The Last Breath

He sat there watching her breathe, a struggle with every breath, an occasional sputter of cough. He knew this day would come, he knew it all would end, but now that it was upon him, he found himself numb, struggling to put a lid on his emotions. Ever since the first diagnosis and through the countless chemo sessions, he tried to steel himself for what was to come. But now that the moment had come he found himself lost. 

They say when the going gets tough the tough gets going, you find strength somehow especially when you needed it the most. So why wasn’t he feeling strong? Had strength deserted him in his hour of need? He felt helpless and hopeless not knowing what to do, to hapless to take decisions.

He felt a stab of guilt for having gone for a group run instead of being there with her. So there he sat, staring at her every breath. Her eyes emoting the pain she couldn’t speak of. He sat there by her side, trying to give her comfort, as comforting her was all he could muster himself to do. Hunger had deserted him. He just sat there by her side.

By evening her breathing grew heavier and more laboured. Her eyes glazed over. He knew the end was near, but what should he do? Just let her go or give it one last Short? And then he had the feeling of guilt and what would be people would say.

He managed to get a doctor to check on her, who just allied what he already feared. She was sinking and it would be any moment, admitting her to a hospital would only mean putting her on a ventilator and prolonging her pain. He didn’t want this for her, cause he knew she went through enough.

So after after paying the doctor’s fees and thanking him for his honest advice, he asked his mum and neighbour to rest as sat by her side. He felt she would fight through till his siblings arrived, cause they were her life. 

He sat by her side. The exertion of the day and the emotions began to weigh him down and grow heavy on his eyelids. He tried his best to fight it but in the end gave into it. 

It may have been only for a brief while that his eyes were shut, when he shook himself out of his daze. Something was  amiss. He realised it was all done. She was now in a better place. Fighting back tears and emotions. He kissed her gently on her forehead and said a silent goodbye, then looking up to the heavens he muttered a  thank you, and went to the bedroom to inform his mother.