Let me start by saying this, this write up is a pure work of fiction, and any resemblance to any person or thing, is purely coincidental, that’s right, purely coincidental.
That said, here we go. Once a upon a time, in the not so distant past, in a galaxy not so far, far away, in fact not far at all, it is our very own galaxy, there was an organisation that said that its employees mattered as much as it laid emphasis on results. Employees were greeted with lemon drops at the reception, there were jars of biscuits on every table in the canteen and in the pantry. There were dustbins under every table, incidentally there was sufficient space between workstations, tissue paper in the washroom, beside the toilet rolls in every cubicles.
Then one day, the sweets at the reception disappeared, without any explanation. Or may be fthe Powers to Be just didn’t want the employees to have a sugar rush, or even diabetes, after all they played so much of Candy Crush.
It was noticed that employees spent more time in the canteen and pantry than what they spent at their desk, munching on biscuits and sipping on tea or coffee and busy in their daily gossip, much to the annoyance of the canteen caterers, as no one ordered much or anything. So slowly and steadily the jars disappeared, one-by-one, cause they cost the organisation precious money (how else would they find ways of funding the Powers to Be’s European and South American sojourn) and precious project hours. The only way to get people back to their desk would be to remove the very reason that caused the waste of time.
Now the organisation began to think Green, or they just was getting into Hulk mode or some Martian creature. It all started with the segregation of waste. But I am not sure if the employees understood what waste segregation as you still found them throwing tissues in the dustbins meant for dry plastic and wet waste. Maybe they just had problem reading, or couldn’t read, or didn’t care.
Then one day, there were no dustbins below each desk, just two pair of dustbins at either end, much to the surprise and annoyance of all. Maybe, just maybe, they just wanted the employees to get off their butts and walk, rather than spending hours chained to their seats with the only time they got up was when nature called or when some hot juicy gossip called to be shared.
The next endeavour to be environmentally conscious was a day when they kept no tissues (thankfully this was not applicable to the toilet rolls), in order to save trees, appear green, save tissue papers and in turn save money (which I guess was the motive from the get-go), the first Friday of every month (seemed like a very Catholic thing). But then they removed the tissues from washrooms altogether (again, thankfully not toilet paper rolls) and replaced them with dryers which sounded like the engines of the Boeing 747 (I may be over exaggerating, then I could also be under exaggerating). So to save trees they decided to consume more electricity and make people spend more time trying to get their hands dry hoping at the same time they didn’t go deaf. But this didn’t stop the process of having to take a print out and then scan it whenever they needed to claim.
Then one day, there was an imbalance in the employees to seat ratio, and since the concept of working from home was a privilege (unless you had the blessings or was the powers to be). So the higher powers decided to densify the workspace, their way of bringing employees closer. So you could just turn and literally be in your neighbour’s workspace.
The organisation then decided to be young, fresh and appealing, so they went in for a makeover. More brighter colours were added to the colour pallets, the font style changed to Comic Sans or Script (not very good at font style you see) and the icon shifted for left to right, making the logo appear more like a doodle. But then no matter how much young appealing you try to be, how much plastic surgeries and Botox shots you may take (isn’t that in the end what rebranding is all about), if you don’t change the way you behave, the way you think, your treatment of employees, who you are, all this makeover amounts to naught. Like a TV channel that constantly keeps rebranding itself without the thought of updating its content and in the end appearing out of date and not in step with the present. So if you don’t change your way of thinking, then it would be a case of boodhi godhi Lal lagaam.
Well there you have it, the great corporate cost cutting story. It is something that may have happened to me and could happen to you.
P.S. Heard that the organisation has started to switch the AC off every noon (or reduce the temperature)... I shudder at the thought of what this could lead to... sweaty sleepy self.
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