Living with Cancer

Living with cancer... No I haven't been diagnosed with cancer, nor am I a cancer survivor. I have gone through the next thing, seeing a loved slowly and steadily go through it.

On the 17th of January, 2014, I received a mail form SRL Diagnostics confirming that my aunt had lung cancer. Further meeting with oncologist only confirmed that she had advanced stage 3 lung cancer. 

And so began a journey, a battle that spanned over 3 years and 4 months. Been with her for every chemo sessions, Doctor's visits, CT scans, seen the fear and pain and hope in her eyes, the will to live. Seen how cancer slowly took over her, slowly eat her. But never giving up on hope and cure.

For three years seen her wither, often looking on helpless, trying to do all I could, often wondering if I had done enough. Always questioning and doubting, sometimes tearing up thinking about the present and what is to come.

After battling courageously for well over three years, my aunt breathed her last. During her last couple of days she went  through depression with the thought that there was no returning now, and stopped taking proper food.

Very often the patient goes through counselling, but the family also needs counselling too. Very often I know I felt hopeless and depressed with the stress how to make it trough... how to ease her pain... how to manage the finance... how to manage life... putting majority of my life on hold. There were times I wished I could have put an end to it all, one way or the other. Sometimes it made me sick in the pits of my stomach just thinking about it. Sometimes even thinking of life beyond and after. Very often finding myself in a dark place.  Although I had family around me I felt alone and helpless.

Thinking about what I went through makes me think about all those who go through this without no support, emotionally and financially, how would they make it trough. What would they go through. Would they just give up on life? But through it all I really hope for the best for all... strength, courage and hope.