As I made my way home, a cool November evening, all lost in thoughts, I felt a familiar vibration in my left pant pocket. I reached for my pocket to check on my mobile. It was an unknown number calling me. Though the ring was the same as it usually would be, there was a different feeling about it.
“Hello”, I said, as I have said a thousand times before. “Hi my love”, said the voice on the other side. There was something eerily familiar about it, something that made me stop in my tracks. Could this be, could this really be? But then this was not possible. I longed to hear these words. I last heard them over five months ago and I knew I would never hear it again. But then here I was listening to it, how could this possibly be?
Almost a whisper, I muster the courage to mutter, “who’s this?” Almost hoping that this was a prank call. “Baba it’s me, in fact it is all of us” said that oh so familiar voice that I yearned to hear.
I stood there, frozen in my tracks not knowing what to say. Was this really happening? Was this even possible? “My love”, the voice continued, “we have been been watching your, we have tried to call you a thousand times but you seemed lost to us, all wrapped in your own world, all stressed, tensed and pained. We know I. Some way or another we have cause you the pain and stress. We are so sorry my love.”
“No, no, no” I finally blurted, trying to control my emotions. “I am sorry! I know I did all that I could, but I know I could do more to reduce your pain, something that has always haunted me that I didn’t do enough for you all.”
“Rodu baba,” came another familiar voice, “you did all you could. In fact you did much more, you sacrificed so much for us. We knew this but never truly appreciated what you did for us, the way you deserved. And don’t you worry about us. We are in a better place, free from all the pain and suffering.”
“Son”, came another voice that drove dagger through pain from the pain of separation, “I know we may have not gotten a chance to say goodbye and I never got to tell you how much I love you.” “No I am sorry, “ I said desperately trying to fight back the tears and push that lump back in the throat. “The last time I saw you I was so upset with you, didn’t even want to talk to you, not knowing that would be the last time I would speak to you.” “Son, don’t be sorry! What’s done is done. We can never fore see the future not knowing what will happen next. You are my son and I am proud about the way your are, who are and what you can be. I accept you the way you are, cause the way you are is the way you were meant to be.”
“Baba we know you are lonely and often feel alone. We are aware that you struggle with your feeling and have strayed and are confused and afraid of not knowing what going to happens next. Baba don’t be afraid, embrace life and all it has to offer, don’t hold on yourself back. There’s going to be pain, but you’ve made enough of sacrifice for others to warrant some happiness for yourself. Think about yourself, don’t hide behind a mask, behind a facade of what the world want to see. Be yourself. The world can be a lonely place, but know you are never alone.”
By now is almost I tears, fighting a loosing battle against tears, “I miss you, I miss your all. Not just today, every single day” almost sobbing.
“Baba we know that, we can see that and we love you too. But know this, you are never alone, we are always going to be there forever with you. No matter where you go, you will take us with you, cause we will always be alive in your heart. To catch you when you fall, to pick you up when you’re down. We will be there with you in every heartbreaks and sorrows, as well as in every triumphs and happiness. You’ll never walk alone, you never alone.”
“Baba there’s someone eager to hear you and she jumping all around just to hear your voice.” I can hear that familiar yelp and bark that I so love and miss and I long for.
“Rodu, take care of yourself as much as we know you will take care of your mum and sisters. Tell them too that we love and miss them. Love you a lot my son.” “Love you too!!!” I blurt out. Saying this the line goes dead.
I find myself standing alone in the moonlight trying to make sense of what transpired a few minutes. Did it really happened or was it just an imagination, my inner most desires to hear them once more, to hear the things they had said. I stand there shaken and trembling, tears welling up my eye cause I know now I miss them more.
But I need to heed their advice and live. So I move on and promise that myself to live for most importantly me as I will for others.
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