Free Falling

One moment you’re standing, admiring the view, the next thing you know is you’re falling, as if the ground beneath your feet just gave way, sending you free falling into the dark abyss below, at a rapid pace.

Is this a dream or is it my worst nightmare come true? I desperately try wake up from it. Is this for real? Is this happening? What happened? Is there something or someone below who will catch me and stop my fall?

I try desperately to hold on to something but all I can feel is the air as it caresses my face. Hands flaying, as if trying to grasp something, as if by some miracle a branch, if not a hand, would sprout out of thin air, that I can hold on to. But there’s nothing but despair.

So is this it? Am I going to end up like a splatter on the ground below? They say that when the end is near your whole life flashes before eyes, but where was my show reel? Didn’t anyone prepare one for me? Don’t I have anything to show for?

But then how did I come to this situation? Was I pushed? Who was up there with me? Is this deliberate murder most fowl? Or did I just jump off??? Was I that desperate to take such a desperate step? What pushed me over the edge, literally and figuratively? Or was I peering too far way to have lost my balance and toppled over? A silly accident.

But the main question is what was I doing on that ledge? How did I get up there? What made me get up there? Didn’t I have a plan or a safety net in place?

So many questions to be answered, but I am still falling. How much more time till I hit rock bottom? It seems like have been falling forever. When would it all come to an end and how will the end come?

Like a death row inmate waiting for a last minute reprieve, you wait hope against hope for a miracle. Maybe you sprout wings at the last moment and let’s you soar before you hit the ground. Or that gravity that has been pulling you, now starts pushing you right back up. 

But no such luck for me, nothing and no one coming to my aid. How I desperately hope that this is a bad dream. But again no such luck. And then slowly you feel it, you feel all the panic and fear slip off and replaced with a numbness, making you feel nothing. And then you begin to float, your spirit rising to freedom, breaking the shackles that binds you. You feel a lightness. 

And then with the thud you land, hard on the ground. But then you realise that this was the despair you felt, and now that you hit rock bottom the only way for you is up. And no matter how bad things are and  how you free fall, you will fin your way back.