cold winter, but somehow he felt all alone and lonely. The blowing snow made things all the more gloomy.

As he sat there, nursing his drink, he remembered a life along time ago, when things were totally different. It felt a whole different lifetime. But still it was part of his journey, a perilous one, nonetheless, to get where he was. He would give anything, to not have to have it part of he was. It was part of the fabric that he woven to get himself here.

“The Boy From the Hood,” that was what he was called mockingly. What he would give to see their faces if they could only see how far he had come, and still it was the one thing that he couldn’t.

Life hadn’t always been kind to him. He wasn’t born with a silver soon. But his mother always encouraged him to aspire for a better life. She used to often tell him “Life is just like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you would get, but if you got something you didn’t like, you could always get rid of it till you find the one you want.” This adage had served him well and he had his mother to thank for it, and for some many things in life, for allowing him to dream!

His father, however, was different story altogether. He was hopeless drunk, who regularly, physically and verbally abuse his family. He couldn’t keep a single job, due to his drunken behaviour, and regularly harassed his mother, who worked in the homes of others, for money to by his liquor. And when she refused, he beat her black and blue, almost to point of bleeding. And if he came to the defence of his mother, he was not spared too.

Inspite it all, his mother always tried to maintain a cheerful demeanour for those around her, although he bruises and stains of her tears. She always remained optimistic for her son, wanting to see him rich the he was destined to. She didn’t want him to live the impoverished 

Then one night he was woken up by the screams of his mum. His father was mercilessly beating his wife in one of his drunken rages. He tried to save his mother, but his father rained down blows on him too. So in an attempt to save his mother , he pushed his father, who banged the back of his head to the edge of the table, and began bleeding profusely, and a couple of expletives later lost consciousness.

He panicked wondering if he had murdered his father, he wanted to stay back and save his mother, but his mother insisted that he leave the hoods and go to the city where she had a friend living there who would look after him. He shouldn’t worry about her.

So he packed his bag and kisses his mum goodbye, wondering if he would ever be able to see her again. That night, he left the hoods moved to the big city, not realising how his life was going to change.

There in the big city, his mother’s provided a roof over his head, which he had to share with others. This however, he didn’t mind, as the room felt like a palace, compared to the room which they lived in the hood. The only thing being that he had to fend for himself. He began working for a courier delivery company.

During one such errands he ran into A. When he met A for the first time, he thought his eyes were deceiving him. They were doppelgänger of each other. The only thing that differentiated then was their style. He began to wonder if this was a cruel case of Prince and the Pauper? Was the myths of the silver screen real?

They continued to cross each other’s part till A got fascinated with him and took to him. Now A insisted he joined them. Now A was a rich brat, with money to burn. He was a sole child born to rich parents. A typical broken home, where the parents didn’t pay him much attention as they would to their social standing. To them he was just an asset they would use when they want, and he made best of this situation to get his way, and live his extravagant lifestyle. He had a entourage who continuously hung around him.

Now A took great fascination to him, much to the displeasure of his entourage. They didn’t loose a chance to belittle him, when A wasn’t around. They called him A’s Charity Case, the Boy from the Hood. They thought A’s fascination with him would ware off. But much to their dismay it began to grow stronger. Slowly and steadily he became a close confidant of A. 

With A’s help he was able to slowly build a career for himself. However, this didn’t impress the father of the girl he loved. To them he was just the  Boy from the Hood, who didn’t have not have wealth or a proper parents. They refused to give their daughter’s hand in marriage. He just remained silent, and vowed to make them eat their word. But then as  luck would have it, she was married off to a prospective groom who met her father’s expectation. He was heart broken, but he didn’t want to get mad he just wanted to get even.

With the help A of A’s influence, he was able to grow his business. And there were times he repaid A’s trust by attending events as him. This actually suited him more as it allowed his business to flourish.

Now one day, A decided to have a party on beach side club, and as usual got high. In his intoxicated condition, he insisted of driving from the party with him. However, he lost control of his car and rammed it into someone. When they got out of car to see  what happened, they saw that they had ran into a girl. When they couldn’t find a pulse, A went into a shock, wandering what he should do. He pleased with him to take the blame on his head and he would give him whatever he wanted. However, he didn’t want any part in it. When A requested to help him get rid of the body and the evidence, to which he reluctantly agreed but for a price. 

Once A agreed on the price, he helped A get rid of the body and all the evidence. They drove  slowly and quietly back, trying avoid any further event or attention. When they reached home, the tried to wipe off all evidence from the car and immediately got rid of it.

A being true to his words paid the price that he had demanded him. However, his guilt got better of him abs he turned to alcohol and drugs to drown out his paranoia.

A month later A can to meet him. He told him that he was being followed but someone who knew what happened. A showed him the note with the  words “I Know what you did!” written on it, and with a piece of bloodied  fabric just like the victim wore on the night incident. A pleaded with him, as he was the only witness, if he could help him once again. Once again he quoted his price, which A willingly paid.

Now over the next couple of months, A continued to get mails and calls, blackmailing. And A continued to turn to him to help, but for a price to which A readily welcomed.

A few members of A’s entourage got suspicious about his motive and even questioned it loudly. But he always found a way to silence them.

During this time A started to get all the more paranoid and increased his dependency on drugs and  alcohol. 

Then one day he asked him to come over. When he reached there he found A totally high, with. There was a note nearby along with a syringe. His hands trembled as he tried to inject fatal cocktail into his arms, but he couldn’t get himself to complete the deed.

He slowly went over to A , and leant forward and said something in A’s ears. As A heard what he said his eyes opened wide. His convulsed and he breathed his last

Next day in the paper the news of A’s death was ruled as a suicide from the note that A had left and all the evidence pointing to suicide.

He distanced himself from it all, and continued to grow his business. He attained the status that his mother had wanted for him. But he felt sad she wasn’t there to see the success he had attained. In fact, there was no one who he could share his life with. Everyone had gone.

As he got back from his thoughts, he opened the draw next to him that contained his deepest secret. There was an article of the hit and run accident involving an gentleman, but the perpetrator couldn’t be found. He stared at the picture of the victim and smiled, it was the same man who had refused to give his daughter’s hand to him. As revenge he planned it. He called him on pretext of handing over a parcel to him. He knew A would be high after a wild night. He made A cause the accident that killed his would have been father-in -law. He helped A get rid of the evidence and the body, but ensure that he had few articles he could leverage later. He then started taking control of A and his finances, and silenced whoever came in his way. When A got paranoid and wanted to admit his guilt, he devised another plan to push A further down the rabbit hole. When had no further use of A, he orchestrated his suicide. Before A could die from the cocktail he injected, he told A it was him who was behind it all, and pressed the syringe that administered the cocktail that resulted in his death.

He smiled cause he had proven to all what the boy from the hood was capable of. How he wish he he could see their envious faces? How he wished he could his mother and show her how he enjoyed the chocolates that life gave him, ensuring that he got only the ones he wanted, just like he wanted.

The next morning when his housekeeper returned to the cabin, she found his ice cold body seated in his chair with a glass in his hand a smile on his face.

The Fireplace

He felt a cold breeze blow, always carrying him with it. He could hear his bones creek as he wandered in the cold evening. He tried to keep himself warm but his flimsy worn out clothes were no match for the cold. Though he pulled his shawl, his only defence from the cold, his teeth chattered loudly.

How did he get here? What was he doing out on this cold evening? What was he looking? So many question to which he had no answer. The  cold breeze had now turned into a blowing wind. He could hear it  in the trees, in the rustling of the leaves. He pulled the shawl around his shoulders, trying desperately to keep himself warm.

After while he saw a faint glow, a fire simmering in a clearing. He made his way towards hoping to find someone who could help him. But there was no one there. How strange was that, he thought, on a cold night like this, it was strange to find a burning fire with no one there. But all that didn’t matter. He was cold, and the fire provided the warmth he needed.

As he sat there, warming himself, he remembered another warm fire, but that wasn’t in a open place but in a house. A fireplace, that’s what it was, not like the bonfire that he was sitting in front of. This felt like a distant memory. He found it strange that he could recollect this but had no recollection of how he got out, where he came and what he was looking for.

The warmth of the fire warmed his body and his heart. It wasn’t a searing heat, it was a warm gentle heat. It made him feel warm and it made him feel safe. There was something pleasant, a homely and loving warmth. He could no longer feel the cool.

As he sat in front of the fire, his mind jogged back in time. He remember when he first brought to his master’s place by his parents who worked in master’s household. As he was quiet along and almost the age of his master, he was allowed to play with his master.

He remembered the fond memories of playing in front of the place, especially on rainy days, when children were not permitted to go out and play in the rain, and winter evening when it was too cold to go out to play. It was in front the fireplace where his faster taught him how to read and write.

He remembered, when he grew a little older, his mother said it was time he too helped with the domestic work. He couldn’t play much with his master, but he did find time to sit in front of the fireplace so that he could sit with his master and learn from him and sometime listen to him read the news from the paper. They became close with time.

Then one day, his master was sent to a foreign land to complete his education. When he heard about this he felt sad, he wanted to cry and tell his master not to go. But then he was a lowly servant, besides why would his master pay heed to him. When the time came for his master to leave, he could see a sadness in his master’s face, in Anis eyes. But neither of them could express it due to the status quo that was in front of them.

As the years went by, he continues to work with his parents as the caretaker of the of the house. Every vacation his master would come to village  to spend his break. And though there was a lot to be done, he remembered how his master ensure that he made time to spend it with him in front of fireplace. He was  always fascinated by stories that his master would tell him, about the teachers and libraries, the parties, the girls, the various sports he played. While there was not much he could share with his master, except all the happenings in the village, the latest gossips, which cow gave birth, and so on. But his master always listened to him intently, even though he knew he was boring his master. 

Over the years his mater grew into a handsome young man. He could see the village belle swoon when ever he came over, and would eavesdrop especially when he would go for a swim in the lake. They keep needling him to take them to him, so they could a better view of him. He just shooed them off saying that his master had better thing to do and he would not want to waste his time on a gaon ki chori when he could get a well educated and a beautiful angrez memsaheb. But secretly he too would find himself staring at his master. There were times when his master changed right in front of him. He could see every inch of master’s toned body. And even though he tried to look away from him, he could feel a stirring a longing within him.

Then one year his master came to the village during the monsoon. His parents hadn’t come with him and he added alone. That evening parents sent food for his master. But before he could reach it began to rain. He was thankful that his mother had wrapped the food securely so that the water wouldn’t harm it. But the same couldn’t be said about him. By the time he reached the house, he was soaked to the bone. 

His master was concerned when he saw him at the door, and though he tried to protest that he would need to go home, his master commanded to wait till the rain passed and if he got wet again he catch a cold or pneumonia or malaria, or whatever rain sickness. He asked him to come and dry himself off by the fire.

As he couldn’t disobey his master’s words, he went quietly and sat by the fire but was still shivering because he was wearing his wet clothes. Seeing this master asked him to remove his clothes and let it dry. When he saw him hesitating he jokingly told him that there was nothing that he hadn’t seen. Although he protested, his master refused to listen and come over playfully tried to get him to remove his  wet clothes.

They began to wrestle like they did  when they were kids. The wrestled all over the place till they were out of breath. His master was on top him, pinning him to the ground. He could his master’s warm breath on his face. And then he felt something growing harder. The. There was that feeling he got every time he saw his master in the buff. And when he looked into his master’s eyes, hey found them mesmerising, almost leaving him in a trance. He tried not gaze, but his master kept drawing him in, like a magnetic pull.

His master lowered his face their nose touched  and shared airspace. He tried to avoid his masters lips, but in the end they met. He had never kissed anyone, let alone a man, so sensation was new and awkward. But then something happened deep inside him, something burst and he could feel this warm wonderful feeling that was growing deep within him. He  gave  in and kissed him back.

They rid themselves of their clothes , and continued to kiss. He felt intoxicated the smell of his master’s skin, it was the beautiful smell which he had smelt. With bodies entangled, skin on skin they made love that night. It was the first time he had ever done it and this was a kind of feeling that he had never felt before. His body was tingling, and shuddered with every touch. He felt orgasmic, to the point of ecstasy. 

When they were climaxed, they just lay there, their bodies entangled, their manhood pressed against each other, sweat of their bodies mingling with each other. It felt magical, it felt warm, it felt natural and beautiful. He knew he had broken more than a dozen taboos, but in that moment it didn’t matter. It felt like their bodies were fused together from the heat that emitted from the fireplace in their hearts, and the fireplace before which they lay in each other’s arms.

He stared at his master’s face, looking into his eyes. There were so many things that he hadn’t noticed before, thanks to the social boundaries that were in between them. But now that they had fallen there were so many minute details that he noticed, like the grey fleck in his  eyes, the scars above his eyebrow from the stitches that he had to get from a fall, the perfect straightness of his nose. There were so many details he could see.

His master turned and took his face in his hand and kissed him. His lips felt so soft against his. He didn’t want this moment to end. He just wanted to just lay there in his master’s arm. He felt warm and safe there. But he had to get up leave for home. Though he didn’t care he was worried if his parents would begin worry.

He remembered that vacation distinctly, even as his memory tried to deceive him. He held on to those memories cause they were the best days of his life. He found some excuse to spend more time with his master: they held hands, when no one looking, they kissed and made love every at every chance. His life was beautiful, he was finally in love, he hopes and prayed that his master loved him back. It is as a perfect monsoon love story, if there was any such thing.

As all things had to come to an need, his master’s vacation came to an end. He had to return back to his studies. He didn’t want to go and he didn’t want him to go, but reluctantly they parted, not before he promised to come back for him and take him with him, away from the village ways. 

They returned back to their lives. They made it a point to write to each other, and every now and then he used to get a call from his master. He distinctly remembered that he continued to work with a hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with master.

In the present he sat there staring at the flame wondering what exactly had happened. And then he remembered what happened, and as he thought about it he felt like a dagger was driven through his heart. Though he didn’t want to remember he still remembered it.

One summer day he received a call from his master. What his master said made his world come crashing down around him. His master had been into a marriage against his wish. Some family promise that had to be kept. His master tried explaining his predicament but couldn’t listen to it. His head was spinning around and all he could hear the sound of his life coming crashing down.

His master tried to call, tried to write to him,tried to meet him, but refused to meet him at all. His heart was broken to a million pieces. His master was only person he had ever loved. He had kept his end of the promise but his master hadn’t kept his end. He felt cheated. 

After that what happened was a bit fuzzy, things he couldn’t remember. He tried to remember what happened after that be he couldn’t recollect it. Secretly he was glad he couldn’t remember it, he was sure they were more painful if he couldn’t remember them.

As he sat but that fire, he started to feel sleepy. He couldn’t help but lay down next to it. As he lay down next  to it he felt the same warmth that he had experienced when he lay in master’s arms after they had made love. He felt as if once again he was in his master’s arms. Sleep came quick, and within minutes he was fast a sleep.

In the morning, when the people came to the site, they found his body laying next to the funeral pyre. He must have passed away sometime in the night, in his sleep. Someone recognised him as the caretaker of the house who’s owner had just passed away and next to his pyre  he had passed away, reuniting with his master in the after life.

Little Voice: The Words That Becomes Your Lyrics

She sat by the window of her tiny apartment, staring at the world that bustling outside. She had come to the city with hopes and dreams, like many had done before her. And like the many before her she had her dreams shattered by the cruel city.

A songwriter was what she wanted to be, and writing songs for the biggest names was her dreams. She always felt that music and lyrics went hand-in-hand. If the music was rhythm, then lyrics was the heart. Like all the songs she heard a daddy played, since she was a little lass, she wanted to write songs that told a story. Lyrics that spoke to the listener, a meaningful song, rather than a meaningless thumping beat that played on loop. She found ways to talk to the worlds in the words she wrote.

Family and friends said she had big town dreams that a small town like theirs couldn’t fulfil. So she packed her bags and grabbed her guitar and kissed her mumma and daddy goodbye. She headed to the big city with head full of dreams, a heart filled with hope, a bilked filled with lyrics, and pocket full of cash, which she had saved while working at the local diner. She wanted to make it big on her own merit.

But a big city can be cruel to a small town girls with hopes and dreams, especially one who suffered from stage fright. She could write the lyrics to a song but she could never sing it. Not that she had a bad voice, she just couldn’t sing in front of a crowd. And who ever she approached, with her book full of songs wanted to hear her sing, and some wanted to take advantage of her, as she was young and pretty. 

Everyone wanted to her to be this way and that, but she couldn’t be this way and that, she was not comfortable with it. And so she lost loads of opportunities cause she’s refused to compromise about who she was, her parents taught to be better than.

And as she should stood there thinking, it came to time to do her first gig, walking the neighbourhood dogs. She had to do something. Her finances were running thin, and she couldn’t live off the words of her songs, they didn’t seemed to get her anywhere. So she took up odd jobs to help make ends meet.

So quickly put in her coat and headed on the street to collect the little furry friends she had to walk. Sh loved walking them cause she felt their love for her was genuine and there was no motives behind them. She couldn’t say about the people that came in her life. The ones who came with a purpose, befriended her, got what they wanted from her and went their own way. And she like a believed in the goodness that she saw, almost blinded by it, ending up being deceived.

They say when you are sad or feeling low, you need to go to your happy place. These are the times when the memories you treasure become the light that gets you through. But lately that too didn’t help her.

After strolling through the park, she sat on her usual bench where she usually sat to give her four legged friends a break. It was also her vantage point from where she could view the people playing in the gazebo, admiring them. How she wished she could have the courage like them to stand in public and sing like them, never wondering, or being afraid, if someone out there was judging them.

She remembered a music producer who she had recently met. She showed him the body of work, the lyrics that she had wrote. She even tried playing it for him, the best she could. He told her point blank, unlike other who came before him, that she had talent, but it seemed wasted on things that were sickly sweet and gooey. This wasn’t the kind of music he wanted to make. For him life wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, or garden of roses, cause there’s always going to be rain sometimes, and the roses would come with their thorns. Once she was able to tap into that raw emotion that’s when she would be able to do her talent justice.

She sat there , closing her eyes tightly shut. She let his words echo in her head. When she opened her eyes she knew  what she had to do.

That day after she she had dropped off all the dogs off, she headed back quickly to apartment she called home. She wrote down the lyrics, tapping in to the raw feeling she had felt. She tried to put together the musical arrangements for the same till it was time for her next job, a waitress at a local diner.

Once she was done with her shift, she quickly changed, collected her guitar, and headed to nearby coffee house that had an open mic. 

She sat patiently in the crowd watching one by one people perform to varying degrees of success. By the time it was her turn to go on, the crowd had become restless. Her heart seemed to beating loudly against her chest. She went into a complete flight or fight mode, leaning more towards the later. But she felt as if her feet were frozen and refused to budge from the spot. So she had no other option but finish what she had come hear to do. She prayed, like she had never done before that her stage fright wouldn’t hinder her.

As she introduced herself, trying hard to be funny, she saw face that weren’t paying attention to her, who busy chatting, enjoying her orders. Her heart sank, but she was determined to finish what she has come here to do.

She closed her eyes and began strumming, trying to drown out the fears in her head and the voice outside. She started to sing the lyrics that she wrote. 

It's everything I am and what I'm not

And all I'm trying to be

This is the part where I spit it all out

And you decide what you think of me

I'm not trying to be complicated

I'm never waiting to get the last laugh

But I've been handing out benefits of the doubt

I'd like a little bit back

It's just a little voice

And if you're listening

Sometimes a little voice

Can say the biggest things

It's just my little voice that I've been missing

Looking over the precious moments

It hurts don't it

They can cut both ways

No amount of remembering the better things 

Will make the bad ones go away

But I've been broken and the one to blame

So my savior of self defense taught me to

Sing what I can't say

It's just a little voice

And if you're listening

Sometimes a little voice

Can…

When she finished, she felt a weight lifted that was weighing down her heart. For a brief moment there was pin-drop silence. What followed was applause that her lyrics, her words, her song rightly deserved. 

He stood up and smiled at her. He finally found the talent he was looking. He smiled and left the room. 

When a Song can save a LIFE!

He stumbled out of his car, at an ungodly hour, after driving aimlessly all night. He felt weary, his eyes teary, after trying to hold it together, inside. His heart felt heavy, but his pockets were empty, and his wallet as light as a weather. The only weight that he felt was the one on his head and the weight of the world in his shoulders.

He had dreams, he had plans, ambitions he had, but somehow they all went wanting. There were so many things he wanted to do,  things to see, things to do, with a lot to achieve and prove. He had the drive and abilities to make them true. But he lacked a  Plan B, and the year turned into a deadly foe, that left him feeling hopeless and low. It had thrown a spanner in the work, poured water all over his plans and now he didn’t know what to do. He saw his world crumbling around him, threw threatening to bury it under its rubble. He felt the walls closing around him, such that it would squeeze the life from within

So he made his way to the bar, after wandering for hours, he had nowhere else to be. He needed to drown his sorrow for there was no tomorrow, or escaping the fears that threatened to consume him whole. But then the bar was closed, and though he knocked on the door, no one was opening it for him. So he peered throw the windows and stared at the bar, imagining the bartender pouring his drink. And then he saw the old piano and remembered the wise man who tickled the ivories, passing sage advice to patrons who needed it most with their drinks. So he began to sing to himself.

“Sing me a song, oh you Piano-man

Sing me a song tonight

I am cold and weary 

And life is so dreary 

How I wish I could end it all tonight!”

And low and behold, he heard the wise piano-man replied to his pleas!

“Son look around, 

There are many to be found 

Who are sailing in the same boat as you

If you make it through the stormy weather 

Life’s only going to get better

You’ve just got to stay afloat

Even grey clouds have a silver lining

So you just stay shining

You’ll find your pot of gold 

At the end of your rainbow 

Remember the harder you fall

The higher you will rise 

Rough time will makes a tougher you

You’re going to get stronger 

So hold on a bit longer 

You’ve just got to learn to adapt

So son don’t loose hope 

Just learn to stay float

Find it within you to withstand it all

You have it in you

A strength you never knew

That will help you rise when you fall

So stay a little stronger 

Hold on a bit longer

Just believe me you’ll sail through!!!”

And as he heard these words in head, he no longer felt dread, or the anxiety that threatened to choke his life. His heart filled with hope, and he now believed he could would survive. So he wiped off the tears, that now begun to show, he now had a renewed belief in life. He knew he could overcome whatever obstacles that would came and the lemons that life threw his way. He was hopeless no more!

So he sighed and sang to himself...

“Sing me a song Oh you Piano-man

Sing me a song tonight 

Cause I no longer feel lost

And I will fight back at all cost

Cause your song just saved my life!”

Here’s to us!

Though he tried to get back to the life he once knew, somehow he couldn’t get her off  his mind, and this was not something he wanted to do. He wanted to call her, to talk her, to hear her voice, still hoping to convince her. But his ego was hurt, and that kept him from calling her. 

He got so involved in his work that he didn’t quite get much time to do anything, and his work kept him busy most of the time. Finally when he got the time to call her, her number was not reachable. He was aware that the network connection on the island was quite bad. But then when he tried her again, after a couple of days, his call went directly to voice mail. Now he was worried about her. When he finally got the time to take a few days off, he returned back to the island. But she was not there. She had left her job at the cafe and no one knew where she had gone.

This made him furious, how could she do something like this to him, how could she be so cruel towards him. He wanted to scream and shout. But he refrained from doing any such thing, his old life was returning back to him and he was loosing all the spontaneity that he had discovered when he was around her.

He returned back to his life, pained, hurt and disappointed. He spend the next few days, next few weeks trying to locate her, even taking the help of professionals, but to no avail. It was like she vanished into thin air. He hadn’t asked about her past, so he knew little to none about it. He cursed himself for not knowing more about her.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. He got totally involved in his work, totally consumed in it, totally immersed in it. But every now and then he made the effort of trying to locate her. He tried to date, but no one matched to her, no one made him feel the way she made him feel. She was his standard of love. But most importantly his heart refused to let go of her, to let him forget her. So he was not able to bond with anyone. 

Then after almost over two decades, since he left the island, since he last saw her in person, he found a postcard lying on his desk. There was something vaguely familiar about it, he couldn’t put a finger on what it reminded him of. The handwriting seemed oddly familiar but one he hadn’t seen before. It was an invitation to visit the island. And then it struck where he had seen the picture before. This was the picture of their favourite place on their island, where there spent countless hours lazying away, making love. As he stared at the postcard he could hear his heart beat against his chest . Had she finally relented, and come to her senses. The writing didn’t quite look like that of hers, but when people change over the years, wouldn’t their handwriting do the same. 

He couldn’t contain his happiness, his excitement. He took days off, well that was not needed when you were running your own division. He quickly got a flight and a ferry to the island. When he finally stepped on the small dock of the island, he noted that even though things had changed, there was still something familiar about the island. He was so excited to see her after all this while.

When he arrived at the cafe he was greeted by this beautiful, striking girl, who must have been in her late teens or early twenties. She was dressed in loose flowing trousers and blouse. Although she seemed quite young there was something confident and sure about her. He continued to stare at her, as there was something vaguely familiar about her. She greeted him with a warm smile and then it struck him that staring at her eyes was like his eyes staring back at him. And then what she said took him by surprise.

She introduced herself as Mia, her daughter, his daughter. And then he recognised the striking resemblance of her in Mia, her features, her spirit, mixed with that of his. He couldn’t contain his happiness, he couldn’t contain his joy. He had a beautiful daughter. And then he felt this burning rage towards her. How could she be so cruel, how could she keep something so big from him. How could she deny a child the love of her father, how could she robe a man from the joy of fatherhood. He was furious. He wanted to see her immediately. Mia asked him if he would like to have anything, but all wanted to do was to confront her. So she took him to the place where they had lived previously. And when they reached there, she handed him an envelope and left him, as she had some errands to run but promised to meet him at the cafe.

He didn’t want to read the letter but still he sat down and opened it. As he read it tears welled up in his eyes. It was from her. It said that if he was reading this meant she had long since gone, passed over to the other side. In it she asked his forgiveness, but explained why she did what she did. A few days after he left, she discovered she was pregnant with Mia. And although she was tempted to call him to give him the good news, she restrained herself from doing this, cause once again she didn’t want him to do something for her, she didn’t want to be the reason for him giving up on his dreams. So she decided to bring up Mia on her own, but never lying to Mia about her father. But on hindsight, what she felt like she was sacrificing, was actually a very selfish act. She denied Mia of knowing father, a father’s love, she robbed him the joy and experience of fatherhood. For which she was terribly sorry, something that ate her from within. She went on state that Mia shared her father’s acumen for business and her mother’s spirit for adventure. Now she had gone she hoped he would care for her.

He read the letter a couple of time, and each time he read it he missed her even more. When Mia returned, he hugged her tightly, not wanting to let her go. And as he held on to her, tears streamed down his eyes. He looked her in the eyes, kissed on her forehead. He promised to make up for the years they had lost, the years they were not together. He had found her and there no way he was he letting go.  And they stood there holding on to each other with tears streaming down their eyes.

Few months after he had discovered that he had a beautiful daughter, he was sitting with his daughter in a beautiful cafe, one he knew her mother would love. She got admission to the best college, but every now and then they took father-daughter trips, spending as much time as they could with each other, making memories. And as they ate at the cafe, they tasted each other, the adventures they had and will have, cause life’s short and the world was large and they wanted to make as much memories as possible. So here’s to us!

Chiquitita

 She sat on her childhood bed, staring at the picture of a girl who was smiling back at her. The smile seemed oddly reassuring but it masked the pain behind the smile, just a facade. Oh how she wished she could travel back in time and warn her about what was in store for her, maybe then things would be different. Maybe she could guide her to a better and brighter future instead of going through the things she had gone through.

From her adolescence days she knew she was different. She was not like the other girls. She didn’t like doing the so called girlie things. Because of this she was always treated like an outsider, but then she didn’t much care about it. Her father didn’t find anything wrong with this but her mother constantly nagged her about it. Other than this they were supportive of her and always believed in the right balance of studies and extra curricular activities. But some how they still didn’t get her. 

So she found herself battling to come to terms with her true identity. Confusion and awkwardness reigned through her formative years. And when she finally managed to come to terms with her identity her parents couldn’t handle it. They feared of what society would say, of all the gossip, their standing. Not once did they consider her and what she was going through. Her mother blamed her father for being liberal with her and letting her do what she wanted to do, and her father blamed her mother for failing to see the signs despite being a woman herself.

She tried to block them out of her head, but their constant quarrels and bickering always occupied her head. It pushed her into a dark corner, a dark and lonely place, on the brink of a total breakdown. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she tried to put an end to it all. This sent her parents into a greater panic. They starting searching for marriage proposal for her, getting her married off to the one they thought was suitable and would bring some sense and sanity to her.

Marriage was something new to her, something she never thought about, something she didn’t want. But then she resigned to her faith and tried to settle in the ebb and flow of her new life. Like everything else, he showed his true colour once the honeymoon period was done. He often forced himself on her, when she refused his advances, calling it his right and her duty, leaving her physically and mentally abused, leaving her scarred and bruised. She tried to confide this in her parents but they just brushed it aside saying there would be chinks that would need to be fixed.

And then she discovered she was pregnant. She wanted to have an abortion cause she couldn’t get herself to bring another life into her dark and scary world. But her in laws and her husband would have none of it. The abuse became even more unbearable.

Finally she found the strength to take a stand and walk out of the life of pain that she was in. She initially stayed with a friend who was supportive of her, and also because she was not sure if her parents would ever take her back.

But life had other things in store for her. It finally took a turn for the best. One day, when her mother visited, she saw the scars on her body. That day they both had a breakdown, and in the flow of their tears their relationship thawed. In the flow of their tears and in that warm embrace they resolved to stand by each other.

She returned to her childhood with her mother, to even more tears of happiness. From that day on her parents made a promise to stand by her, no matter what, and they did. She knew it was difficult for them, as it was for her, with all the gossips and all the side way glances and whispers that would stop the minute they were seen. She knew it was difficult for them to accept and understand the situation but she could see the effort they were putting in and she was appreciative of it and was  happy to have them by her side, along with her friend. 

Together they were able to set her free from a toxic marriage, her rock through the turmoil. And when the baby came their joy knew no end. They became doting, gushing grandparents. Their acceptance influenced others who slowly began to accept and understand her. She was finally able to find her feet and live the life she wanted.

And so she found her self sitting on her childhood bed, staring at a pic from when she was little. She was on the cusp of something she had been through before but only this it was of her own will and her choice. She put the picture back in the frame and placed it at her beside. She sighed and eagerly waited for daybreak, the day she would marry the woman of her dreams.

A Rendezvous in the Moonlight

The baking had taken longer than he has expected it to. He knew that he would be late for their meeting. He could have either postponed their meeting and carried on with his baking, or he could have postponed his baking and gone and met him. But he wanted to do both, after all he was doing one for the other. So he continued to bake. 

As soon as it was baked, he left it too cool on the rack and hurried to get ready for their meeting. Once it had cooled down, he boxed it, got on to his bike and off he went. All along the ride he wondered if his effort would be appreciated, would be liked. He was excited, not because of their meeting but what he was getting to their meeting, something that was made specifically, not for the occasion, but for someone specific.

So he rode down as fast as he could, as fast as the speed limit permitted him, as fast as his two-wheeler took him. He didn’t want to upset the content of the box, so he made sure he rode carefully. Although cautious he felt excited and could feel the butterflies fluttering in his system. He had this strange nervous excitement in him.

As he reached his destination he could make out his silhouette in the moonlight. Seeing him, he ran towards him and gave him a tight hug, hoping that the warmth he felt, on seeing him,  could be transferred to him. So he embraced him tightly, never wanting to let go, never bothered of what would the world say.

Slowly he wriggled out of the embrace and took him by the hand and led him back to his two-wheeler. This wasn’t where they were supposed to be, their rendezvous point, but since he was going to be late (like really late) he decided it would be best to pick him up from somewhere near his place and head to where they were to meet.

So they got on to the bike and rode to their destination. As he rode he could feel a cool breeze on his face but at the same time he could feel the warmth of his breath at the back of his neck. As they drove he could feel the warmth of his embrace as he held on to him tightly. He could feel his head on his back as they slowly made their way to their destination.

He didn’t want the moment to end. He wanted to stay there and live in the moment forever, never wanting to come out of it. But he could hear the ocean calling, the sound of the waves running towards the shore. He knew their destination was near. Reaching, he stopped at the designated parking lot and parked his two-wheeler there. He took him by the hand and lead him to the beach. 

Reaching the there they kicked off their shoes, because he wanted to feel the coolness of the  sand between their feet, and also they didn’t want to get sand in their shoes. They walked for a while, strolling hand in hand down the beach in the moonlight. 

At last they came to a familiar spot, one they had been to many times before. He sat down on the sand and with it pulling him down towards him. He removed the content of the box and stared at it. Be then took a small bite of it, slowly trying to savour it, take in the taste of the chocolate that had thankfully not melted.

He stared at his face trying to gauge his reaction. He took another bite and then slowly closed his eyes, as if to let the taste sink in. He just looked at him admiring the way he relished the chocolate ganache tart which he has specifically baked for him.

When the content of the box was completed, he leaned over and gently kissed him on his cheek, and put his had hands around his arms. He in turn put his hands across his shoulders, pulled him closer, as he rested his head on it. They sat there under the starry skies, with just the moonlight to illuminate the night, staring at the inky black ocean, letting their bodies and their love to keep each other warm. They let the waves play a symphony, serenading them, as they made the most of their rendezvous under the bright moonlight.

Addiction

She woke up in a pool of sweat. She had this strange uneasy feeling, as her heart thumped rapidly against her chest. She sat up and tried to calm herself down, but she couldn’t shake off this uneasy feeling, threatening to drag her deeper and deeper into an abyss which seemed bottomless. She could feel a panic grip her as she struggled to breathe, struggled to catch her breath, or was it that she had altogether forgotten how to breathe.

She got off her bed and slowly walked to the window, taking deep breaths, trying calm herself and the world around her, through the affirmation she had learned. It did help a wee bit, but still she couldn’t shake off this feeling that was gripping her heart.

This wasn’t the first time and she knew to wouldn’t be the last time she would have these episodes. She made some coffee and made her way to the he window. As she stared down at the world below that was groggily awaking from its slumber. As she stared at the world below she felt like the ground below her beckoned her promising to set her free. And she was tempted to giving into it, to take that leap of faith and let it all go, to se herself free from the pain she felt. But at the same time she knew this wasn’t the answer to her problem, the answer she sought.

As she she sipped and stared outside her window at the pre dawn skies wondering how did she find herself in this mess. How did she get entangled in this web of deceit as hard as she tried to not to get drawn into it. Yet her she was, all messed up and entangled in this shit. She had tried to protect herself from it and yet she found herself fallen for the things she protected herself from.

He came on the wings of the wind and ensnared her heart. She fells for his words, although she thought she was immune from it. Somehow she found herself giving herself completely to him and to the ideas and notions he planted in her mind. And although her head tried to caution her (as she had been here before), her heart wouldn’t listen. He had taken control over her soul. 

Her friends had warned her but she paid no heed, but now was paying the price for her deed. And when she realised this , it was much too late, he had a hold on her heart. How much she tried to escape his grip, the more she felt his claws dig deeper  into her heart, refusing to let go off her no matter how hard she tried.

She knew what she had to do, remove him from her life, erase him and set him free. Cause like a wound he was festering from within and she couldn’t help but keep tormenting herself. But this one simple act she was finding very hard to do, cause letting go meant letting go of all the moments that they shared, even though at hindsight, it was just an illusion.

So there she found herself checking her messages, checking his status, his posts, though not responding to any of them. Somehow she sensed he knew what she was doing and through his post manipulated her even more, messed with her head, making her feel like the villain of the piece, when in fact she was the victim.

She stared outside into the night sky, having this strange sensation that he was behind her. She wondered how long would she go on living this way, tormenting herself. Her mobile beeped and instinctively she looked at it wondering if it was from him. But then she sighed and knew what she had to do, if she had to make it through. She looked at the skies and muttered “I forgive you”, setting him free, she deleted his contact, from her address book and social media accounts, from her heart, setting herself free. She dropped her mobile phone and sunk back into bed to a peaceful sleep.

Love at First Dance

She had seen this place a numerous times, in pictures, but never in person. Yet as she walked towards it, she was not prepared to take in how beautiful it was. She wanted to but she had other things on her mind. Inspite it all what she saw took her breath away.

As she walked towards it she could feel the butterflies flutter in her stomach. Although she tried to calm them down, they just refused to settle. She could feel them fluttering around her stomach. She could feel her nerves.

Why oh why did she agree to something so crazy, something she had never done before, something that she would never do. Yet here she was, on the brink of doing the unthinkable, something she never thought she was capable of. She normally never gave into peer pressure, but how did she made an exception to do this?

She walked towards the place, and stood with her back to the light post. She could feel her heart beat at a million km/hr, threatening to explode from her chest, if that was possible. As she stood there, she would hear his footsteps, causing her heart to race even faster. She was tempted to turn around and get a quick peek. But then that was not what she was instructed to do. She waited patiently, fighting the temptation.

And then the music began to play. She turned around, going from post to post trying to catch a glimpse of him. But then he too did the same. So they continued to dodge each other, each trying to get the glimpse of the other, till their eyes finally met and they locked on to each other, and never left each other for the rest of the moment.

He was the most handsome man she had set her eyes, at least in a while (ok make that in quite a while). He was athletically built but not muscular. He was lean but not ripped. He was not a model but he could definitely get heads to turn, to stand out in a crowd. He was stylish, and though you could credit the stylist for that, whatever he wore, he carried it with aplomb and swag that was all his own, you could give him that, no one could take that away from him. He may have not been perfect, but for her he was her version of the perfect Prince Charming.

He took her by the hand and twirled her, causing her heart to skip a beat. He held her firmly by the shoulder but not roughly, rather tenderly. He gently caressed her with his fingertips, letting them run down the side of her neck, never once making her feel uncomfortable, sending a tingling feeling down her spine. She fell backward into his arms, in an almost trust-fall, melting into his arms. He caught her and twirled with ease, lifting her, making feel as light as a feather. As he guided her, lead her, he made her feel safe and secure, as they flowed from post to post, in sync to the music. 

Not once did he break eye contact, speaking through his touch, through his eyes, assuring her “we’ve got this! I’ve got you!” Not once did he make her feel awkward or uncomfortable. She felt safe and secure, she felt like she was floating on air, light as a feather. She felt like a princess in a fairytale, and the place only added to it. His every touch sent so many sparks flying. She felt combustible, as if his touch lit a thousand of flames within her. She didn’t care about choreography. She just followed his every lead. 

He was no professional but his leads were clear and precise. He guided her across with ease and purpose. If he was nervous or uncertain, he didn’t show it. He was confident and had poise and grace. When it came to the final lift, he caught her by the waist as she came towards him, lifting her up, while turning around, slowly bringing her down as they continued to spin, into his arms, and melting on to the floor, where they lay for a while, which felt like eternity.

As she lay there in his arms, with her head on chest, she didn’t want the moment to end. She didn’t care about the light drizzle that had begun to fall. She just wanted to lay there in his arms, staring into the endless sky, like what could lay in front of them. 

But like everything, the moment had to come to end. The song may have come to end but they still continued to breathe in unison. He got to his feet and helped her up, like the gentleman he was. As she walked away, he waited to see her go, and then went on his way, as if hoping for one more glance, hoping she would turn around one more time.

As she walked with her hand on her heart, she could feel her heart flutter. She tried to catch her breath, to calm herself down, but it just refused to calm down. How could it after it had experienced something truly magical, something right out of the pages of a romance novel. This was something so unlike her. Though she was hesitant, had her doubts, thinking it the most foolish thing she had ever done, risking it all. But now that she had done it, she was glad to have taken the chance, taken the risk. She couldn’t get enough of it, she wanted more. 

Who was he, the man who had swept her off her feet, danced his way into her heart. Who had set her heart on fire, who set fire to the rain. Who was he? She needed to know more about him, she craved for his touch, for the chemistry they shared. She needed more of him. And as she walked away, she wondered if it was possible to fall in love at first dance!